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| Posted 2 months ago |
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Category Behavior |
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Chivalry - Endangered or Extinct?
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Chivalry has two roads that it's facing: Extinction or Endangered, but if chivalry is only an abstract idea and response why is it then so hard to come by? And what makes something chivalrous? Heroism, Romanticism, Humility or Being Humble, Forgiveness, History, or Time?
And we learn about chivalry at a young age with fairy-tales, fables, myths, legends, folk-lore, books and television. Where character's like Prince Charming, King Arthur, and Robin Hood stand tall. And we all like a hero. And it's not that the stories or past examples of chivalry have changed, but times have changed. And when I think to the stories of my grandfather saying that he walked four miles to school up hill and while snowing - then - to think about today in this day and age of technology leading the way for tomorrow - everything has to be done yesterday! And it was Time that I noticed that was a big factor, everyone is busy doing something, or many things. And time, in the twenty-first century, can get you a lot of things, but chivalry usually isn't one of them: Time=Money, Time=Experience, Time=Freedom, Time=Happiness/Sadness (a good/bad time) and so on.
When I was five I had my first experience seeing a homeless person who asked my father and I for money. I reached in my pocket to give him a dollar and my Dad told me not to because I wasn't sure what he was actually going to spend the money on(food or booze). Now, at the time I didn't understand completely, but, my Dad was just trying to teach me not to become a victim form being generous. But this thought of becoming a victim if you put your effort into something plays a part in the role of chivalry. Nobody wants to put themselves in a vulnerable position to get hurt, or waste their time.
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Another part of chivalry is that a person has to rise to the occasion of being chivalrous. And that comes from inside, because sometimes you got to be the stronger person not to care about how other people perceive you (label you as a nice or weak for being generous, whatever) for being chivalrous.
Then you got to know when to pick your moments to be chivalrous. Say a teacher sees a student having trouble, but lets a fellow student step in to help and the teacher just watches the student become a mentor in a way to another student - without getting upset for disrupting the class or anything like that. Stepping aside to let another person play the role of the "hero" to grow as an individual is important.
Also when being chivalrous becomes routine, it can take on the effect of becoming "expected" or "boring." Like when I first think of being chivalrous for a woman, I get the "old fashioned" thoughts of opening doors and carrying a woman over a puddle. And now, I think it helps to take the time to get to know someone to use what you know about a person to be more chivalrous and romantic towards their personality and it's one of a kind. And if you tried doing the same chivalrous and romantic things over and over again, in different relationships, they're going to seem rehearsed instead of spontaneous or more as a surprise. Which the surprise brings more excitement and usually makes it more pleasing. And once you stop learning, you start rehearsing. And people are always growing mentally or physically, so to say that you've learned all that you can from/about someone usually just means you're ready to move on or you haven't been paying close attention to detail, but you get the big picture.
And the another thing about being chivalrous is about childhood: I have an older brother and a younger brother and then there's me: being the middle child I would get picked on by my older brother when I was really little. Then for no reason, I would pick on my younger brother. And then I realized how it felt when my older brother picked on me, so I didn't want to be like my jerk older brother so I stopped picking on my younger brother. But it took a realization to understand the bigger picture when I was young. But our childhood character, I believe, gives us an adult expectation on our outlook on a lot of how we perceive the world.
And with this being the twenty-first century, it's not always about the guys being chivalrous, because women deserve their credit too, and we all can learn from the girls in this next story. Which this example that I like about chivalry starts in woman's softball, that I heard on, of all places, ESPN: A Girl who played college softball had never hit a home run before. But at the softball game between her college team, Western Oregon University, and the opposing Central Washington University team, she hit the ball all the way over the fence.
But as she broke into a run to circle the field, her knee buckled under her. Leaving her injured. She couldn't make it past first base, and it was against the rules for her teammates to help her. It seemed like she wouldn't have a chance to celebrate her long-awaited home run – until the opposing team stepped in to help.
Amazingly, two members of the Central Washington team, lifted the injured opposing player up, and carried her around the playing field, stopping at each base so that the injured player could touch the bases with her foot. By the time they reached the home plate, the Western Oregon players were all in tears.
The two players' amazing act of sportsmanship led to their team's disqualification from the playoffs, but in the end, that didn't really matter.
"In the end, it is not about winning and losing so much," she said. "It was about this girl. She hit it over the fence and was in pain, and she deserved a home run."
And the more people are able to exemplify such unselfish behaviors, the more others will notice, and rub off on them.
And girls, there are guys like this out there, even though they are hard to come by. You got to take the time to get to know a person to see what they're about. They have an understanding of what the bigger picture is. They also lead normal lives: run errands, go to work, and have friends, and go places like you girls do. But they fit into a crowd well. So you got to watch the way guys act. And find out which ones are the "good apples" from the bad ones. And not the potential "bad ones" who look like "good ones." Because it all starts from inside and ends with taking the time. Guy or girl, good or bad.
*The frog (in Frog Price) has already matured from a tadpole. Look for your caterpillar, and find yourself riding on a set of wings when the surprise of a butterfly carries you in a moment of needing a lift,* when chivalry finally catches up to dating in the twenty-first century, and comes out of it's cocoon. Don't let it become like the frog, jumping around in the mud. It's time for a whole new set of role-models. And funny, who would of expected the women to be the new role models of this day and age. It surprised me, but if they say women killed it then it seems like in some way they're trying to bring something back out of it, so for men to give a hand would only be a team effort.
And whoever said dating was a game of winning or losing, anyway?
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