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Home > Articles > Dating Articles > What If You've Never Had A Boyfriend?
Jarett
Written By Jarett

What If You've Never Had A Boyfriend?

 
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Posted More than a year ago Views 12079 Comments 41 Category Dating
There seems to be a huge struggle with many girls who have never had a boyfriend before. Many 16, 18, and even 20 year old girls have asked me this question, “I’ve never had a boyfriend before, I’ve never kissed a guy or even held hands. Am I ugly?” And it’s a question I’m sure that a large percentage of girls wonder, but are afraid to admit it. But to be honest, chances are, looks are the last reason for never having a boyfriend.

For me personally, I didn’t have my first girlfriend until I was 18 years old. It was kind of funny, because she was actually younger than me. I was a senior in high school and she was 15 years old and a freshman at the time. We met through church. And the only reason we started dating is because she was the aggressive one. She let me know that she liked me, and more or less got everything started.

All throughout high school I was a very shy guy. Once I got to know girls, I would talk to them and be their friends and everything. But as far as letting them know that I was interested in them, or asking for their phone number, I never had the guts. I, like many guys my age, was afraid of rejection. I never went to any school dances, and I never went to prom. Of course, being a boy, those things really didn’t matter that much. I always used the excuse that I had to work, which I usually did, but I’m sure I could have gotten it off if I had requested. The truth of the matter was that I really was afraid of being rejected. I never once put myself out there to a girl to accept or reject me. I never had the confidence or self esteem needed to ask a girl out. And for some reason, I thought that being rejected by a girl would end my life in high school as I knew it. I knew for sure that if I got rejected, that everyone in the school would hear about it, and they would all smile at me as they passed me in the halls and be thinking, “What a loser!” So I just played it safe, was friends with girls, and never left my comfort zone.

I tell you this for a couple reasons. First off, just because if you’re 16 or 18 or whatever, and you haven’t had a boyfriend yet doesn’t make you weird, it doesn’t make you different, and it certainly doesn’t mean that you’re unattractive. There are many teenagers and even people in their 20’s that have never had a boyfriend or girlfriend. If I hadn’t have been pursued by the girl, who knows when I would have gotten my first girlfriend. So stop panicking, take a deep breath. Everything is going to be ok.

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The other reason I tell you that, is because that chances are, it isn’t you. Teenage guys don’t always have the guts to let a girl know that he likes her. Chances are, there is a guy that is crushing on you, but he’s too shy to say anything, because he’s afraid you won’t like him back and he will be the laughing stock of the whole school. So just because a guy doesn’t actually come up to you and ask you out or ask for your phone number, doesn’t mean that there isn’t a guy that sees you every day and wants to ask you so badly, but he doesn’t have the guts.

Another possible reason is that teenage guys don’t always appreciate beauty. You hear that beauty gets better with time. Well I also believe that appreciating beauty gets better with time as well. When I was in high school, there were a few girls that attracted my eye. But in a school of over a thousand, I can remember only having a crush on a handful. Now that I’m older and looking back, I can’t believe how many girls that I overlooked that were beautiful, but I didn’t really think about at the time. So before you start thinking you’re ugly or that there is something wrong with you, realize that it’s probably not you. There could be a handful of reasons why you don’t have a boyfriend that have nothing to do with you.

The one thing that you can work on that will definitely help you out is not being shy. If you notice girls who seem to always get the guys, chances are, she’s not shy. She’s outgoing and she talks to guys. I will teach you how to flirt later on, but I really want you to get over the fact that if you haven’t had a boyfriend, that there is no need to panic or worry.

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Article Comments

 
Imyoursxoxo You don't know how helpful this is. I'm 16, and I've never had a bf. this article made me feel a lot better. I don't always admit how much it bothers me. But I guess it's all abotu waiting for the right one. thank you for writing this. :) - More than a year ago
alteran87 Im 21, and this article screamed at me. even though a lot of it is geared toward teens.... I can see how it can apply to everyone - More than a year ago
Amor3x0 Because girls can't be independent and it's sad. Parents need to teach girls form a very young age to be independent and strong. - More than a year ago
MCRmyPandaxX Wow. I'm actually happy I took the time out and read this. It made me feel SOOO much better. Thanks a million fer writing this.

: 3 - More than a year ago
girlsloveboys I agree 100% I was driving myself crazy thinking was I ugly why can't I get a bf? so girls don't worry a special boy will come and sweep you off your feet like mine did. A boy asked my out when I was 17 made me feel somewhat wanted :) but its not the end out the world, because girls feel the same way as you said in this article - More than a year ago
cheerangelcharity I'm so glad that you wrote this! Even though I'm considered attractive [both my face and my body] I just recently had my first kiss and haven't had a real relationship yet...and I'm 20! I always thought that it was usually because I've always gone to small private schools and/or I would pursue guys I liked which turned them off. Now I see that it could also be that some guys "like[d]" me but are too shy! I can think of some guys [including my crush] who look at and hug me a lot though. - More than a year ago
sweet-surrender- Wow! thank you so much. I love your article. It has made me feel better. Thank you! and yes I am very shy and I'm trying to work on it. =D - More than a year ago
SmartieGrrl89 Wow this really made me feel a lot better!!!! Thanks!!!! - More than a year ago
Lysane Very true! I kinda feel better now.. a little ;) - 11 months ago
ethomsom2 Hey dude, I am the exact same way. I never asked a girl out in school, never went to any dances, etc. I am in my mid 20s now, and have still never had a girl friend. I just can't ask. I admit, I lack the self-confidence.
But I like this article, it lets girls know that there are some guys out there, like me, who just can't and won't ask, no matter how much one likes a girl. - 11 months ago
spartom So true
glad you got this down
guys and girls alike will benefit from this lots - 11 months ago
lharv035 Thanks for ur article. I'm 20 and I have never had a bf. a few "friends with benefits" over the past few years, but never a real relationship. makes me feel a lot better that I'm not the only one and that its not completely me....thanks :) - 11 months ago
exoticmistress I love you. =p

but how do I stop being shy? - 11 months ago
shalove Hi, I read your headline, & obviously had to come read the article. I always wondered about my self. I'm 20. very very pretty. never been kissed, never had a bf, its not that I am shy. I for sure not shy AT ALL. this gives me hope, I thought I was like the only one never kiss or with a bf - 11 months ago
Mellene <3 this article, it is very helpful and very interesting to read - 11 months ago
liiLo Wow. this is long. lol.

but trueee. - 11 months ago
aubreyl0ve Two words, thank you :) - 11 months ago
TwilightXO Thank you so much for writing this. I've been feeling really horrible about being 18 and never having a boyfriend. When you're watching all of your friends happy in coupledom it can be a living hell and a constant reminder that you are out of the loop. You've gave me hope that one day I probably will find someone. I needed that! - 11 months ago
UnicornLoveChild Wow, this is lovely. It makes me feel a lot better about never having a boyfriend before. - 11 months ago
saklea Thanks a lot for this article. it really made me feel better - 11 months ago
gonaners16 Thank you so much! I used to be very self conscious. I thought that my nose was big or my thighs were fat or something was wrong with my hair. but now that I'm in high school and out of the tiny private school that I used to go to, I realized that I'm perfect just the way that I am I'm smart pretty confident outgoing athletic I can be determined to do something or finish something and I think that can be hot. what was I thinking!? now I know that if some1 doesn't like how I am then its their loss!!! - 11 months ago
Albedo667 Well this seems to be a bit of a relief!! - 11 months ago
SarahBabeeXO Thank you for that. I'm the same like Imyoursxoxo. again...so helpful and thank you! - 10 months ago
jen-82 I think this is a great article, because people are afraid of rejection. I can really relate too, because I am extremely shy and it is really hard to get close to guys without thinking the worst. - 10 months ago
totallychaotic You have given me hope! *hugs* I'm in college and haven't had a boyfriend yet...I've been wondering what's wrong with me for so many years. Yes, I'm a shy girl, but every time I tried to put myself out there, something ALWAYS went wrong. It went so wrong the last time I put myself out there that I fell into a deep depression, became borderline suicidal and blocked months from my memory.

Thank you for restoring hope! - 9 months ago
jaron91 Wow, this honestly made my day...it made me feel a little bit better! Thanks :)

@shalove, I'm in the EXACT same boat...I'm told a LOTTT I'm pretty, I'm not shy at all, and I have all the confidence in the world, but somehow I never got the "the next level" with a guy.

Maybe because the guys I do talk to are usually complete a*sholes...haha

*sigh*....time will tell. - 9 months ago
NewYork Omg, thanks so much for writing this. I've been feeling really down and lonely the past couple of days, I'm 19 and never had a bf. I've been with guys but it's never gone much farther than a couple of dates or hookups and I am starting to worry that there is something wrong with my personality and that it will never happen for me :/. I really think it's because I'm afraid to go far emotinally because I'm afraid of rejection. But your article has given me hope to try harder! - 8 months ago
galileo So how do we get the GUY to stop being shy?
because when we like them back we're also afraid of rejection. so is it stuck in limbo? - 7 months ago
unsubrowe Thank you for the encouragement. from time to time I feel really awkward because most of the people I hang out with have been in a relationship or are in one. I know that I severely stay in my bubble [which has this really thick layer, btw] because I'm afraid of being rejected and actually having some guy appreciate me [it's so unprecedented!]. idk, I just know I have to work on me, you know? - 7 months ago
Amethyst This article was great and it really touched on some good points. I am a 21 year old college student, just by reading this article gave me a sigh of relief, there are times I feel as if I'm not attractive because guys do not approach me but like you said in the article it might not have nothing to do with me, although I am quiet though, I need to work on that. - 7 months ago
spellbinder11 Wow, it's like you're the guy version of me! I'm extremely shy. But right now, I'm trying to get out of that. And to my surprise, it's got extraordinary results. I don't have a boyfriend yet, but at least now, its not because I haven't been asked. But anyways, I just love how you wrote this. It's so real and informative. I want girls out there to to know that if you do walk around like you own something, guys WILL take notice. I get so much male attention now. And I've turned 2 guys down. - 6 months ago
sheandra Thanks for writing that. It really cleared a lot of things up for me :) - 4 months ago
FozzyBear249 This is so true. since my first boyfriend who I asked out dumped me, I hade never had the courage to do it again.
I went in to seconder school I was asked out and I flirted. But I never had the courage to ask them out. So I never really went out with a boy I really liked. When ever I was about to, I ether chickened out or hoped they would ask me first.
But the other night I just got so tired that I poped the question. he said yes and we have are first date on wensday! - 3 months ago
HopelessxRomantic Thank you so much for this article. I'm 16, and during the past few years, the fact that I've never had a boyfriend has really haunted me. I even begun to wonder if something is wrong with me, just like you said. I've always had self-esteem issues, and that fact just always made it worse for me. But reading this article had opened my eyes a little and has made me realize that I'm not the only one, and I just have to be patient & come out of my shell. Thank you so much! :]] - 3 months ago
AnonymousUser Thank you :] I think everyone has covered the rest. - 2 months ago
justmettt Why do people say that special bou will come, it is not true. I am 36 and have never had a boyfriend and never will. guys never liked me. - A month ago
Namrata Im 16 and never had a boyfriend either! and I felt like this article really helped me out! except that the guy I had a crush on graduated last year... and I totally should have asked him out... but I was kinda shy... and now I hardly ever see him.... since I'm still a junior in high school! its too late for me! but at least now I know!! and you know I was pretty sure he was into me too... but just shy!! - A month ago
gggggggg "Happiness comes from within" I'm sure you've all heard the saying, "In order to love, you must first love yourself." It is so, very true. Just have optimism and believe that good things will come. - 12 days ago
-LcsL- Im 16 (never holded hands in my life) and I had a "chance" like you, but she kinda ruined our date by going back with her ex. never felt so bored in my life, really!
thanks for writting this post, it made me feel less alone.
- 11 days ago
courttie I love this! Thanks for writing. I'm 18 and I've felt a little panicked about this for awhile, but this helped sooo much :) - 11 days ago
XTCxdosee :) this sound pretty good .;!
i totally agree with you . I am 15 and I am still single
but boys do ask me out but I don't think I am ready to have a boyfriend yet
The problem is that I want to concentrate in school and make it all the way to college
and I don't want nothing to go wrong .

but I don't find nothing wrong being single .;!
there's always someone out there for everyone.
- 2 days ago
 
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