An Innocent Crush or Insightful Lust?

An Innocent Crush or Insightful Lust?

Is there anything wrong with a person in a committed relationship having a crush on someone else as long as it isn't acted upon? Can it even benefit a relationship?

I think the nature of a crush on someone can be a barometer of your relationship. If you have a crush on a coworker or friend where the thoughts running through your head are "aww, he's so sweet! He always lends me quarters for the vending machine," then there's nothing to worry about. It is similar to the crush many of us innocent school girls had on teachers and the older brothers of friends, back before we knew all sorts of big-girl dirty words. No biggie, it's just a little check-up that you admire certain qualities in members of the preferred sex: kindness, honesty, intelligence, a warm heart. It is natural to admire and crush on people who remind you of other people you like, such as your father, a mentor, or an ex.

But if the thoughts you're having of your so-called innocent crush are along the lines of "oh sweet lord he is so **** hot today I could just ****** **** him all ******* day and then **** him some more," I think it's time to re-evaluate your relationship.

An innocent crush is just that--innocent. There are no or few dirty thoughts, which don't progress past being PG-13 rated. It's when the thoughts are full of dirty whore sex scenes that it is time for concern because it is a good indication that something in your current relationship is leaving you unsatisfied, and your eyes are beginning to wander off to hornier pastures.

This was actually the final sign that it was time for me to end my previous relationship. Although I'd had crushes before while with someone, I had never before had this sort of lust-filled crush. It was heading nowhere other than a crash. There were things I appreciated about him other than his fantastically toned arms, but it was mainly the physical attraction that got me to open my eyes to the much-needed reality check that I needed to do some serious soul-searching, preferably before any crotch-grabbing took place.



In this particular case the relationship was not one I wanted to stay in, although in other instances having a not-so-innocent crush on someone else can be the necessary wake-up call to do some damage-control while the relationship has time to heal. What are the qualities (other than his slappable butt) that caught your attention in someone else? Are they things that your current partner once possessed but has started to slack on, like paying attention to you and making you feel special, i.e. things that can be resolved? Or are they qualities beyond your partner's personality, such as being sensitive or having a really goofy sense of humor? Having another person to compare your partner to can be beneficial to your relationship, even if it means leaving it because you realize he doesn't have the qualities you want in a partner.

Currently I am single and I have a crush on a coworker who is married. We sit twenty feet away from each other and regularly stop by each other's desks to chat. Every time I see his figure enter my cubicle area I get a little giggly and nervous. I like talking to him because he is funny and one of the only young guys in the office who isn't an idiot (which is probably why he's the only guy under the age of thirty who's married). It's easy to be more open with him than other male coworkers exactly because he is married and I don't have to worry that he thinks I'm flirting with him.

Am I concerned about the nature of my crush? Not at all. He is smitten with his wife and talks about her all the time. I know more about his wife than I do about the old dude who has sat next to me for the last six months. If were to flirt even the slightest bit, I am confident that my crush would say Whoa, what the hell?! I'M HAPPILY MARRIED. GET YOUR HAND OFF MY THIGH. Not that I have ever (okay, like twice) thought about putting my hand on his thigh because he has always been off-limits.

Yet I indulge in having a crush. Why not? I know I won't do anything and he certainly won't do anything. Meanwhile here is a nice respectable guy whom I will use as a comparison when sizing up future guys for boyfriend potential. Sometimes when you've been single for too long it's easy to forget what your standards were because you just want to get laid already. Having a good example in your crush is a way to keep your standards up where they should be without any risking any nasty bruises when you decide to get back in the dating game.

A crush can be a good thing either way, as long as you're ready to accept and examine the potential crash hazard of a not-so-innocent crush.