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Home > Articles > Relationships Articles > Duped

Written By KERMlT

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Duped

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Posted More than a year ago

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Category Relationships

You put a frog in a pot of boiling water and it will jump out but if you put the frog in and raise the temperature slowly, it won't move. Same principle applied to relationships. Some people think they are slick and slowly introduce things that move their relationship to another one. I'll explain...

A guy and girl are friends and he decides to do really nice things for her. He moves from being just a friend to girlfriend. Yes, girlfriend. This is worse than the 'friend zone'. From this position you have just labeled yourself as 'friend material' to all of her close friends. There is no backtracking so go back to the drawing board.

A guy and girl are friends and she decides to do really nice things for him. This could lead to 'best friend' but if he doesn't find you attractive... then that's about as far as it will go. If you do sexual favors for him then you might turn into a 'friend with benefits' or 'f*ck buddy' as they say.

Be honest and open about what you want out of a relationship. Two people are dating and one gets offended that the other is seeing/talking/flirting with another. They want to be exclusive which isn't necessarily the case when you are in the 'dating' phase. If you isolate the person, this relationship may lead to exclusively boyfriend/girlfriend. Don't be surprised if this backfires since it feels more like an obligation. They should want to be with you and only you and forcing them feels more like an ultimatum.

You might wonder if they are really the one for you. Sometimes a 'break' is in order for the person to look for other fish. You don't know if you have a good thing unless you compare it with something. No rules about the break and it's fair game. There might be some resentment if/when the other person finds out about what went down on the break.

Friends with benefits should have rules as it is easy to get the impression of progression. If the person is just waiting for another to be single, maybe that should be disclosed. Sometimes you get dumped when things are going well because another is available. Watch for signs that they are moving in, literally. First it is a change of clothes to sleep over in. Next it is the hygiene stuff for the morning. Soon you will notice that one closet worth of stuff is hidden amongst your things. Guys don't pick up on this right away but when they do, expect some backlash (if he doesn't want the same thing).

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A woman agrees to FWB because she feels that a way into a man's life is through his penis. A booty call is just that. You just want to have sex and shouldn't be confused with FWB. FWB is someone you like to hang out with and like to be intimate with. There might be feelings or might not. It's like the girlfriend/boyfriend without the title and some rules.

Some guys like FWB because they want to be with that person due to physical connection but maybe anything more is too much. Relationships do take time and effort and a FWB is like 50% attention. Booty call is like 10-25% attention depending on how often the phone rings.

Open relationships can be fun but it can lead to problems. Sometimes you don't want to do certain acts with your partner because you fear what they might think of you afterwards. Perhaps the acts don't do anything for your partner or make them feel uncomfortable. As a woman reaches her sexual prime (40's) she wants more intimacy and a younger male who is also near his prime (18-24) fits the bill.

FWB with Open marriages are not that uncommon. A married person loves their partner and wants that intimacy with a friend. Sometimes threesomes happen but the other person might not want that. It is also not uncommon to find a FWB with a married person who isn't in an open marriage. The third person might get possessive and want the married person to divorce their partner. This is the love triangle that could get someone killed. Something is lacking in the original relationship and it is not considered a 'happy' relationship (happily married, happily engaged, etc.)

These games people play to get others doesn't work that well. Sure you might have them for a minute until they realize that the walls were closing in. It usually ends badly and people are hurt so don't dupe others.

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Article Comments

cheerangelcharity

This is totally true! It also reminds me of the "relationship" I had with this one guy kinda recently. He was the one to talk to me first and seemed really into me by constantly texting me, hugging me, and asking questions about myself. Then just 2 weeks after meeting we ended up making out and even I said that we're "friends with some benefits." Well I freaked out and we agreed to be "just friends"...but now he claims that he never "liked" me in the 1st place, which makes no sense to me! - More than a year ago

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