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Fantasy Is Better And Safer
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I used to feel guilty about having 'bad' thoughts about other women after I had a permanent relationship...and even while dating on a steady basis, before that.
But with the wisdom of maturity I have come to see that indulging in a limited way one's fantasies can be a healthy and safe outlet for the minor frustrations inherent in any long term relationship.
I make sure that the women I meet know I'm married pretty quickly, but I occasionally ask women out for coffee, informally, making clear it's not a date. Usually they hesitate and I have to talk them into it...which I can usually do because they are clearly thinking I am a 'safe' married man and have never tried to hide that fact.
When we go out I show a lot of interest in the women and try to mostly listen. Naturally I am having sinful thoughts at such times but once they start talking about themselves they lose focus on that, if they even suspect what I'm thinking.
I find I learn a lot just from listening and the women appreciate what is really a sort of informal psychotherapy. Once they realize I'm there mostly to listen they often start inviting me for similar chats and listen to me spin stories..mostly true..about myself.
I'm not going to deny that my intentions are not TOTALLY honorable, but I find that it relaxes me and sharpens my sense of tact and social skills.
At times these chats have developed into ongoing friendships, going to movies together and out to book readings and the like, but always with the mutual understanding that we're not looking for anything more than good company.
I also won't deny that sometimes I get too friendly and flirtatious, but usually women are understanding about it..they also get too 'friendly' with me in the same way.
I can't deny either than with the 'right' (or should I say 'wrong?') woman things could happen, but nothing in life is without risk with a good woman!
I've learned to be careful about doing this at work where any sort of get-together immediately becomes an item of gossip, but at coffee shops or at the gym where the people around are strangers I still indulge this 'hobby.' So far it hasn't caused me or amyone else any pain or heartache and I have really come to understand a lot more about relationships, more than I ever learned when I was actually chasing women.
Isn't that food for thought and further commentary?
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