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annwyl-cariad
Written By annwyl-cariad (Age:18 to 24) Note This

How Oreos Can Spoil Your Dinner: A Commentary on Abstinence

 
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Posted 3 months ago Views 236 Comments 11 Category Sexuality
Disclaimer: I am not trying to preach. I do not advocate abstinence until marriage blindly for everyone; it is a personal choice that I had to make for myself, and anyone else choosing this must make that decision themselves as well. I will not say that any type or level of sexual activity between consenting adults is inherently wrong. This is just my explanation for how and why I, PERSONALLY, am waiting.

I am saving sex for marriage. Okay, so it seems stupid, right? Why would you buy a car without taking it for a test drive? Or buy a cow if you haven't tasted the milk? Or move into an apartment if you don't know that the electricity works? Or. . .

Well, I think I've made enough metaphors for one article. I may have made enough metaphors for the next couple of weeks. But the point remains. Why would I decide to wait and give my husband my virginity on our wedding night, in a day and age when premarital sex is not only acceptable but expected?

It's like this. And yes, here comes another metaphor, a long one, but bear with me. Say you're just sitting at your computer, answering questions on GirlsAskGuys.com, and suddenly you start to feel hungry. It's not much, just a twinge of hunger, and you start to think about those gorgeous, sexy Oreos in the pantry. Mmm. Oreos. (If you don't care for Oreos, replace them with something you find sexy and delicious). And you know you really want to eat those lovely little chocolate delights. But you also know that you're going out to dinner at a nice restaurant tonight with your best friend, and if you snack all afternoon on Oreos, you're going to be full when dinnertime comes.

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As the afternoon goes on, you keep thinking about how hungry you are, and those Oreos become more and more tempting. You think, okay, maybe I'll just have a snack. One or two cookies. That's not too bad, right? So you go into the pantry, break into the package, and take a few minutes to savor their chocolaty, creamy goodness. Once you think you're satisfied, you smile, think about how great those Oreos were, and you go back to your computer.

But you're not satisfied. Because everyone knows that just having a tiny snack doesn't satisfy your hunger...it only makes it worse. If you had just told yourself no, you can't have Oreos before dinner, then eventually you would forget that you were hungry. But instead, what's going to happen? You're going to go back, eat some more Oreos, maybe sample the Cheezits or Pocky or Wheat Thins, and before you know it its dinnertime, you're at the restaurant with your best friend, and you're full. You can't really enjoy your evening with your friend because the sight of the food on your plate makes you sick.

To me, the sex drive is a lot like the hunger drive. It starts off low, but the longer you dwell on it, the stronger it becomes. If you give in and have a little snack maybe have oral sex with your partner, or start watching more and more pornography, or start having sex, then it will only increase your desire, and you won't be satisfied.

You will continue to need more to satisfy yourself, and when your best friend, your future spouse, comes along, you won't be able to completely enjoy being with them because you've been with so many people before. And it'll be a bit of a downer for them because you're picking at your food and thinking about what you've already eaten rather than just purely enjoying the food you have now. You're getting the hang of this metaphor by now, you can fill in what that means.

On the other hand, if you simply choose not to think about your hunger, your sex drive, it will eventually fade into the background. It's still there; you just don't notice it anymore. This is what I have done. I'm not asexual. I have sexual desires and attractions, to women as well as to men. I obsess with my friends over attractive celebrities or classmates or coworkers just like anyone else. I've got my fantasies, and yes, I occasionally wake up with the need to take an ice cold shower. But I just don't dwell excessively on my desires, and they thus become manageable. They slip into the background, and I don't feel the need to act on them. When my best friend arrives to pick me up for our dinner together, I'll be plenty hungry. . .and I won't have spoiled my appetite beforehand!

Questions? Comments? Want to tell me why I'm a complete idiot for subjecting myself to this? Message me!

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emmaroh I like your article and couldn't agree more. Keep it up, I know it's hard, I am myself waiting for marriage and peer pressure can be hard, especially since most of my friends are over 25 and don't understand why I am saving myself. But hey, I don't mind them, I am proud of how far I've come and I know I can wait even more. So kudos to you and all of us out there. And to those who didn't wait, it's more than fine by me too, each to it's own. :o) - 2 months ago
Ashewark I think this is an excellent metaphor for this particular personal choice. Good luck to you, I admire your strength in keeping your promise to yourself and your future spouse. :) - 2 months ago
LolaCola I'm not saying you shouldn't wait, but I disagree with your metaphor. If you're hungry, eat a healthy snack. It'll keep you from overeating at dinner, and keep your blood sugar more balanced. You want Oreos? So what ... instead, eat something good for you. OR learn to stop at just one. You CAN do that. Ignoring hunger = overeating at dinner = weight problem. If food is a metaphor for sex as you suggest, from a health standpoint you're better off sampling a little sex. Bad metaphor IMHO. - 2 months ago
annwyl-cariad Lola: Fair point, my bad. I'm no nutritionist or anything...all I know is what cravings I get and what happens when I give in to those cravings, lol. I wonder what the metaphorical equivalent of overeating at dinner and a subsequent weight problem would be, in this case? But thanks for your feedback. - 2 months ago
soxfan94 I agree with Lola, I feel that the metaphor, while demonstrating your point, doesn't have a very compelling reason for me to believe that it is in any way correlated to sexual drive. I understand why you're saving yourself, and think it's completely admirable and each person should choose for themselves and feel confident about it either way. The implicit tone of your metaphor suggests that those who don't remain abstinent are gluttonous and in the wrong, and so I think it's a bad metaphor. - 2 months ago
Hunterboyz I'm jealous of you. I wish I could have saved it for as long as you are doing it. Just remembering my first time makes me ashamed to read your article. It encourages me not to want to have sex so much now. Just recently, I was get upset because I didn't feel I was getting enough from my girlfriend, but after reading this, I think I want to stop all together. If not stop, then at least understand the value of what we are doing. Thank You & Godd Luck.

Sincerely,
A Loving Black Man - 2 months ago
annwyl-cariad Soxfan: I didn't mean for this to come across as disparaging to those who don't wait, and I'm sorry that it did. Because this is how I feel about my own personal sex drive, I was explaining my own metaphor, but I know that other people have differing sex drives and thus may agree or disagree with my metaphor. And that's totally okay. Thank you for your feedback. - 2 months ago
annwyl-cariad Hunterboyz: I wouldn't feel ashamed of the choices you've made in the past. They are over and done with. All that anyone can do is learn from his or her experiences and make decisions on how to act in the future. But whatever you decide to do, I wish you the best of luck, and thank you for your support! :) - 2 months ago
haywire I don't think its like that, I don't think the appetite analogy is valid at all. Having sex before marriage does not lower your sex drive or affect your sex within marriage. If your marriage is special and your feelings real, it will be just as intense and beautiful as it would be anyway. Live life to the limit, do all that you can - you only get to do it once, so make it count. - A month ago
Rafael151 Nothing wrong with that at all. But I think there is something to be said for knowing a bit about the other persons preferences once the lights are out. What if it turns out behind closed doors that your sexual desires and his don't mesh all that well? So I'm curious if you discuss that, which could tend to increase the anticipation (again not a bad thing). - A month ago
A-R-Norman I think your choice is extremely admirable--I have sexual experience, and must say that it cost my heart numerous times, as many men don't respect sexual woman, no matter what the prevalent ideals state--however, I learned so much on my travels, and my skinned knees and scars are well earned--would I trade it? No, but we all have our paths, and yours is a brave and valiant one--speed ahead dear and don't look back or apologize. - A month ago
 
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