Do you find it easy to forgive? Or do you forgive?
Can you move on, or will you avoid the person forever?
How did you get over it to get on with life?
Update: Okay, sorry to everyone that has answered already. This is a hypothetical question. I'm asking what You do when someone hurts You. It's not because I can't forgive anyone specific. Please answer with that in mind and, if you want, give your examples.
6 months ago
That can work, I suppose. Do you find that everything comes rushing back when you see the person again, or is it completely gone? If it's gone, then great, but if not, do you know a way to stop that from becoming an issue again? - 4 months ago
Answerer
I know most people say its not right, but I still have feelings for that person so I still do feel something when I see him and sometimes I think about him. its getting easier. I'm still learning but so far I've found out that you have to let it go for yourself. I'm very busy and keep my self busy to stay away from the moments where I think of him. - 4 months ago
Answerer
I also believe in no regrets. no matter how hard that person hurt me, I think of the good times that I wouldn't give up 4 anything, even tho it meant I got hurt. like the song "I could have missed the pain, but then id had to miss the dance" - 4 months ago
Question Asker
It's a good belief. I am going through a stage in my life right now where there's a lot of really crappy things going on, but if I didn't go through them, I wouldn't have the great things to look forward to.
I take it you were talking about an ex? I know about feelings after that sort of thing gets broken down... it's tough not to get all depressed after that, or at least not to clam up and get even worse hurt by it all. Does time heal that, or does love make it go on and on for you? - 4 months ago
Answerer
It's kinda weird but last week he came and talked 2 me 4 the 1rst time and three months. I was really really happy to talk to him, but I also realized how all the pain I felt was gone. I didn't get the butterflies, I felt relieved. I think it finally showed how even without him I made it and I can go on now with just being his friend.
i still love him, but time and realizing how many other great guys are out there has helped me to go.
GOOD LUCK!! - 4 months ago
Question Asker
I'm really glad for you on that count. It basically, as you said, means that you can be friends after all the history. That makes me think that there is hope in that whole thing of "let's just be friends" that is one of the common break-up do's. So it Is possible? All it takes is time. That's good to know. - 4 months ago
Basically once a guy hurts me, I lose the trust and security in him. It would take many things for him to do to prove that he's worth another chance, emotional and mental things, money or any gifts wouldn't buy me back. However if I notice myself wasting time on him when he isn't trying to recover what he's done, I'd quit forever, because I hate when someone plays with my emotions (it's just when I really like the guy), once his personalty is figured, there's no point to re-figure it. For relationship or any type of friendship to work, trust is number one thing. It's just about the effort second party puts to repay what he/she's done.
Very good answer. You're right - no amount of money can ever truly buy trust back. For the shallow people that think it can, they're deluding themselves. That isn't trust they're giving - it's just a license to manipulate. Trust is ESENTIAL for a relationship of any kind to work, so that must be kept. Here's another thought for you, though - if you REALLY like a guy, and he makes little to no effort to gain your trust back, is he really worth it? Does he really respect you? Very nice answer. :) - 4 months ago
Well it's always easiest to admit to yourself you're not over that person. I liked a guy a lot even though we didn't go out except one "date". He stopped liking me but didn't tell me so I embarrassed myself by always talking to him and stuff. One day I asked him-even though I knew the answer- to "Do you like me or not? " When he said no it sucked a lot. It's been two months and for awhile it was a real struggle. I got over him by stop talking to him altogether and always trying to never be where I knew he'd be. It was real hard walking by him in the hallway knowing that we went on this "date" and I had a great time but he didn't. I got over him by getting really busy in other things like school and band.
Ouch, that's harsh. Are you truly over this guy, or is it still hard to see him? I once liked a girl to the point of thinking I really loved her. When I approached her, she said no and it did sting quite a bit too, so I can know a thing or two about what you mean. It makes things so weird that nobody but someone like that can understand. Do you still feel hurt whenever you see him? - 6 months ago
Answerer
Yeah but not a lot. He still means a lot but doesn't at the same time. Someone that's gonna hold my hand and hold me like he likes me a lot but then not call and blow me off like that doesn't deserve my time. - 6 months ago
Question Asker
Definitely not. If somebody doesn't respect you enough to make an effort, they don't deserve it either. Life is more than just the comfy hugs and hand holding - there's all the bumps and things on the way too. There's the boring parts of life that takes a bit of effort to stay focussed on, and he should be able to do that, not just be there for the highlights. - 6 months ago
I am really sensitive, once I get hurt I won't forget it forever, but the thing is I forgive or act like nothing happened. It's only when I really like the guy. But if it happens too many times I just quit on him.
It's good that you forgive. I don't think it's really possible to forget, but it is possible to let go of the anger and pain you felt at the time. It's also possible to make the decision not to take it up again. What did you mean by "It's only when I really like the guy"? I suppose if you get hurt continuously you can't be expected to keep on giving chances for him to do it over and over again. That makes sense. - 6 months ago
Answerer
I meant if I didn't really like the guy then I wouldn't waste much of my time forgiving him and continuing. Otherwise I'd give him another chance because I really like him. Lol I guess that's my biggest weakness when at once he can make me cry and then his little word 'sorry' changes everything. But relationship like that would just crush me. It's said we love because we want to get hurt. Lol - 6 months ago
Question Asker
I must admit I haven't heard that one before, but when I look at all the relationships around me, I also see so much of hurting and making up going on that it confuses me. It's pretty funny though how that happens. How do you rate how deep your feelings are to see if he's worth going back to when he says sorry? BTW, you should check another of my Q's about why girls go back to guys that hurt them. It's gotten interesting responses. I'm not saying you're like that, but you might like reading it. - 6 months ago
This is an excellent question! Hmmm I throw my shoes at them! LOL Nah just kidding! I let myself feel the hurt until it heals and forgiveness speeds up that process. Depending on what they did, I'll move on either way, but just because I forgive them doesn't mean that I'll have anything to do with them. I keep in mind that they don't control me or pay my bills and therefore they can't stop me from getting on with my life, only I can. So that helps me pick up the pieces, put myself back together, and get on with my life.
That's a very good outlook on things. Just because you forgive them, doesn't mean that you need to let yourself get hurt again and again. Throwing shoes sounds fun at times though. Lol. Forgiveness does help you move on though. Without it, you carry around that hurt and never let it go. It might dull, but one reminder of it and it'll hurt just as badly again. It's good that you get on with your life and don't let something someone else did ruin that - 6 months ago
It's really tough to act like nothing happened when someone has really hurt you--and often times, its not a good idea either. When I've been truly hurt in the past, I will usually draw back for a while, and think about what happened between me and the other party. I'll try to understand their actions, and the whole situation. Most of the time, I can usually come to some understanding as to why they chose those actions, even if they wouldn't have been the actions I've taken. If I really don't understand, I might go to them after a week or so and ask them to explain why they did what they did.
Then I try to decide if those actions reflect the kind of person I want to associate with. If the answer is yes, I'll go talk to them, and try to make peace with what happened. If the answer is no, I will go my separate way, because I know no one is benefiting from the friendship/relationship.
Withdrawing is a danger I'm all too familiar with. It actually makes things worse in the long run because you mull over it and never get over it truly. It is true that you can accept that whatever it is happened, but do you get over it? Confrontation and forgiveness work well. Would you avoid your bff if they did something really horrid to you, but this one time only? Is it better to have the friend, or get away from the person responsible for hurting you? Is that even possible? - 6 months ago
Answerer
Accepting is something that is much easier, forgiveness can happen, it just doesn't happen nearly as quickly. If you notice my original answer, no where do I talk about forgiveness. Forgiving a truly horrid act can take years, and it requires effort from both sides to re-develop the trust. Friendship is a two-way street after all.
If my best friend did something really horrid to me multiple times, I would have to question the fact that they are my best friend. - 6 months ago
Answerer
Having a friend is only worthwhile as long as it is a positive relationship for both parties. So if they were repeatedly hurting me, and they weren't willing to acknowledge and fix what they were doing, I would try to stay as far away from them as possible. - 6 months ago
Question Asker
Good point. I did see you didn't mention forgiving, but is it healthy for yourself not to try to go in that direction? Anyhoo, sometimes my experience with friends says that if you stick with it, things will often come right in the end. But I have had many friendships that didn't end well. One even went from bff to biggest bully in the space of a week, so I do know what you mean. I have forgiven him now, to the point I could get along (never bff again), so I do understand what you say here. - 6 months ago
My Answer Because the situation is so vague, there are innumerable ways to combat this question. I'm going to go from personal experience. When I found out my boyfriend cheated on me, I was devastated. I felt lost and betrayed, not to mention angry beyond mention. We are still together so I had to learn to forgive him in order for the relationship to last beyond this event. At first it was really challenging. I would throw his infidelity in his face and it effected our relationship, I resented him and he was stressed due to the fact that I couldn't let the situation go. Over time, I have gotten less angry at the situation and life is back to normal. I think to truly forgive someone who broke your trust, you have to let trust rebuild first, which takes time. Also remember the saying, "Its easier to forgive than to forget"
Haha same answer twice, don't I look retarded? lol - 6 months ago
Question Asker
Admin deleted the duplicate answer, so no worries. That's a hard situation, and sorry you went through that. I think it is actually impossible to forget, yet I've heard so many stories about people being forgiven of some of the worst atrocities imaginable. One I remember was a woman who forgave a man who'd brutally murdered her son and husband. She accepted this man as a son instead as 'payment' for her forgiveness. I was in tears when I heard about that. It was in South Africa during apartheid. - 6 months ago
Answerer
Trust me, no worries. everything is great now, but I figured I'd bring up that time of my life to use it as a lens to answer the question. but thanks! - 6 months ago
Question Asker
Thank you for sharing that. I really appreciate it, as it is a very personal thing. I wish you the best on the road to recovery from that situation. Trust is one of the hardest things to rebuild as everything that can remind us of the offense, probably will. You have quite a lot of strength of character to be able to do that, and I admire that in a person. - 6 months ago
N/A
(Age:18 to 24)
When: 6 months ago
Because the situation is so vague, there are innumerable ways to combat this question. I'm going to go from personal experience. When I found out my boyfriend cheated on me, I was devastated. I felt lost and betrayed, not to mention angry beyond mention. We are still together so I had to learn to forgive him in order for the relationship to last beyond this event. At first it was really challenging. I would throw his infidelity in his face and it effected our relationship, I resented him and he was stressed due to the fact that I couldn't let the situation go. Over time, I have gotten less angry at the situation and life is back to normal. I think to truly forgive someone who broke your trust, you have to let trust rebuild first, which takes time. Also remember the saying, "Its easier to forgive than two forget"
Okay, now I look the idiot. I thought that this was a different answerer and that your duplicate would be under the same name and therefore deleted because I didn't see it here. I've just notified admin that this answer is spam, so maybe they'll delete it. - 6 months ago
It depends on how they hurt you and how badly it affected you. The easiest thing to do with someone that has hurt you is to forgive and forget. Forgive them and forget them. You have to move on, because if they hurt you they are not worth your time. Don't avoid them forever- maybe down the road you will find a friendship again, but don't try and be best friends today. Just remember, there's many other people out there that won't hurt you and that will make you much happier.
Easier to forgive and forget? I personally think that this is the hardest thing to do. I think it is much easier to resent them and never let go of it. It isn't the healthiest thing to do, though. Unforgiveness eats a person up inside and rots their minds into a twisted wreck of hatred. I do agree with you though on the point of not being able to avoid them forever, and the possibility of friendship later on down the road. I think that that is the first prize, the one I want over all. - 6 months ago
I forgive immediately by choice and try to make amends, even if they are supposed to. But secretly the little grudge may live on to become a monster or otherwise be annihilated by a significant reimbursement or favor by the culprit.
(Age:18 to 24)
When: 6 months ago
