How should I handle this sexual harrassment charge against my fiance?

Your feelings are normal, but you can't let them destroy your relationship. It is kind of shady your husband didn't tell you and still isn't very open about it all. Based on that it DOES seem like there is more to the story that you don't know yet. I don't see any reason NOT to let you see the report unless that is the case. That doesn't mean it's something huge or shocking. He could be embarrassed about the whole thing too as it's his reputation on the line.

If he won't open up about everything, counseling could be best. All the best.

Oh my! This is a horrible situation for you to be in. I was nearly crying for you as I was reading it, thinking about what pain you must have been through. It must have been especially hurtful to find out about all of this from a third person, instead of having your partner confide in you. I am very glad that you and your partner are going to seek counselling, and I wish you both well through the process.

First of all, there is nothing to be gained from concealment at this stage. While your fiance may want - understandably - to forget about this whole incident, it has left you with your confidence in tatters. You are suffering issues with trust, and you need to know the whole truth if you are ever going to be able to heal - otherwise you will be eternally tortured by doubt about what actually happened.

It may be that your fiance is telling the truth and that you now know all the relevant details. It may not. The point is that you have a legitimate and rational reason to doubt his word here, given that he didn't tell you about the complaint, and has not exactly been forthcoming in discussing its ramifications with you. I suspect from what you write, that you will not be able to rest until you are able to see that report, and to read it in its entirety. It would be best if your fiance could be brought to see your need for this, and to provide you with the document himself for you to read (perhaps through the counselling sessions). He must realize that your confidence has been knocked by this experience, and that you need some help restoring it. Being open in letting your read it would be a tremendous first step to re-establishing trust between you. I do think you should be patient, start counselling, and then give him every opportunity to let you see it. In particular, in the context of the therapy sessions, I would ask why he doesn't want to let you see it, and explain how hurt and shut out you feel by his attitude towards the whole situation.

I'm afraid that, if I were in your shoes, and he still refused to allow this after being given every opportunity to share in your process of grieving, I'd become highly suspicious. I would then do my utmost to obtain a copy of the report via legitimate means (maybe using freedom of information legislation, if necessary). It's not like reading his private emails or his diary - this is an official public document that is already in the public domain. Other people have viewed and read it: as a party intimately connected with the accused, you deserve to have access to the same information as you make important decisions about the future of your relationship.

I hope that if can get some answers, with the help of a counsellor, you'll be able to let go of some of those obsessive and irrational thoughts. But right now, it's not surprising that you're feeling insecure - anyone would be. You're doing the right thing in seeking help, and trying to keep the lines of communication open. xxx

I would be bugged too. Him hiding it was stupid and made it seem suspicious. He should have told you. And since he didn't, he should be willing to prove his innocence to you by showing you the report. I would want it too. The racist thing is bull sh*t, why does everyone play that card? It would have been the same issue no matter their color. If he won't get it for you, can you get it from his supervisor? I am sure it's confidential. Maybe you could contact the female co worker and ask her to get the report for you, maybe ask her for the details. It would make me crazy and irrational too. Whenever I knew my ex was hiding something I would go CRAZY until I got to the truth. And I am sure it's not just gonna go away, you gotta know. Sit him down and tell him how you feel. If he won't cooperate there are probably other means of getting that report. He's obviously hiding something.