Why can't I make my friendships last?

The fact that they don't last is probably nothing to do with you. People always come and go.

Some people start friendships to get something out of the other person, like to get involved in a better crowd or to get asked to cool parties or whatever. Sometimes they try being friends hoping it will lead to a relationship then get disheartened when it doesnt. Some people are genuine but they change and move on with their lives and the friendship ends. I was a good friend to this girl who had no one else, it gave her confidence and she met this guy, they are now together and she rarely speaks to me. I don't mind, I'm glad she's happy.

Dont be so hard on yourself, genuine friends are hard to find, if you have 2 or 3 you're doing pretty well believe me.

The average friendship lasts about 18 months. In that time, you have heard most of their stories and have a fairly good idea of who they are. Unless you have a number of common interests that you are currently pursuing, you will likely drift apart as you find other things to do that don't necessarily mesh. This is normal and happens to most people. What is causing you problems is the idea that friendships should last forever which isn't logically possible. You will get new and different friends as you grow and matures and each of these relationships will offer different opportunities and challenges. Take each one as a gift and enjoy them while they do last. When you grow beyond each other, value the time you did have rather than reviling the relationship because it didn't last forever. You might find that they tend to bring more happiness that way.

I know what are you going through I been backstabb a lot of times to and I still keep loosing friends sometimes I think this is my destiny but everything in this life happens for a reason.

Well sometimes it's best to hate your friends. They can become intolerable at times, so why should you put up with that?

After going through all this stuff you come out being really able to appreciate good people more than ever, although it may seem for a while like your capacity to enjoy friendship has forever been ruined. It has, but it can recover, just like all good things.

I'm glad you asked this and got a really good answer, because I'm the same way; and my 'best advice' just would've been to try to find friends that are understanding and you can have a closeness with that is stronger than regular fleeting friendships that seem to be so common.

And as for not feeling well often enough, I've personally found a few things that greatly cheer me up and can give me that energy to put out a more joyous energy that typically leads to my close friends laughing, smiling and being happy to the point where it actually makes me feel a bit better myself. You might want to look for things whether they be big or small that make you smile and cheer you up a bit, if you are curious what things do that for me feel free to message me, but I won't put them here as some of them are somewhat embarassing for me.

Best of luck to you.

Friendship is a social contract. For each person to continue that contract it helps if the friendship is equitable. That means you both have to enjoy what you get out of the friendship.

It is not hard to tell what makes people break their social contacts, like you mentioned, back stabbing, and drama in general is often enough to stress a friendship to a breaking point.

But, count yourself lucky that you have 3 good friends. But the best way to keep a friend is to be a good friend in return.

Good Luck,
James

to tell the truth most people have 2-3 core friends and the rest are people they know and are quite good mates...
The best way to attract really go friends is to be happy in yourself... That's the only truth there is..

You should try xanax or a mild painkiller to sedate the pain. read self help books. try to be more self confident. have you ever had a serious relationship. if so y did it end?

you have to find trustworthy people...and people who are in fact just like you. You have to find the right group that has the same interests as you as well as having likewise personalities.

hey there, I can relate to this, since I'm going through the same thing. It could be that you are not meeting people who are compatible with you. I'm trying to solve my prob with accepting when any one tells me if I want to hang out or not. If I don't know a person that much I don't trust him full out but I take my time. My suggestion would be, meet as much people as you possibly can! and you will meet good friends, hence long lasting friendships :)

It sucks to be stabbed in the back a bunch of times but sooner or later you gotta be a bit more picky about your friends... don't be afraid to be a critical judge of character.. You don't have to get too close to people.. make a friend and leave them alone for a few days until you are comfortable enough to hang out with them again.. don't feel obligated to do anything for anyone if your not comfortable..

Its ok to have trouble trusting people.. its just the reality of the world.. when we are kids we trust everyone, the more mature we become, the more power we have to be less vulnerable..

To get comfortable with yourself, change something about you that you don't like.. and you'll build confidence step by step.. A good way to make your friendships last is to give just enough and take as little as you can.. It sounds unfair to take less than you give but its important to keep your friendships last a life time.. One drawback is that people will try to take advantage of you a lot.. so don't let them.. when your getting a clue that someone is taking advantage of you, back away, tell them your busy (keep yourself busy, don't let your schedule circle around others) and don't feel obligated to do something for them.

get comfortable with yourself
1.change something to make yourself feel different..new hairdo, new makeup, a new outfit set
2.dress how you want. the only reason you think people are judging you is because you are judging yourself
3.keep your head high, litterally. look up, make eye contact and smile...not one person has punched me yet!
4.Believe in yourself. You won't get anyone to believe in you if you don't believe in yourself.
5: NETWORK YOURSELF you're of college age...why don't you join a few clubs...possibly a club for your major, a work=out club...etc.

the whole thing is just to believe in yourself. once you believe in yourself, you give up trying to please people, then the people that you are meant to be surrounded with will find you.

I went through this exact same thing once.

i would suggest working on you self esteem ASAP. Google it up, and get working! Maybe a couselor could also help you out, they might offer techniques to improving your self esteem, and if worse comes to worse theyll direct you to someone who can provide you with meds for a possible chemical imbalance (depressed all the time). I personally don't agree with medication, but you never know... Everyone needs their personal time, and it seems like that's what your doing. When its overdone to the point that you have become antisocial, then you know something in your life has to change.

There are two people who have to want the friendship to last, right? So no matter how hard you try, if the other person is not really that into it (which happens a lot lately, I'm afraid), it won't help.

Plus, I think if someone backstabs you, of course you should shut them out a.s.a.p!

I kinda am the same as you. At the moment, my friends are hanging out with this one girl I really don't like, so I never go to the meetings anymore because it upsets me so much. I'd rather be alone and do stuff I like than hanging out with them and her and feel bad.

I've had these same issues. Anxiety and depression suck. What really sucks - when the people you think you can count on are too self absorbed or impatient to stick around and help you through a bad bout. What I have found to keep myself happy is to think about all the wonderful core qualities within myself that I am REALLY proud of. For example, I'm loyal and kind and I have really good integrity. I don't throw myself at men nor do I go after men who are already taken. This internal sense of pride gets me through the bad days, and while I find it shocking when my friends don't always share these same qualities, I feel really glad and thankful and joyous when I find the 1 (or in your case, 2 or 3) who do.

Honestly, this sounds a lot like my situation, but fortunately I never struggled with anxiety or depression. I had a group of close female friends in high-school. We did everything together for YEARS. Then, when graduation came, they all lost touch with me and each other. For a while, I thought something must be wrong with me, but college changed my mind on that.

In college, I made tons of new friends. I was very involved and became pretty well-known on the campus. I've been out of college for a year now and talk to SOME of the people I knew, but others, like the girls in high-school, don't bother calling or emailing anymore.

I've realized that a lot of people aren't true friends; they're only interested when you're around and then it's "out of sight, out of mind." This has nothing to do with you, it's just that they're sh*tty friends.

Others are really interested in people and want to maintain their good relationships. These people keep in touch and are the type that become life long friends.

As for the cutting people out of your life - I do that too. There have been times when I've considered letting them back in, but experience has shown me that letting these people go is a good decision. I mean, you give someone your trust and they still do something to hurt you. It's like the old saying, "fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me."

I've found that the people I've remained friends with are the ones I have the most in common with. Perhaps you could join a club or something where there's lots of people with your interests?

Don't lose your trust. I've been back stabbed too. By the person who I thought it was my best friend. But I decided not to give up on people. I found some REAL friends thanks to that.
You should be happy to have 2 or 3 "core" friends yourself... Things like that are rare in life and you should always appreciate them. Friendships can't be forced, they happen between people who can understand each other. So you do have friendships. I think it doesn't matter how many people it is. As long as you know you can cry on someone's shoulder when sad and share your happiness. Nurture that. =)

Then again if you insist on making more friends, you must relax and and open up, but test them before letting them into your world. If you trust the person, and aren't afraid of betrayal (even though it might happen) you have a solid foundation for friendship. Take a risk, that's the only way. =)

I'm the same way, I usually have a best friend and some close friends that come and go. I don't know why. I doubt its you, I think its just a part of life and that's how it works