My best friend was seeing a guy casually although he was still technically with his girlfriend on and off. When they finally broke up he continued to see my friend in a friends with benefits sort of way, it was nothing serious.
As I got to know him there was a chemistry between us, we were attracted to each other and he always described me as his type (brunette, curvy, the opposite to my friend). Then one drunken night I slept with him. We passed it off as a drunken mistake and my best friend forgave us. She continued sleeping with him, but so did I. I felt terrible about doing this, but I couldn't help myself.
When they were together I felt used, but then the thrill and passion would always draw me back. I told him that I had feelings for him, but he didn't say whether he felt the same way. He tried to break it off a number of times with both of us, but we kept falling back into the same triangle. Him me and my best friend, sneaking around and being paranoid about what the others were doing when they weren't around.
I let it slip to another friend in confidence, but she told my best friend. I lied about it again and we fell out for about four months. She still carried on being friends with the guy though. All my other friends stopped speaking to me. During this time me and the guy became best friends and carried on having sex. We tried having a relationship but he said he was still in love with his ex, and wasn't ready for another girlfriend. I tried to avoid him, but I had become too emotionally attached. I was so messed up and depressed.
Eventually I apologized to my friend and she forgave me. She has now got a new boyfriend although she cheated on him recently and I suspect it was with the guy. As for me and him, I try to keep contact brief, but when we do see each other I can't help myself and he takes advantage of that. I put myself in positions where I know my willpower will crumble. I know we can't be together, but every time I see him I delude myself into thinking we could.
I am so guilty for everything I have done, I have lied cheated backstabbed and manipulated. And now I have got what I deserve I'm in love with a man that doesn't want me and I let him use me because I can't take the idea that he might leave or reject me. I know the best thing I could do would be not to see the guy, but it is impossible because he goes all the same places I go, and all our friends are the same people. I know I've done a lot of bad things and believe me I'm suffering for it, but has anyone got any advice on how I can sort this mess out? I'm a good person and I just want to be happy and loved.
What size of city/town do you live in? If it has a decent sized population, you could find a new group of people to spend time with, it just takes some effort. If it is always the same locations you find him hanging out, he probably goes there on purpose to find either you or your friend to hook up with.
You already know he isn't going to change, he's getting what he wants from two different women. The only thing you can do is make the decision to break off all together and find what you really want elsewhere. You should consider moving, even if it's only a short distance away.
(Age:18 to 24)
When: 7 months ago
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