Ok my girlfriend has low self esteem which I am trying to help. But she has this fear of ever getting fat. She doesn't have to because she doesn't have the build to get fat and she has a high metabolism. Anyway she was sick yesterday and I got her to tell me why. And I got the reason that I thought caused it but that I didn't want to hear. She made herself throw up because she felt guilty about eating. She knew I wasn't happy and I told her why she shouldn't and told her how disappointed I was in her. And then I told her that if she ever did anything harmful to herself I would do the same to myself. She couldn't believe I would do that. So then I asked her if she understood. And she said that she did and that if she hurt herself she would be hurting me as well. That is the best way I could think of to get her to not do any of this stupid stuff and make sure she eats when I am not around her. Because she knows I can tell if she isn't. Please I really need help with this. I just can't sit by and watch her hurt herself I care about her to much to do that. Is there any other way I can help her out besides being around her as much as I can and telling her how beautifull she is?
Update: Ok thanks for the input. She has told her parents about it and they are getting help. The problem now is I think she is really depressed. But then this last week she has been a total jesus freak. (no offense to religious people)
3 months ago
Update: Oh yeah she has broke up with me before telling anybody about her problem and now wants to get back together but I don't want to because she seems to be having some mood swings. She is happy one week then depressed the next.
3 months ago
You've got to do what others are suggesting-- I'm pretty sure, with this problem, she can't fix it herself. Professional help is pretty much the only way she'll get through this. And it won't help to say you'll do it to yourself, too. Because 1) will you really?! and 2) she won't mind as much as you think. By the way, mood swings commonly accompany the disorder.
As hard as it may be for me to tell you this, you need to get her into an eating disorder rehab place. I was anorexic on and off for 3 years and now that I look back on it, I wish someone would have sent me to one. As much as you want to believe that you can fix this, you can't, and by getting her outside help she will hate you but it is better for her to get help before she ends up in the hospital on life support.
Telling her you're going to do the same to yourself isn't going to make her stop. It'll just make her get better at hiding her disorder. I'm a recovering bulimic (recovering being key word because I still struggle daily with it) and I can tell you, that ED's usually stem from a deeper issue than just what we look like. It's an emotional disorder and 98% of the time has nothing to do with our looks. You can tell us how beautiful we are every second. We don't believe it, and most of the time we don't care and we don't want to hear it. It often becomes more of a trigger instead of helping us. The last thing we want is someone up our butts commenting on our body and what we eat or don't eat. When I was at my worst, anytime someone would say ANYTHING I'd just think "Well, I think I'll binge/purge today" It just made me feel better, somehow, I felt released when I stuffed myself and got rid of it. Like at least I had control over something in my life.
It's really hard to explain. Just support her and be there for her. Choose your words wisely.
I had the same issues in the past, I'm 20 years old and was 35kg I have a boyfriend who has supported me through it I have only put on 5kg but it may be small amount, it is a start I can push through as I have the support of my boyfriend and family. Telling someone there beautiful non stop isn't going to help, you need to tell her how worried you are about her and that it hurts to see her doing this to her self ''this is where you can add you are perfect to me'' if this doesn't work I would suggest you talk to someone else as she is only doing damage to her self. It might be hard to get through to her, but you really need to.
First of all, speaking from experience, an eating disorder is one of the hardest things to get over, and it will take her a VERY long time so be patient. The best thing you can do is be there for support. Don't ask her everyday if she has been eating or throwing up. She will most likely start lying to you. Instead, just ask her if she wants to talk and don't push her too far because she may lose her trust in you. Telling her how beautiful she is will help, I mean who doesn't like hearing that, but don't say it so often that she gets the vibe that you are saying it and not really meaning it (even though I'm sure you do). Hope this helps!
Yes there's lot of ways to help her. Go to a support group for loved ones of people with eating disorders. They have great advice and ways to approach things. Remember not to be accusatory. Don't tell her you're dissappointed in her because her guilt will go up and make it worse. Also don't tell her that it is stupid. She may get that confused and translate it as you think her feelings are stupid. Just let her know that you are there for support. I don't know how long you guys have been together but if you are very comfortable with each other you might want to suggest she talk to someone about the way she feels or go to a group meeting together. That way she can see that she's not alone and that there is lots of love and support out there.
Anyone can get fat. There is no certain "build" one can get fat with. High metabolism can be slowed down. Eating disorders are really serious, by the sounds of it, she's not anorexic, but bulemic. Anorexia is when one won't ever eat. They will consume probably 20 calories a day. Bulemic people are different, they will eat, but they will purge it out afterwards. talk to a counselor or seek professional help or something along those lines. This is something that needs to be stopped.
I've been there, and done that. Except not with an eating disorder, rather a problem with Self-Injury.
There is only so much you can do for her by yourself. You sound like you are approaching the problem perfectly, for you genuinely care about her. Constantly telling her that she is beautiful is a good start, and finding ways of trying to build up her self esteem are fantastic. However, she is obviously having some serious self-esteem issues. Though she may not induce vomiting regularly, she certainly is headed for darker places than she currently is.
If this has seriously been a problem for more than a week, you will need back-up to succeed. Thus far, you have been perfect, I don't know about the "I would do it to myself" bit, but letting her know that it hurts you was a good move. Is there anyone else who is extremely close to her that you can talk to? You can't be the only one holding on to her. And you do need professional help, or at least the help of as many friends as you can get. Everyone in her life needs to be involved in trying to help her.
If the selection of friends is slim, get a counselor or other professional, medical help. All schools have a counselor (high schools and Universities) and most major towns have some sort of rehab clinic, where you can receive help.
I would recommend getting outside help as soon as possible. If it causes you two to break up, but it saves her life, it is worth it, remember that. You can't do it all alone, get her the help she needs.
Well that was an impulsive decision to make. Idk I might have done the same thing. If I were you I'd make her feel like being really skinny is gross and that a girl with a little junk in the trunk is good. If you could convince her then she might start eating well again and her fat shield will come down. I'd be like, "girl, you are bony, it's time to eat, I feel like if I touch you then you might break." I'm not saying to say that exactly (it's not really perfect) but something along those lines.
That's dangerous, as if she is having eating disorders to begin with, there are chances that, there lay deeper emotional problems. The last thing you want is to destroy what little self esteem she has left. - 5 months ago
Answerer
If you're throwing yourself up, you have no self-esteem. I just offered an idea. If you want to help then you give him a solution, don't bash mine. Plus, I think it could work, the only way to help her is to change her mentality and Bringer saying, "Do Not Do This" is not helping, you are only diminishing options - 5 months ago
That's like suggesting to a person on the verge of suicide that they should, "cut a little deeper so you die faster. " It's not a healthy option. The idea is alright, it's what the girl needs to start thinking, but the approach is quite frankly dangerous. A diminished option is acceptable if the end result will be worse than the problem. I am concerned by the callousness of your answer. Mind that I did submit my own possible soulution. If it keeps the girl alive, I'll "bash" your anwser. - 5 months ago
Answerer
Bringer your input towards the situation has reaped no benefits for the asker. Frankly, if someone asks for advice then you give them advice, you don't give them crap. "Get a counselor" isn't very practical as the girl in question must have this as a desire. Forcing something upon someone only deters the main objective. But you already knew that, my mistake, obviously you didn't. - 4 months ago
How would a guy feel if his girlfriend kind of started to be anorexic. Would he be worried? Want to help her? Be mad at her? Want her more?
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