My best guy friend is 20, and I am 22. I find that we are unbalanced when it comes to life experiences and intelligence. He is a very kind, sensitive, and a little on the vulnerable. He didn't have many friends most of his middle school years and highschool was equally hard. He was very overweight, under confident, and shy. He lost all the weight (about 140 pounds). I never knew him during his 'fat years', but did meet him when he was skinny and normal. But, he did show me pictures of himself when he was bigger and older friends have remarked on how much weight he has lost. Since his weight loss, he has traveled, gained more friends, and goes out more. But, I don't think he has actually properly reflected on developing himself as not what he should be, but 'who' he is. Really getting to know ones self in a reflective manner.
I am somewhat opposite of him. I am outgoing, opinionated and have a good level of confidence. I owe that to my upbringing and that fact that I have always tried to continually develop myself through different life experiences. I take time to reflect and observe situations. I am cautious and hardworking, but at the same time try to understand people for who they are.
I find that most of our discussions revolve around me helping to give him some insight into his life. He always come to me for advice on girls, jobs, traveling etc. He is comfortable talking to me about his past, his present family/friends situation. I am a bit of an adviser. He appreciates my advice and often tells me he wouldn't be able to live without me. He is going for 6mths to 1 year abroad. And told me he would miss our conversations.
In short, is it possible I am contributing more to this friendship than he is? Should I be annoyed that he texts or calls me for advice? Is this friendship balanced? I am just an advice girl? Should I 'cut' him off?
The issue is that I do like him more than a friend. I asked him if he felt that same way. But, right now he said he is not interesting in dated anyone. Because he is really kind, sensitive, and good guy he gets tons of attention from girls. It confuses me that still comes running back to me. No matter the situation. I have put my feelngs aside for the sake of being their for him as friend. Sometimes it hurts, but, I don't know what do anymore. - 6 months ago
Answerer
Okay, that's what I guessed it was. I don't think he's trying to hurt you. It seems like he likes you as a person and from what you've said he's a decent guy. However, I'm sure it does hurt when he asks you for advice about other girls. It's okay to tell him this. He already knows you like him so it's really okay to say that you don't want to hear about other girls. He'll probably be able to handle that fine, but if he doesn't it's really him being unfair. - 6 months ago
Question Asker
I think your right. I consider myself a really strong person. Many of the girls he talks about are common friends. These girls are great, and I would be happy to see them together. Only because I do not want to be selfish. I would be happy for him either way. Do you think he needs more relationship experience to realize what he has got? I just feel like he picks my brain because he knows that I am smart and confident. Apparently, also the next Dr. Laura (from the radio) - 6 months ago
Answerer
He might need more relationship experience. Or maybe he kind of sees you as a big sister. Or maybe it's something else entirely, I don't know.
I don't think you should worry about being selfish. Something is going on that's legitimately hurting your feelings and it's not wrong for you to want that to stop. - 6 months ago
If you are uncomfortable giving him advice then don't. If you don't feel like you can trust him when you need help, then the friendship is not balanced. Otherwise I don't see a problem. I ask my best friend (female) for advice all the time because I would like to get a female perspective and I trusted her opinion. I would be able to talk to her about anything on my mind and she could talk to me about anything on hers.
Do you think you could keep asking your female best friend for advice knowing she could like as more than a friend? It's funny, because I feel like I know him more than he knows himself. It tares me up inside when he says he cannot live without me. Like why say that? He gets tons of attention from girls. So what does it matter if I left the picture? - 6 months ago
Answerer
I'd still ask for advice, just not on girls because I wouldn't want to put her in an uncomfortable position. You are obviously someone important in his life if he trusts you enough to take your advice on everything. I don't think he knows you have feelings for him. You should have a talk to him about that. Also, I feel like she knows me better than anyone else, including myself. - 6 months ago
Question Asker
It's one of those classic situations where you begin liking your best friend. Ah. One of his really good guy friends, during one of his tipsy moments, blurted out that my bestfriend really likes me a lot and is crazy about me. When I asked my bestfriend if their was any truth to it...he just sort of laughed it off. So, yes, I have brought up the idea of this. Honestly, I don't know if he needs to date a lot of grils and his heart broken to realize how good we could have it. - 6 months ago
Answerer
You should really tell him straight up that you like him. He may not be getting the hints you throw out there. - 6 months ago
Question Asker
Yes, I suppose 'alluding' to the idea is not helping. I thinking asking someone if they like you is different than telling them that you like them. The first is uncertainty the second is clear as day. Thank you so much for you help. I suppose guys need everything spelt out. - 6 months ago
Answerer
Yes we do. I wouldn't have guessed you liked him if you hadn't said so. - 6 months ago
No I don't think you should cut him off. I am also the adviser is almost all my friendships. Its simply because I am very intelligent and have a lot of insight and people want to know how to handle things, people, situations, etc. But they do balance themselves out. They provide me with fun conversations and stories, good company, sometimes they help me out when my car is messed up or something. Friendship is give and take. As long you enjoy his company and believe he brings something to the table then its fine.
One thing you need to bring to his attention is that he fails to grow as a person and stuff.
(Age:18 to 24)
When: 6 months ago
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