This guy I have been friends with benefits on and off with for many years like 8 years. Nothing serious relationships in between. I know I haven't treated him the best and the first year was all rejection on my end to him think always canceling plans, don't text him back I never really cared he was nice but that was always it. If we go awhile he always texts me. We don't talk everyday he'll text me every couple days to say hi as we have been hanging out more I have started to like him . When we do hang out we spend the night. We never go out he tried at first but I always said no lets just hang out at my house or his house. He always remembers small things that we have done or I have said. He'll do nice things for me when we hang out, asked me to come to his memorial day party which is so far away? We hung out on v day but he didn't get me anything. A couple of months ago via text I told him that I didn't want to be just friends with benefits anymore and he said neither do I but nothing has changed? I know his shy but so am I. I'm not sure if he feels the same. How can I tell if he is using me for just friends with benefits or if he likes me?
You agreed to a friends with benefits arrangement, so it's not fair to accuse him of using you. You knew the rules at the beginning.
You say this. "I like you. But I'm tired of our friends with benefits situation. I want to get more serious with you. I want us both to commit to a more serious relationship. If you're not interested, I understand, because I'm changing our agreement. But I can't keep doing what we've been doing. Think about it for a few days, then call me when you know what you want."
That's all. I think this is the most mature, respectful direct way to handle it. This method shows that you know what you want, but you also respect his opinions and decisions. It's non-manipulative. It helps you keep self-respect and some personal power.
You must prepare for the possibility that he won't want the same things that you want. That's his right. He might say "no thanks" and walk away. He might offer a compromise. So you must decide where your personal boundaries are, and you must stick to them.
Don't put him on the spot. He might need time to think it over and sort out his emotions.
I thougt you were always the one who rejected him a bit? He likes you. I have a kind of thing like this going on in the moment. I would like a relationship but if being friends with benefits is all you can get, you take it! Since he is always remembering what you did, and does nice things I guess it`s more for him then just sex! But of course he doesn`t go "all in" if you always used to let him know that a friend with benefits situation is all he could get. show some emotion and be nice to him back! That will work out in getting him to be a bit more dareing!
If you flat out asked him about being more than friends with benefits and he responded positively it's probably safe to say he wants the same things you do.
Maybe he's just been rejected so many times that he's afraid to initiate the change in fear that he'll scare you away.
So I would say start doing subtle things like suggesting you two go out somewhere public, the movies, coffee shops, maybe out to dinner.
That will probably make him feel like you're ready to start the change.
It sounds like he's interested, but continual rejection may have eventually worn down his drive to initiate. You're going to need to show him that you are serious about changing things, and give him some room to adjust to this. Be patient, and best of luck. :) - 7 months ago
I went out with this guy in year 10 and he was my first real boyfriend. We broke up and stay friends with benefits. That was 2 years ago now. We have...
Is having an emotional relationship better or worse than having a purely physical relationship with someone? That is a question that is tough to answer for me. I have been in an emotional relationship...
There's a commonly shared belief that condoms alter and distract from the pleasurable sensations of sex. Although this statement retains a shred of truth, can we really afford to put safety on the...
Disclaimer: GirlsAskGuys cannot guarantee the accuracy of answers, opinions and advice submitted by members. Please use common sense when following or omitting any content on GirlsAskGuys.com
(Age:25 to 29)
When: 8 months ago
Site Links
About GirlsAskGuys
GirlsAskGuys Widgets
Help Us Improve!
