How do I become stronger?

I'm gonna tell you the truth. None of us know Oprah or Beyonce in real life. Don't buy into an image that you see in the media. For all we know, both of them are the most insecure and frightened women in the world. Real strength comes from within. You wanna be a strong woman? Don't let past failed relationship define who you are now, or who you will be in the future. "Don't let a man be in charge". - A good relationship is an equal partnership. He supports you and you support him. A secure women is quietly confident and self-sufficient. She doesn't need to broadcast to the world "I don't need a man for anything." She just goes about her life, and it's self-evident that she is independent. A strong woman has a strong sense of who she is as an individual, she's not defined by her husband. She's a complete person already, with or without a man in her life. But she also doesn't over compensate for her insecurities about men. I talked to a woman on here who had this long list of what she felt she was owed in a relationship, and the type of guy she would consider being with. She projected this big image of herself as a queen, and a woman who didn't compromise. But is wasnt' very hard to see that she'd obviously been played by a guy at some point and was still seriously wounded over it; afraid to have it happen again. The strongest women I've ever met were also the sweetest people I've ever met. They had a kind disposition, but had a very clear understanding of who they were, what they liked and what they didn't like. They had standards of they could except and what they couldn't. But most importantly, they weren't pressed to be in a relationship. They let it grow naturally.

For Beyonce, her entire brand is built upon the idea of being an independent woman...but's its a brand. It's a public image. I think she's awesome, but I also know that she's a traditional southern Christian girl. She married the alpha male of the hip hip industry, a guy who personifies being a "boss" so it's obvious that she feels comfortable in a submissive role. She married probably the one man in the music industry who could keep her in check and rival her success. Lol, this is not a Nick Cannon-Mariah Carey situation.

Look in front of a mirror and scream at the top of your lungs...

"I AM A STRONG, INDEPENDENT BLACK WOMAN WHO DON'T NEED NO MAN!"

(no racist)

Bench press.

And multi-vitamins.

I have a female friend who is VERY strong and VERY self confident. How did she get this way?
She is 38 years old now, but lived through much abuse from a child on.
I've seen this from others too. It is surviving hard times that make you hard / tough / strong.
Like you just said yourself, you are now stronger. Like the old saying goes; No Pain, No Gain.
One thing about being "dumped" or rejected, it hardens your heart to some degree. You will guard it as a result and guarding your heart will seem cold or hard to the next person you enter into a relationship with.
So, bottom line is; Be careful of what you wish for. In order to be very strong like the ladies I know, you will have had experienced much adversity to get there.

this movie might inspire you!

link


Rocky is pretty much teaching there's a right road and an easy road. The son was rebellious, he was only thinking of himself, his image. So often people think more about their image than their personality. You shouldn't care? what people think of you personally, but ethically. People like other people robbing their dignity(only focusing on their image, rather than who they are).. If you don't believe in yourself, you will be cruel, selfish, and bad.Some people think life is given, when it is earned. Good things take time, they don't come all at once. When people fall or let others treat them like sh*t, they blame the people that love them the most. They let others define who they are, but themselves. As a result, they hurt the ones they love. They respect the ones that hate? them and disrespect the ones that love them. Rocky is a humble character and was making the point to his son that he is "self-centered" and living a fake life.

You either have authoritah or you don't. I have authoritah, and people respect it.

Have confidence and keep your head up... beyonce and oprah are not strong they are rich fatcats that like to play strong girl for the crowds, the single mom raising four kids on her own in the ghetto. You just gota believe that you can handle what ever the world throws at you and as soon as you do that it becomes easy to handle everything if you take it in stride and deal with things as they come. Live in the moment don't worry about the past or the future

Make time to devote to yourself. You can't be amazing for the world until you are amazing to yourself

It's quite easy to be strong when you have $50 million in the bank & can do anything you want.

It's when you have nothing people want & they still listen, admire & respect you then you can consider yourself a strong woman. It's something you gain through life experiences & how you deal with hard times. It's not going to happen overnight

is not about being strong, is about being mature and have a healty self-confidence, strenght won't do you much good, a bad relationship will hurt you, unless you become so cold-hearted, which again, is not any good and it will make you even more unhappy, also, the bigger they are the harder they fall, remember it, since I seriously doubt Beyonce is doing great with the arrogant jerk on her side, I don't want to be in charge, but I also wouldn't like a man-eater by my side, be mature, be thrutfull, and live your life at full, and by doing so you will naturally interact with the kind of people that are worth it and less likely to treat you wrong, but also, remember love needs faith, you will always have to rick getting hurt, check the song Glass, by Thompson Square, they explain it better, in fact they tell say a REAL thruth, we boys and girls are both glass :P when open up to love we both expose ourselves, if one guy takes advantage of you is not that you are weak, is more that he was not in love or do not even know how to love, maybe you are just giving yourself to the wrong guys

ok I will answer at the second (unwritten part of your question).

1- with all do respect your ex is a d***. If he had any self respect he would have had the talk with you and not just let you hang there.

2- If you wanna get over the situation and him. cut him out completely, so even from Facebook. Honestly, you seem like a nice person and I do not believe that he deserves much attention from you given his behavior. Your time is precious don't waste it on him.

3- Getting stronger will not reduce the pain of getting damped, it will however help you feel better on a daily basis. you could take many advices from the previous posts.

4- more of a comment than anything else, the best part of this story, is that this event will make you stronger when you are over the guy. I have experienced a sad story of the sort but she wasn't my girlfriend, and it has changed my personality ever since. Your self confidence has been damaged, you need to focus on rebuilding it. Women like beyonce and oprah send a vibe of self confidence when you see them talk and do anything, that vibe is what make you feel that they are undestructible.

I hope it helps ^^.

To be a powerful person one needs to be strong physically and mentally. Exercising is a great way of getting rid of negative energy only if you have a positive attitude towards it. Confidence is also a good way of being mentally prepared for things. If you`re not more then you`re surely not less than anyone else. Have a good mindset and goals, and you`ll be stronger.

The key to being an overall strong person is self confidence.

Its VERY easy to focus on your strengths. Anyone can do that.

The main key to TRUE and REAL self confidence (which isn't touched much upon) is not aiming to self improve at all times...
...
... but also the acceptance of your "perceived unfixable weaknesses", whether they be physical traits, personality traits or other factors about the essence of you as a person.

All of the truly confident people I know accept and embrace those said weaknesses.

its called resilience not strength. its really only something you can learn through time I think. unless you learn from other people and adapt but it still takes a lot of time. and I personally think you have to be beaten down and worn out and get back up to really be able to perfect it. look at your life span, its pretty damn long. probably 70 years. now look at the time span your spending on this guy. you were with him for two months so that's kinda just a drop in the bucket compared to a lifespan of 70 years right. was he perfect for you? if he had proposed do you think you would have been happy for the rest of your life with him? probably not, and if you think so then you most likely needed more time together to discover something bad about him.

in short, don't sweat the small stuff when life has bigger fish to fry. your still young and life moves on from whatever issue or barrier or whatever you face. just keep on trucking and sooner or later you'll build up strength whether you realize it or not.

my personal favorite is to juts not give a f*** about really anything or anybody. works pretty well for me.

Learn from past mistakes and keep love in your heart at the same time.

It's a good goal to be a strong woman, but don't assume that even Beyonce or Oprah never had relationship issues. Being strong helps for sure, but it doesn't assure that you'll never have someone break up with you. It just means that you won't let yourself spiral off into depression as a result.

One thing you need to do is learn to believe in yourself, believe that you are WORTHY of good relationships, and STAND UP FOR YOURSELF, from Day 1, in your relationships. You can do this without being mean or bitchy; you just have to be FIRM about what your needs and values are. A big part of that is not being afraid to communicate and to TELL THE TRUTH, especially when the truth is hard to hear or take. When your guy knows that you're going to tell the truth no matter what, HE is going to be more secure too. You also need to create a relationship where he is able to tell YOU the truth without you losing it if it's something you don't want to hear. You have to be able to work on those hard issues TOGETHER.

So, bullet points:

- Recognize your own value and worth.
- Stand up for yourself, from Day 1.
- Communicate.
- Be HONEST, always.
- Work through your problems together.

If you follow this plan, your successes will bolster your confidence, and your failures will just become learning experiences and not personal indictments. Know that you'll make mistakes and have failures along the way. Oprah has had plenty of failures. So has Beyonce, and so has EVERYONE WHO HAS EVER BEEN SUCCESSFUL. What made them successful is that when they failed, they got right back up and kept working on success, and they analyzed that failure to see what they could learn from it. Anyone who is a success will tell you that they learned more from their failures than from their actual success.

Good for you for getting stronger from your experience. However, don't make the mistake of just deciding you don't need anyone else to be happy. You may be one of the rare ones who can be happy and fulfilled without an SO, but most people cannot, whether male or female. It's just our nature as humans.

The last several decades of social changes have taught women that they do not need have a man in their lfe to be happy, which is sad in a way. Studies show that women today are, on average, less happy than at any point in history. Just do a quick Google search if you want confirmation of that. The decline of the traditional family is one reason for that. Women having to work more than in the past is another.

Nothing wrong with being strong and independent, but don't resign yourself to a life without men just yet. If you find the right one, and I hope you do, odds are you will be happier in the long run.

It's okay to acknowledge that men need women and women need men, in general, in order to be happy. Denying that fundamental fact of human nature does far more harm than good.

I think it has a lot to do with belief in yourself and your qualities.

So I guess - adopting new beliefs/mindset.

Like:

You know deep down that you're beautiful and desirable. That any man would be lucky to have you and if they don't then well it's their loss.

A strong sense of self. You're comfortable with who you are and your flaws. You know that deep down inside all you really need is yourself to be happy. That you have what it takes to deal with anything life throws at you.

Saying it is just not enough. You have to truly believe it. Find certain experiences/situations which kind of like back up those beliefs.

Good for you for not letting this get you down. You are a complete and WHOLE person whether you're with a guy or not. You sound like you are a strong woman, and that is good, because the right kind of guys will be attracted to that, and be attracted to you for the right reasons.

You should become a dyke.

Omg, I can't believe some of these crazy comments! First of all Oprah and Beyonce are two very strong black women that deserve their rich cushions, because THEY BOTH WORKED HARD FOR WHAT THEY HAVE TODAY! And not only that, they are giving back to the world with inspirational music and television shows that inspire millions... So while other idiots are blowing dough selfishly, BEYONCE gives uplifting messages to women everywhere through her songs then gets paid, and OPRAH has her OWN network promoting self-improvement in all of us on TV shows. That's why they are strong women...
But anyway, being a strong woman has everything to do with how you see yourself. I think that your ex sucks for what he did to you. You didn't deserve that crap. But being strong means healing yourself and forgiving those that have hurt you. And you should do these things to move on and build your self-esteem back up. Make yourself feel better by doing things that make you HAPPY- listen to some empowering music and really relax, write out your feelings in a journal, start new things you've always wanted to try. And take it from somebody who's been hurt by guys plenty of times, YOU NEED TO BE HAPPY. After you've forgiven him, built your self-esteem up, and found more happiness, build your bank account- A little more money doesn't hurt anyone. Now you've become stronger, for no one else but you!