I dated the first and only guy I've ever truly loved for about 7 months last year. We were incredibly happy together, probably too happy-- the relationship moved way too fast and got too intense for both of us. We are in college, which being a load of stress in itself, makes all that relationship stuff way more difficult in the first place. We started fighting all the time and finally made a mutual decision to stop dating, despite the fact that we still cared about each other greatly. We just wanted each other to be happy. Since then our friendship has not changed, and we still hang out all the time. We've both dated other people and nothing has worked out for either of us. It's been 6 months since the breakup, and no matter how hard I try to move on, I am unable to love anyone else like I love him.
Most people say it's hard to stay friends with an ex. For a while, it seemed easy; despite my lingering feelings for him I was able to see him on a regular basis without getting too sad. These days I feel that seeing him just makes it worse, I remember all the good times we had and get depressed.
As much as I try to cut him out of my life, it's impossible-- he still calls me all the time, tells me how much he cares about me/misses me/etc. On more than one occasion he's told me that he "still likes me," and that I mean more to him than anyone else in the world, and that other girls just aren't the same. This list goes on forever.
He hasn't made any moves on me physically at ALL, much to the contrary, all we've ever done since the breakup is hug and cuddle. Yet he appears to be emotionally attached. It's like we're platonic best friends, but then I keep getting mixed messages and it's driving me crazy.
I. E. , he was dating a girl a few months ago whom I couldn't stand. I told him I was worried about it, and the next day, he broke up with her. I don't know what that even means. In addition, we have plenty of mutual friends, several of whom have been telling me about how he talks about me "all the time" and constantly tells them that he and I have a "connection like no one else in the world," etc.
I want him back, and I want to tell him how I feel. A lot of people out there like the phrase "he's just not that into you," meaning if a dude wants you, he'll go for it, and if he just talks about it but doesn't actually DO anything, I should get over it, once and for all.
Other people say the exact opposite: he's just "scared" of getting hurt again and going through the same crap we did before. Either way, I am bewildered and sick of trying to figure him out.
Help me, boys! I still don't understand you guys at all. Thank you.
Usually I like to go by the phrase "he's just not that into you" as well, because I try and live by that book. However, in some situations, things are different. If I were you, I would be honest with him and tell him that you are still in love with him and that you either want to be back together, or you can't be friends for a while. Being friends with an ex is ok, but only after do not have feelings for them anymore. You obviously do and its going to hurt you in the long run. See what he says to that. If he does not want to be back together at this point in his life, that's your opportunity to move on and start over. It will take time, but it can happen. And if he does, then you will both be happy!
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