My ex-girlfriend has been clinically depressed for about two months. We had been together almost 8. She was amazing, I felt like I loved her and she loved me, we were so happy. We made so many plans and she was my first real girlfriend. But two weeks ago, after her parents found suicide notes, her psychiatrist sent her to a mental Hospital called Four Winds. This was so rough on me (we were still going out) because she went right before my junior prom, and I had to miss that for her. She was in so much emotional trauma, but I tried to help her as best as I could. She told me I could not tell anyone where she was, and so it consumed me. I cut myself, and cried for days straight(never done that kinda thing before). I promised her that I would be there for her and help her through this. But it was so hard.
She had maybe 10 minutes of time to talk to me on the phone a day, and I can not visit her. I told her to shut up on the phone, and she hung up on me. The next convo, I asked her to apologize, and she flipped. She was really upset and angry at me. She hung up after a short talk. A couple minutes later, she called back and said she wants to take a break at least until she gets out of the hospital, and everyone there says I am hurting her and she needs to let me go. I am so hurt because I tried so hard to help my baby(read depression books, always be there for her, watch what I say, get her gifts). From past breakups I know "taking a break" means your done forever.But with the depression and separation it's so confusing.
so there's my story in rapid fire mode.
Should I just let her go? or should I take her back when she gets out of Four Winds, and hang on to that she will get better and be her normal self again? Will I be able to go on in a relationship later knowing she did this? Did she mean it or is it the depression talking?
I'm so lost and confused, I don't want to lose my baby.but is it worth tearing myself up and hanging on for her, or should I try and move on?
Update: She gets out of the hospital tomorrow.I want to hold her and look into her eyes so badly. I miss her so much.She said she wasnt sure yet if she just wants to be friends or if she wants to get back together.Im letting her pick when to see me. any thoughts?
3 months ago
Haha this is going to make me cry:( um just love on her as much as she can. I don't know why she'd want to be just friends but just do whatever you can.
I don't know if it says if I'm the one who posted the topic or not, but I did. She said we were taking a break, and when I ask her what she wants for us, she always says she's not sure. And I asked her when will I get to see you? And she took FOREVER to respond (on aim) and just said "I'm not sure, I'm still getting used to home and stuff".I don't now how long I can take this.She asked me if I was still going to DMB with her(our favorite, we both think of each other with dave, very..romantic) said yes - 3 months ago
Answerer
I'm not sure what you're trying to say exactly. - 3 months ago
Question Asker
Sorry, it doesn't give me enough letters to say what I want.
Just trying to say she seems to be giving me mixed signals, and I asked her when she would be up for seeing me again..and she said she wasn't sure. she was still getting used to being home. And then she asked me if I still wanted to go to the local dave matthews band concert..and dave is very special in our relationship...so I am kinda worried, there is NO WAY I could ever go with her as a friend, I would cry. But I said yes anyway. - 3 months ago
Answerer
This is insanely crazy I wouldn't know what to do. I'm sorry this is just wow. She wants to be your friend and she's also clinically depressed. I would say don't go but with her depression, go... - 3 months ago
Question Asker
Yea, it's so confusing, and I guess it hurts me to think she hasn't just missed me so much, I mean it's been three weeks apart. All I can think about it seeing her again. Well, thanks a lot for the help I guess. I want to be more than friends. And I don't think I can do it as juts friends. I'll just wait for what she does I guess. - 3 months ago
Answerer
You'll be okay I promise! I know it hurts so bad:( especially since she's acting this way. If you need to talk more about this you can have my e-mail or you can send me a message on this thing. But my e-mail is nchristine112@msn.com. - 3 months ago
I was in a similar situation having to leave my boyfriend at boarding school for depression. All she needs right now is time but also love and support. Don't just give up on her but still keep your options open. It's tough in both of y'all's shoes and it seems you want what's best. Let her have time to grow and get back on her feet and then see what happens with things.
i think what she asked is fair - to give it a rest while she's recovering. She doesn't need to worry about a relationship at this point. and it sounds like you've got some issues of your own that probably need some dealing with. You need someone to talk to, but I don' think that "someone" is her right now.
She needs your support! Show her that you will be there for her. That's what she needs. Even if it doesn't work out, maybe you guys can still be friends!
Oh my I’m so sorry this is tough. Don’t let her go. Wait for her… please wait. Don’t leave her, you promised. Love on her do everything you can, it’s weird because this happened to me. I was clinically depressed too and my boyfriend didn’t see me for a really long time he left me. He got sick of missing me. He got me through so much pain, and now when I’m really upset when the aspects of my life get tough he’s not there. He’s not there to make me laugh, I always thought he’d dry my tears, not make them.
Some people push loved ones away when they are sick. But you said "I promised her that I would be there for her and help her through this." That doesn't just mean take her back later. It means be supportive now as well. Could you go on "knowing she did this? " It's not like she had much choice in being hit with this. Will she want you later if she feels you're not behind her now? Still, it has to be hard when she doesn't seem to be the girl you knew.
But regardless of what any of us think it means to be there for her, this is not something you can decide alone. The Dr's say whether outside contact is good or bad right now. They likely don't want outside pressures finding their way in - especially arguments with a boyfriend. We don't always realize the stress we place on people. And, if you can get to the point of cutting yourself, you should consider that you may be too "lost and confused" to offer solid support anyway. So let the staff do their thing. Try to find out what is recommended for her in terms of communication and stay within those boundaries.
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When: 3 months ago
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