My ex and I were together over 5 years. He broke up with me a couple of months ago saying he didn't feel the same about me. I asked him if there was someone else and he said no. However, a week or so later he tells me he's going to house share with a 20 year old lesbian girl he's friends with at work. Now I knew they were friends, and to be honest she was part of our problems, she'd text him all hours of the day and night and at weekends and he'd always be really coy about it - leaving the room to answer her or turning his mobile over so I couldn't see who he'd texted - or if we were out, going to the toilet every 5 mins so he could answer her.
Since the breakup I've always presumed that they'd become and item, but despite spending a lot of time together after we split up that hasn't happened - even though they now live in the same house.
Throughout all of this though he's continued to email me at work - not just a few emails either, 20 a day! He starts more of the conversations than I do. We don't talk about anything big or heavy just general gossiping about what we're doing and what's happening at work.
I'd just like to know from a guys perspective what his motivation might be for staying in touch - he is, after all the one who wanted out of the relationship. Is it just habit that we've been in touch for 5 years and now it would seem weird not to talk or is he seeing me as a fall back position in case things don't work out? or is there something else going on here that I don't realize? We only ever talk he never makes any suggestions to meet up or anything.
Btw I'm honest enough with myself to know that the reason that I keep in touch is because I'd like us to get back together, but don't think because of that I'm a weak needy person - it'd hurt but I'm completely prepared to cut contact if that's what he wants - he just hasn't shown any signs that is what he wants.
Update: After 4 weeks no contact I now don't know what to do - we share friends so need some level of contact, but I don't want him back. Am thinking of inviting him for a drink to break the ice so we can bump into each other. Is this a good idea?
2 months ago
I'd guess you're someone he feels comfortable with after 5 years, and he wants and NEEDS reassurance about whatever bizarre relationship he is in now.
But I wouldn't give him much reassurance from what you say he's up to with this 'lesbian.' He obviously isn't 'together' at all with the strange behavior.texting at al hours even while he was still wtih you. That might be ok for a teenage but not at his age and not while he's still with you. He sounds unhinged and I would let him go at least until he gets back together.
I wish I could be more supportive but I don/t think getting together again would be very smart. At least not until this new situation of his has resolved!
Something really WEIRD is going on here with this girl and the farther away you stay from the whole thing, the better. He may not want you to cut contact but I think YOU should do that for at least a month and see how he responds, and by that time you should know whatever is happening with this 'lesbian'.
why you didn't try to move on and find a guy who care about you and want a steady relationship, i'm just curious , if he try to ask you to get together let him know what exactly you feel before you make any decisions ,
I know you said you wanted a guys opinion. But I had to share my similar experience. I had an ex of 6 years that was a lot like yours. Even a little more uncaring for that matter. Anyhow, I got the strength to get out and move on. He would contact me. Finally I had to be very rude so he would stop. He did. A year later our paths crossed and I asked him why he was the way he was. He said it was because we were habitual to him. He loved being able to talk to me about whatever but that he wasn't healed (his ex wife really screwed him over and he let her) and was leary of me. He admitted to missing me to as I was an ego boost. I was always willing to listen to him and to spend time with him. The thing is, he didn't want to give the effort back that he was receiving. Him reaching out was his way of staying in contact and knowing he still had it. I think that a part of your ex misses you but a part of him is incapable of being decent for the time being.
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(Age:Under 18)
When: 3 months ago
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