Me and my girlfriend had been friends for a year until we started dating 3 months ago. Everything was going great and we told each other this was the best time of our lives. I was bored in one of 1 and a half hour classes yesterday so I started flirting with this random chick next to me. She was pretty responsive so I put my arm around her and held her hand for the rest of class. I know it was really stupid, I don't deny that, but I have no idea what I was even thinking at the time. I was completely happy with my relationship so I wondered why I needed this closeness from some random stranger.
My girlfriend found out by having one of her friends text her with a picture and she played cool around me for the rest of the day but IM'ed me later that night and said she heard what happened and doesn't think we should continue dating.
I tried telling her honestly that I loved her more than I've felt about anyone before and that I was deeply sorry what I'd done. I told her I was no idea why I did it or what I was doing at the time but she never responded. After a while she said, I'm still here, just speechless.
Trying to pick up the shards of our relationship I asked if we could continue talking and she said yes. Then if we could continue to hang out sometime at school because I genuinely enjoyed spending time with her relationship or not. She hesitated for a bit but said yes and then said goodbye and logged off.
I didn't sleep a single minute last night and just kept on playing the scenario over and over with what had happened with that girl. I hated myself for ruining the best thing in my life, for someone so meaningless that I didn't even have feelings for. The second half of the night I spent trying to picture every possible reason/scenario I could use to get her back:
Do I beg at her feet right away and relentlessly plead her to give me another chance and risk her judging me as scarily-clingy and pushing me away even further, or do I try to pretend like nothing ever happened and focus all my effort to maintain a normal friendship and then try again next month and ask her to homecoming?
I wrote down all the thoughts I had that night because I thought they might be useful for a poem or letter that I knew I was going to give her someday.
Do I write it as soon as possible and get it out to her while she still sort of loves me, or do I wait a month for her to get over me only to get the cold-shoulder and devastation of her not liking me anymore?
I couldn't find her at school, but I think she was there, just hiding from me. Honestly I don't know whether I could have kept a straight face and stopped myself from breaking down and crying if I actually saw her. I im'ed her just now asking if we could talk and she just replied she'd rather not, I left it at that, I'm considering adding a "please?" after I finish writing this post.
Please what do I do? What Can I do? Is it hopeless?
Update: Do I writer her an "Im Sorry" Poem or a "I Love You" poem?
3 months ago
Update: Well she's hiding from me in school and every time I see her face she runs away, and ignores any texts or calls I make. She sent "it's too late" for the first one and then just stopped replying. I didn't even get the chance to give her the poem I wrote.
3 months ago
Update: Going to the dance tonight and I'll probably see her there. What do I do? Do I ask her to step outside with me and talk to me there. Do I ask her to dance and probably have her tell me no. Do I just dance with other girls, will she think I'm done trying?
3 months ago
Update: After a lot of texts badgering her to talk to me she finally agreed. Now what do I do? If I even mention anything about what happened I'm sure she's just going to run away. I'm afraid to even touch her because of what she'll say.
3 months ago
Update: I asked her what she would say if I asked her to dance tonight. She said "idk" which kinda makes me hopeful because if she hates my guts she would have said no, and her I don't know isn't a yes because she doesn't want to seem like she's taken me back.
3 months ago
Update: Do I try and talk to her about "it" or how much I love her while we're dancing or do I just "shut up and dance"?
3 months ago
You violated her trust by acting affectionate with another girl. Now she can't be sure if you were serious about her or if you'll just play around with anyone who will let you. Once trust is broken, it is difficult to fix because it calls into question everything you have done and will do. Now she is wondering how many other girls you treat that way, and how far you've gone with them. It doesn't matter if you are innocent, because she doesn't know.
If you really, sincerely want to try to fix this, you need to figure out why you would even do that in the first place. If you have a girlfriend you love so much, then what the heck are you doing playing around with some random girl? I don't blame her for being mad. I've had this done to me and it hurt my feelings more than anything else in the world. It also turned out that he was doing a lot more than holding her hand. So, you've got to get her to trust you again by being on your best behavior. Be honest with her and tell her why you did it. Do you guys just need more alone time? More intimacy? There must be a reason. She is wondering why and needs something to explain all that, otherwise she is just going to think the worst.
I spent all of last night replaying the scene in my head and trying to figure it out and came up blank. I want to tell her honestly what happened and that I don't even like the girl and it just happened, and that nothing like it will ever happen again, but I'm not sure if I want to bring it up again in my "please give me another chance" speech because it could only get a really bad reaction out of her. I don't blame her for being mad either, but you'd think she could talk to me about it before - 3 months ago
Question Asker
Breaking up with me and then avoiding contact with me whenever possible. She said something about "you don't talk to me at school much either" before she said she wanted to break up. I was really surprised by this because before school started I tried to coordinate our schedules and everything to see what classes I could walk her too and it seemed to freak her out how much time I wanted to spend with her so I backed it down a bit. Had no idea she felt that way and usually I read her like a book - 3 months ago
Answerer
She might just need a little more time before trying to talk to you again. If she had been feeling that you weren't spending enough time talking to her, then it sounds like seeing this happen was just the thing that pushed her over the edge- but she had already been headed that way. She should have told you her feelings, but maybe she hoped you would notice on your own.
All this only happened yesterday though, so she may still be thinking things over. - 3 months ago
Answerer
If you want to show that you do still care and that you are sorry, then don't give up. Don't smother her, but make an effort to tell her so. She may act angry or not want to listen, but if you leave her messages that she can look at later, she will re-read them or listen to them again and think about it. Don't cut off communication though, even if she tries. If she tells you to back off, use a more passive method like e-mail so it won't come off as stalkerish. - 3 months ago
Answerer
It's important to make it clear to her that you know what you did was wrong and that you are upset about it too. Try to get her to talk to you about how she feels and what she needs you to do. Make sure you tell her that you value your relationship and that you don't want to lose all that you had together over a stupid mistake. Be honest about how you feel and make her feel safe about telling you how she feels.
Sorry about the extra comments, the character limit is killing me. xD - 3 months ago
Question Asker
I wrote her a love poem about 2 weeks ago because she just falls head over heels for that kind of stuff. Said it was the best present anyone's ever given her. I still have a book she lent me so I'm considering writing another poem telling her how I feel and then stashing it in the cover of the book. - 3 months ago
Question Asker
Thanks a lot for helping me on what to say. There's just so much to say and I'm trying to find out how to condense it and prioritize it because I don't know how long I can just get her to sit there and listen.
Speaking of which, do I just want her to sit there and let me finish and then ask her questions, or let her interrupt before she's heard everything. - 3 months ago
Answerer
I think writing a new poem and putting it in the book is a very sweet thing to do. It will be a reminder of what you two had together when she finds it. I think it will be difficult for her to sit through everything without asking questions, so be prepared for it to go either way. Try writing down what you really want to say in a letter if you think you won't be able to say it all out loud or might forget something. Then she has the letter and you can tell her once more yourself. - 3 months ago
i don't know why you done what you done and either do you, we are aloud mistakes and that is yours.
i truly believe and this isn't something I say often but I truly believe you didn't mean it and truly regret it!
you seem to love this girl so I think you should tell her all the things your feeling and ask her for another chance but you have to make her truly believe your sorry and didn't mean it and you really do love her
if she says no well then its up to you to decide if you should move on or keep trying
Just say to her listen I love you I can't not be with you can we please make another go of it please - 3 months ago
Question Asker
I think I can tell her to meet me so we can talk face to face. I know how she thinks and she would go if I asked her to. I'm not really sure how to start. I want to tell her that I don't even like the girl and that its just something that "happened" and that I wasnt even aware of what/why I was doing it, but I don't think that would give her the positive attitude if I asker her for another chance. Do I refrain from talking about that and just tell her how much she means to me or do I slip it in? - 3 months ago
Answerer
I think just don't bring it up again and just explain how much she means to you and that you want to be together again - 3 months ago
Question Asker
All right, your the best, thanks a lot for the help. I really didn't mean to hurt her. I remember imagining a few weeks ago why people would cheat on their girlfriends and I couldn't think of myself ever doing something like that if I was in a relationship with someone I loved. Guess now I know, I'm still not sure how it happened. - 3 months ago
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