I'm a pretty smart girl, and well my ex-boyfriend broke up with me, stating the reason "I need space" now we all know to some degree what that might mean. But the fact is, I know it was something more than just space. I told him he could be totally open and honest with me but he keep insisting it's about space. I was totally okay with breaking up I just felt like at the very least I deserved to know why. Another thing is that he insisted on being friends, and when I pointed out to him that it was a hypocrisy to want space from me and want to be my friend he always shuts down with an "I'm not talking about this anymore." This is not a young boy this is a MAN in his thirties. So now all I want to know is why is it that he can't just tell me the truth, that he is scared of commitment, that he just doesn't like me anymore, that he sees no future, nope he just keeps stating space. I told him if he cared about being friends he would be honest with me about what happened, still he says it's all about space, why is it easier for some people to tell a lie and not the truth?
Well, it is possible he just needs space. Space for some people translates into fear of commitment or things like that, so to him, space might mean that. Granted, I don't think this is likely the case, the possibility always exists.
I would venture to guess though him wanting to be friends with you and get space could very well be an attempt to be near you while he gathers his thoughts on maybe whether or not he still likes you. If he's in doubt, he obviously doesn't want to cast you out, right?
And as for why people lie even when they're caught in one? It's simple. Even if the lie doesn't fool you, they can still fool themselves, and that way the pain isn't as bad for them as it would be if they accepted the truth.
I think 99% of the population does this, they all use self-defense mechanisms, and some more than others. Lying is the most basic one I think. If this guy really does shut down when you probe further, I think he really might have something more going on that isn't as simple as "I don't like you anymore" or "I found someone else", so give this guy some time. Even if he is holding back information, know that he and 99% of the rest of the people on this planet do the same thing, regardless of age.
Yea it just makes me livid that he thinks we can be friends when he ca't even be honest with me about what happened. I'm giving him space, but I also have this feeling inside that this space will probably equal out to us not speaking at all again. - 2 months ago
Answerer
If you're afraid of that, make sure you keep his contact information and all that. If enough time passes that you worry, you can contact him. - 2 months ago
Like I said below to Hercules, it is just so ridiculous that he thinks that we can be friends with one another when he is completely unable to be honest with me what kind of friend is that? - 2 months ago
Answerer
Hey, I agree with you. This being friends thing after ending a relationship is a pile of crap. I think you can be polite and tolerant of each other, but being friends is a reach.
I always laugh at this "I need space" thing too. It's a cop-out. Christ, go watch Star Trek if you need space. - 2 months ago
Question Asker
Yea I totally think just being civil when we see each other out should be more than enough. It just feels like insulting to say yeah we'll be friends when I pretty much know he is just blowing smoke up m butt about it. Yeah I know the space thing is just a total cop-out. It boggles my mind to think it's easier for him to make a mess and perpetuate the madness that a break up is but just not being honest. - 2 months ago
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When: 2 months ago
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