Break up in the Coldest way. Why?

Question

Is there’s ever justification in breaking up over the phone? Why do some guys want to do it in the coldest way possible? Does it make them feel superior in some sense?

He didn’t care about the girl and just broke up with her over text etc. What if you know that girl has just left an abusive relationship , she meets this guy and he breaks up with her over the phone just a day before another scheduled date. ?

Is that the best way to do a break up? I just want to know the reason for suchactions and the justifications?

Perhaps the guy has low self esteem, I don't know , just wanna know why. If there are any justifications, that is.why the h#! do would you or anyone do this? WHY?

Insightful answers much appreciated. :)

GoodManDave · Accepted Answer

If it's a casual dating thing, where it's like a second date, then I would think a phone conversation would be enough.

If the guy (or girl) is in an bad relationship where (s)he is being abused, and is scared for his (her) life, then phone or e-mail would be more than the abuser deserves.

Otherwise, if it's been going on for two months, it should be done in person, done in a private way (not getting friends involved), though done in public (just in case there is, say, a history of anger or huge over the top dramatics), showing a lot of class, no fault finding, no lame excuses ( Warning sign breakup: I'm sick of looking at those sores on your genitals." lame faith breakup: "I just don't think god wants us to date" or generic: "Let's just be friends").

Not that I would ever imagine myself doing something so impersonal (ok, except if in an abuse situation, CIA situation, or the first/second date clause), but there may be concern (even if unjustified) that the person being broken up with will "fly off the handle:" ie: dump water or a pot of fondu onto his lap, or kick him in the bajibblies.

It could be that (s)he's just a huge jerk and honestly doesn't care.

And then some boys (girls) would run from any uncomfortable situation like a breakup. Could be low self esteem (he or she doesn't like confrontations). It's not a good excuse, but perhaps a reason.

First time; I was cheated on; When I found out, I wrote a letter (because she lived far away and I wouldn't see her for two weeks). She called me, and hit me with some pretty emmasculating stuff.

The second girlfriend, she'd pick fights, then ignore me. That was easier, as I had warned her many times not to pick fights. She'd get rid of all my contact information, then she'd want my info again two days later to apologize and ask me back. In that case, since every little fight became a big deal breakup to her, we "broke up" many times (it was on again, off again, I think).

ferluc666 · Accepted Answer

It's not just guys' fault, or guys who do that. It's not the gender, it's the person.

My ex kept me believing that we had a relationship for two months after our anniversary when she'd stopped trying for us. The night before she broke up with me, we agreed to start trying for our relationship, I asked for one hour a week with her and she agreed. The next morning, I was talking to her online asking if she wanted to go get lunch with me. She responded that she wasn't sure but she was probably going to stay in her room and eat something with her sister. Lunchtime rolls around and I go up to her room and she says she's going to stay there. I lean in to kiss her, and she doesn't kiss back. I get upset, got to the cafeteria, not hungry anymore, I get a soda and go back to my room.

When I get back to my room, there's an e-mail waiting for me from her saying that she will always love me but she's not in love with me, blah blah blah. When I'm done reading, I'm in tears, and I get an IM from her "Check your e-mail"

Ugh. I hated the way she broke up with me. In person is definately best, at the moment when you realise that you don't love him/her anymore, before cheating; at least then the person can have respect for you. It's harder to do, but it's better.

luvlee808 · Accepted Answer

Depends on that specific persons maturity level. If you were dealing with a guy/girl who was already an ass/bitch during the relationship, then them breaking up over the phone or thru text shouldn't be that appalling. It's not right but truth is you shoulda seen that one coming.

If on the other hand, lets say he/she did care and still broke up over the phone or thru text, it's just him/her scared of hurting that other person and they don't have the heart to do it to their face. So they do it on the phone or thru text but they don't realize that by doing that, they're hurting the person more. Either way their going to get hurt but in person it at least shows that your mature and have respect for them. That you at least treasured the time you guys did spend together but it just didn't work out.

So No breaking up thru phone or thru text is not the best way and it's not justified but it still happens. I think everyone will agree that we would all rather get broken up with in person and anyone who's mature about it will. But not all of us are lucky in that way.

hapa18 · Accepted Answer

I don't know why, but at least ur friend got a text saying that they were over. My ex posted on his facebook that he was in a relationship with someone else. He hadn't talked to me in two weeks, I found out we were over when I saw his relationship status update. I ended up texting him asking what was up. he said he got together with "the one" he truly liked. Said that we had a thing, but he really wanted to be with that girl. In his case he thought if he told me things would have turned out worse than the did. He told me this about 3 1/2 months after the break up. (he called me and no we hadn't spoken before that time)

Honestly I don't know why guys do that. Girls do just as hurtful things to guys. I would know, I had to help my best guy friend through that. Just give ur friend time, she'll get over him. Keep telling her that he's a piece of Sh** and isn't worth thinking about. My friend told that to me when I was going through my emotional breakdown. It helped a little.

A-Guys-Opinion · Answer

Actually - I think if you have only known each other a couple of weeks and went on one or two dates, breaking things off with a phone call is probably the best way to do it. A text message, not so much. But either of the two are much better than the cruel silent/ignore treatment hoping the other person gets the point.

Consider yourself lucky that you got a text message! Seriously. I've dating women who, after a month or two, they simply vanish off the face of the earth and decide ignoring is the best option to end things. It would have made things much easier for me had I received a phone call (or email for that matter) that at least explained they are no longer interested. A text message is kind of cold though - only slighter better than the silent treatment.

Just remember, if it's been less than 30-90 days and neither of you two have began dating exclusively, the other person isn't entitled to give you a huge explanation for why they are no longer interested - but they should be respectful and at least tell you. That way you know you can comfortably move on right away without wondering what ever happened to the scheduled date that never happened.

wally · Answer

Well listen to my story , if this guy break up with you on the phone before his date what about this girl who didn't even txt to break up with me NO she make on of her Friends through their phone not even her phone to tell me that she don't  feel anything for me anymore and I need to leave her alone then after couple days  I hear  that she's going out on a date through the same Fu*cking friend , please if you have any justification for this Crap  Because  I didn't hear such a thing that you make others do the break up  INSPIRE ME  its been 3 weeks since last time I saw her and talked to her and 2weeks since I talked to her b*itch friend .

SupraTT · Answer

its not just guys that do it, girls also,

my ex did it to me but she kinda just yelled "i don't want to talk to you anymore there is no point going out" cause we were just fighting.

I didn't take it seriously and ended up going to her house and broke up.

I guess people do it cause the get mad and want to tell the other person to fu*k off straight away. Another reason (especially in long-term relationships) is that you know you have to break up but just can't do it because when the person is there you love them so dearly you don't want to realise the fact you have to split.

d0nk3y · Answer

My last girlfriend broke up with me over the phone. I think of anything she did it out of cowardice. I didn't care enough to really put of a fight but it did make me lose a lot of respect for her.

I know a few people who were broken up with over texts, phone, email. but the strangest one was a friend of mine that broke up with his girlfriend over Voice Chat in World of Warcraft.

quantumdefender · Answer

actually, there has to be a reason for the breakup, if I was dating a girl who did someting to totally upset me, I would respond by breaking up with in a way I know she would NEVER forget it.

if you know the real reason WHY he broke up with the gal, you will guess how he chose to do it.

in this situation, mabe things that should have been made clear, were not. maybe he saw something that could appears as though she was cheating on him? always good grounds to break up loud and ugly.

Euro-Raver · Answer

I hate people who don't do it in person. My ex broke up with over text, and I just feel cheated on. If you're going to break up with someone you should be there and have that emotional connection of telling them goodbye. It's what you owe that person, and I know after having suffered it from my ex that I'll never do the same.

Boris-Richov · Answer

Some guys like to look for an easy way out. Is there an easier way than to just send a text message, and for it just to be over with. Some guys hate conflict, and it's easier to turn away from something, if it's not in their face.

I know a lot of guys can be assholes, most guys who do this girls are either spineless or gutless, or they're good guys but are shy. I know I've met a few.

Maybe to put it in another and simple form. Girls are smart, boys think they're smart. Most girls can handle breaking up with someone better than a guy, cos they are more open with their feelings.

Remember the guys are the tough ones - or so they think they are! That's why they can't break up with a girl properly.

That was my first answer I've done on this website, so if I'm wrong in what I said plz dnt be too crittical lol.

Good Luck!

WishinIhadsomeone · Answer

Honestly anyone who breaks up with anyone over the phone has no respect for the other person.my ex broke up with me over the phone and it wasn't the break up that hurt the most it was the lack of respect on her part

metaldave20 · Answer

breaking up should def. be done in person, there's no excuse for what he did

Break up in the Coldest way. Why?

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