I hooked up with this guy I thought loved me. It was instant attraction, we didn’t know each other that well. We never got the chance. A little background info: I’m Asian, he’s White. My parents didn’t even meet him, they just looked at him and said they didn’t want me dating him and that it was embarrassing (he’s not in college but he’s around the same age). So, I didn’t just hook up for no reason, I actually wanted a relationship. He said he wanted to see me a couple times a week but told him I couldn’t because of school/ work. A few weeks later, he said he had to let me go. I could tell he was sad, his voice. Because my parents threatened to pretty much kill me if I went out with him, I couldn’t. That pretty much messed me up pretty bad. I wanted to kill myself several times. It didn’t make sense for me to just sleep with him and have him promise we’d go on dates and nothing happened. For several months, I felt differently about him, I would hate and then I would love. I tried to forget, but couldn’t. About 10 months later, he contacted me. He said something along the lines he wanted to get back with me. I said yes, but at this point I felt only hatred towards him because I had heard about him sleeping around with other girls. I felt like I wasn’t worth anything for a while. I find myself depressed often. I’ve tried talking to my friends, but most have said he’s a player and that he’s not serious. How do I know this if he hasn’t even been given the chance? Well, I did get into a fight with him in our last ‘conversation’ and called him a lot of names. I was pretty messed up and bitter, crying the whole time so I don’t know. I feel like not wanting to get into another relationship, at least, not until I can work this out. I don’t know if I should be his friend, I don’t know how I should act. I have other things to worry about like obviously paying the bills and my grades in school, but I find I do think about this, and it bothers me. I wish honestly I could talk to him again, I think I still have some feelings left for him because I haven’t gone out with anyone since except for one guy. Thanks for any real advice.
look here...my brother was in the same situation except he was the guy. The girl he was trying to date had crazy parents and they said "You can't date my daughter because your 2 inches shorter." If your parents keep saying you can't date this one or that one. There is no perfect guy. I think your parents want you to date a chinese guy, that's just a guess though. If that is not the reason, I suggest you tell your parents that they can't control your life. I mean in certain situations they have the right to step in, but if this guy you wanna date is a genuine guy...these only come every so often if at all. If you heard rumors about him kickin it with other girls...go straight to the source and find out. You never know though, in this situation your parents might be right. If its a love/hate thing, you don't need it. It's time to say NEXT!
Yeah. he's been with quite a few girls, I know he slept with a bunch of girls and that changes. I think they were right and wrong. He is a player, but since he was someone who has changed me in a way , I'm not as happy as before I met him, idk, he sounds like he can't date anyone or no one wants to date him, so he is asking me now. He could have asked sooner, it sounds like he knows I'm long term material and he just realized htat. I can't bring myself to look guys the same way anymore too. - More than a year ago
Answerer
Just get rid of him. Player's never change. he'll only be happy as long as he's getting some. Just let him go. - More than a year ago
Question Asker
I think I thought that inside and didn't verbalize it. I'm glad a guy agrees with me. You don't know how much you've made me feel better. I stopped talking to him. I've done those things. This is one of those situations where it's better to be alone. - More than a year ago
Answerer
Its not bad to be alone, but you don't wanna rush not being alone. You gotta find someone that makes you happy. - More than a year ago
Question Asker
Yeah, I've been single for quite a long time. Thanks for your considerate answers :-) - More than a year ago
You need to find a new guy. If this guy was willing to let you go so easy his is NOT worth it. Move on, I GUARANTY there will be better guys out there for you with better reputations that treat you right.
ok you jus want closure on this whole issue right?simple.go date him and see how things work.try to keep if from ur parents so they dun blow this matter out of proportion but if he wants the relationship to go up another nouch then you have to let them know before they find out
That isn't a good way to get closure - More than a year ago
Answerer
It beats having you cry or think abt this whole matter like its nvr gonna end you know?u'll nvr know anything if you dun try..although he doesn't sound like the guy that'll give you happiness..cuz of all the pain he's causing u - More than a year ago
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When: More than a year ago
Regardless of what your parents think, it seems like this guy is causing you a ton of pain. He sounds like he can't commit and it's hurting you badly. Why are you so infatuated with this guy?
I agree. Personal reasns, obviously parents don't care about my well being. I thought immaturely, niavely he cared. - More than a year ago
Answerer
That's the danger with situations like this, is while you were so preoccupied with him, I'm willing to be some real, nice, and caring guys passed by you. - More than a year ago
You have it all backwards. You don't hook up to be in a relationship, the hook up should be the RESULTS of a relationship.
You have some serious underlying problems to take care of before even thinking about being in any relationship. Sleeping with someone to "force" a relationship, displacing your anger onto him for something he had no control over, thoughts of suicide, then the obvious mood swings you are having are indicators that you have a problem. It would be beneficial to seek professional help. You have no control over your emotions and are looking at a life of turmoil if you don't seek counseling. You need to learn the skills that will help you put things into perspective (not having a guy isn't the end of the world), manage your anger, and hopefully show you how to cope with normal occurrences in life without blowing it out of proportion. I promise you I'm not trying to hurt your feelings or to minimize the impact this guy has on your life. But you are behaving abnormally. It might stem from the fact that you doubt the true intentions of your "boyfriend", but I think it mostly has something to do with a chemical imbalance or serious mental issues that need to be addressed. Do yourself a favor and seek help. Once you get it, you will be amazed about how pain free life can be. Good luck.
I don't have a mental disorder, that's a very harsh label. However, I agree that I'm emotional. I beleive I trust someone before I got to know him. I already indicated in my mini story I'm getting help, that is counselling, but I don't agree with the mental disability label. - More than a year ago
Answerer
Being emotional is crying about this guy and moping for a couple of days. Threatening suicide and being angry at the guy when he had no control over your situation is over the top. I'm not trying to label you, just urging you to get help. Take this as you want, after all it is YOUR life. Good luck. - More than a year ago
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When: More than a year ago
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