I need closure! I'm going crazy... please help.

Okay, this answer keeps getting shorter, because every time I try to input it, by he time I'm done GAG logs me out.

Short answer:

Get help with anxiety - yoga, tai chi, that sort of thing.

Respond to your own thoughts that upset you. Under react to them.

Think about why you cheated, and imagine smacking him in the head with a large dildo.

Every time you think about going back to him or being his booty call, imagine a big outrageous looking dildo flopping around in your hand, then coming down across his face while he has his biggest sh*t eating grin on.

That'll be $50.

it appears like he loves you, perhaps in his own imperfect way, or perhaps no hard enough, but he does has feelings for you, at worst you can say he MAY love you and be doubtfull, but, sorry to say it, but it seems you don't love him, love requires trust, it wouldn't have hurt him when you cheated if he hadn't had, even if only a little, put his trust in you, you can't betray a trut that was never there, but like you said, YOU never trusted him, so IF that's true, then you never loved him, and don't love him now, yo kiss someone when you feel she is ready, you take her hand when you think she is ready, perhaps he never said "I love you" because it would have been like sexually-touching you WAY too early

Surround yourself with people you can talk to and start emotionally detaching yourself away from this guy.

He only wants sex and nothing more

:( he's a buttface. He used you. But you have to trust yourself with this: if you really think he cares about you, you should tell him how you feel, because he might be feeling the same way. You might both be not sure how to approach each other. If you really aren't sure, ease your way back into his life. Pretend you're becoming friends with him all over again.