How do you feel about a guy who simply won't make the first move, even after a few dates?
I've heard answers from plenty of my dates (lucky for them I make the moves as soon as possible) but I'd love to hear what the well spoken women in here have to say on the matter.
My hope is to convince some "shy" guys to stop waiting for "just the right sign" and get on with it already.
If I'm on a date with a guy and he's let a few obvious moments pass by and I feel like making a move I will. This usually only happens if I'm really into a guy though- otherwise I'll wait for him to make the move because as much as I'm totally supportive of girls who make the first move- I like to be chased a little bit, it shows the guy likes you enough to make some effort and put himself out there.
I like that you will go for what you want, and I can completely relate to your desire to be chased a little. As a guy I prefer flirting and being playful, and for me that requires her to be open to my pursuit. - 25 days ago
I chose the I'll stop calling him hehe.. though I won't be frustrated, he need to step up and be a man and knows how to make me interested or he may lose me lol.. With me it's ONE chance only!
my favorite thing to do is be like in a fusterated voice like you are talk to a red light "gosh I have been waiting for ever...!" pause and ther be silence for a monement and let him ponder and then finish and be like in a silly way "... just kiss me already" and get my mouth in a pucker and let him kiss you =]
I would feel like that guy respects me and maybe wants to get to know me better or make me feel comfortable. There's nothing wrong with taking things slow. There's a difference between being shy, and flat out being uninterested in a girl. If he's taking me out on dates...I assume he's interested. He will make a move when the time is right, I believe.
Oh yeah, I was tired of waiting so I jumped and made the move... Now we're married and have been for more than 6 years. I like to be persued but I'm not willing to let something good fly by, especially when I want it REAL bad.
I feel like the guy got turned off by me or doesn't really like me if he doesn't make the first move so we just end up being friends or drifting apart.
ive been wit a guy some while now, and ya weve kissed, lots!lol but the ting is I've stayed over at his a few times, weve done stuff but not it.. he lives wit my friends so were in a circle of friends.. but he hasn't made a move for the full on stuff.. everyone keeps takin the mick that we haven't yet, I'm ready to but I don't know why it hasn't happened yet.. what is with him?
This one guy would make glances at me, but never said anything to me, never even got 3 feet near me, the only time we touched was when I jokingly was gonna pull him down by his leg while I was sitting, his friend said more to me than he did. I finally talked to his girlfriend my friend and she had him talk to my date (had to a couple times because it didn't sink in lol) finally when we got alone he was fine.
I take things really slow with guys I like. So while when I was ready I got impatient for our first kiss and I went for it the same time he did, I appreciated he waited 2 1/2 months for a Kiss! We've been together 3 years now!
i wait till the nights close to over, if he still hasn't made the first move I just go for it, if I don't then I would just regret it... and it would drive me crazy.
I have had this happen on a few occasions. I admit that the two guys I experienced this with exasperated me beyond words. However, I never put pressure on them nor did I say anything. I didn't want to "assume" that he was comfortable making a move. Therefore, in both situations, when I got a vibe that he was comfortable then I made the move. It seemed to take a lot of pressure off him! I guess some guys like it when a lady makes the first move (depending on what). It always seems like after I initiate something then he becomes comfortable and assumes "control" of the next move(s).
"I guess some guys like it when a lady makes the first move (depending on what)." I you make the first move the guy is sure you'll not complain he did it. Guys aren't likely to complain about you making a first move. - 26 days ago
Question Asker
It's been my experience that women prefer the guy makes the first move, but I think I'm discovering that there are many women who are willing to initiate... I'm now curious how well the relationship works after the girl has been forced to initiate... Thx for the feedback. - 25 days ago
Answerer
I actually had a guy who told me that he wasn't comfortable when I initiated a move. Certainly, we doesn't represent all guys however it did happen!!!!!!!!! - 25 days ago
"he wasn't comfortable " isn't really the same as girl calling a guy a "perv", a sex addict" or other tipical expletives that SOME girls spread around about a guy if that first kiss comes a day too early... - 25 days ago
Question Asker
I've come to believe that there are no women who spread rumors about guys (calling them "pervs") simply because he tried kissing her too soon.
Women who spread such rumors do so because of men who went well beyond the "first date kiss attempt." - 25 days ago
Answerer
Thank you for the rebuttal and excellent point. For the most part, women will NOT deem a man a "perv" because he wanted a kiss and she wasn't ready for it. She will deem him a "perv" if he cannot keep his hands to himself and expects some deep physical contact prematurely while dating. - 24 days ago
do you mean just kissing? seriously if a guy didn't kiss me on 1st date I would be p*ssed off as hell! like what the hell! I would assume he didn't like me and that id gotten the wrong impression. these shy guys need to get a grip because there's plenty of other guys out there who will kiss her! if I really liked him I *might* go out with him again (but only if I was like in love with him or just incredibly bored-i can assure you that if he didn't kiss me after the 2nd date I would think he was a total weirdo tbh). I don't think rushing into sex is great but like its just a kiss.
in general if a guy who may like me doesn't come over and chat me up, I'm not impressed at all.
"just a kiss" to a lot of guys may be moving way too fast for the first date. I mean, you hardly even know her at all. what's wrong with not kissing someone you don't know? - 26 days ago
There's few occasions where I really am glad that thoughts like these aren't all too common - hopefully.... What's wrong with no kisses on the first date? Of course there might be obvious signs that a kiss is allowed, but sometimes there just isn't a good sign... and let's be honest, guys generally suck at "knowing" these times... If one date really is enough for you to get p*ssed at that guy, sorry, but I'm glad I'm not dating you :P - 26 days ago
Dang I would never have thought a girl would want a kiss on the first date so badly... i mean if I get the vib from the girl then yeah I'll kiss her but if she is uncomfortable then I'll feel bad stealing a kiss.... - 26 days ago
Answerer
Oh come on guys, a kiss at the end of the date!even if it was just a peck. how is that too fast?its not sex and why would you go on a date otherwise?when do you guys wait to kiss a girl btw?im curious - 26 days ago
Confusedgirl22 "do you mean just kissing? seriously if a guy didn't kiss me on 1st date I would be p*ssed off as hell! like what the hell! " You maybe, others too, but others would find it gross: http://www.girlsaskguys.com/search/kiss+first+date - 26 days ago
Nothing wrong with just a peck I suppose its just that physical contact like that takes a degree of getting comfortable with someone and that doesn't happen after one date. if went in to kiss me on the first date I would think she was either easy, desperate, or clingy. - 26 days ago
If you honestly think guys go on a date with the intent of getting a kiss as evidenced by "why would you go on a date otherwise?" then you seriously need a reality check. you go on a first date to get to know them better, and that doesn't necessarily include kissing. as far as when you kiss a girl, for me it normally was a couple weeks to a month after we started dating. - 26 days ago
Confusedgirl22. You expect everything to come to you? you sound stuck up. sorry - 25 days ago
Question Asker
I totally agree with you. - 25 days ago
Question Asker
Let me clarify - I totally agree with confusedgirl on this one, except without the exasperation.
To me dating is about testing the waters, sexual curiosity, and the pursuit of intimacy. Perhaps some people prefer a slowed down approach (5 date first kiss rule) but I think these people are the exception.
Moral of the story?
Don't wait 3 dates to do something you wish to do on 1 date. - 25 days ago
You really should put a "guys who just want to see the results" option.
Personally I feel that it is wrong to say that to make the first movie is the responsibility of either person based solely on their gender. I am not above doing it myself and I have done it more often than not. But I feel that its a risk vs. reward thing. Any woman who is not willing to take the risk of being the one to make the first movie (and yes, it is a risk) does not deserve the reward of being in a fulfilling relationship. You need to be willing to work for what you want and take risks to get it, and anyone who thinks they shouldn't have to I have no respect for as a human being.
I can see your point, but I think her "risk" shouldn't be "making the first move."
Just being alone with a strange guy is an amazing risk that most men don't realize. Spend time in a woman's 110lb body and see how quickly you feel insecure about the looks and attention big men give you.
Alas I still appreciate your thoughts. - 25 days ago
To be honest, I think that if she's laughing and smiling AND on a date with you, that's all the sign you need.
Women don't scream rape when you attempt a first kiss when you're already on a date together... so take a chance when ever you're feeling good about her. - 25 days ago
My hope is to convince some "shy" guys to stop waiting for "just the right sign" and get on with it already." You're right and very interesting question, BUT
-Guys don't know what's too slow, right or too fast, thus a number of them justly rely on the girl to set the pace. (call them "shy guys", "good guys", whatever) -Lot's of girls pardon a guy if he moves a bit too fast, other girls make a scandal or a show : telling all acquaintances "The dirty perv tried to kiss me on our first date!" always gets them a lot of attention and they're pitied by the righteous... -The problem is that guys who do that easily get a reputation of perverts, rapists, sex addicts and the like... -Lots of times guys move too fast indeed: link
PS A looong time after it happened my wife told me she had expected me to make a pass at her the first time I asked her out to a theatre. I had indeed considered doing it but refrained because I didn't want to scare her. I refrained often with other girls. I'm 100% sure I missed other 'openings' with other girls in the same way. Bad luck (?)
If girls were less shy about expressing their desires... they'd be libeled 'slutty' by other girls.
I think we men need to really take a moment and truly consider something ... has there ever REALLY been a time when a girl screamed "The dirty perv tried to kiss me on our first date!" ?
I can't believe there's ever been a time when a guy has been on a date and has gone in for a kiss at the end of the night, and she considered it rape. Rape is Rape and I believe that there are no men here that truly don't know if what they're doing is really wrong. - 25 days ago
Answerer
I don't doubt that as well the girls as the men know exactly what the extend of their acts is at the moment, but that seems not always the same as what some girls tell the next day.Just read some hypocritical approvals (by guys & girls) on the forums on this site to be afraid of attention whores. I know those stories weren't told about me but that's because I avoided even to stay alone with any girl I heard making that kind of fuss about a guy(and that wasn't in the fifties! ) - 25 days ago
Answerer
Some people just like crying "perv!" You might want to read this: http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,194032,00.html Those things happen. (not every day, granted, but often) I've known co-workers fired on rumours. I once was accused on an internet forum I was moderating. Materially it was of course impossible for anything to happen, given the distance, 500mi) The back up tapes of the forum proved the accusation was pure humbug. - 25 days ago
Answerer
Read this too: it's a nice example: http://www.girlsaskguys.com/Sexuality-Questions/131483-does-this-man-seem-like-a-perv-to-you-does-he.html - 25 days ago
Question Asker
Great examples Jacquesvol, thanks for the insight. I'm doing some learning now... - 25 days ago
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