Nice Guys Finish Last , The Friend Zone (Why do I always find myself in it ?)

Well, personally I always make sure I am a friend first, then a boyfriend. In fact, I was actually stuck in the best friend zone with my current girlfriend for over a year! It was killing me! Eventually I did what ibej818 said to do... I went for that kiss.

It got me out of that zone, and I gotta say, I am very glad I now have a best friend and a girlfriend in the same person, its an amazing experience. So don't give up! The friend zone is tough, but not permanent.

If you don't know the game well enough, it's time to read up on the subject. If it isn't coming naturally, there are plenty of books and sources with good tips. As a woman, your first big mistake is starting off by just being friends 'to see if it could work'. How can you tell if it's going to work if you are friends with someone? People act totally different in relationships than they do in friendships, so that isn't going to tell you anything. If you establish yourself as just a friend from the beginning, that's how girls will continue to see you. Establish yourself while asserting that you have an interest. Instead of just being friendly, throw a compliment in there or say or do something suggestive of an attraction. You also aren't going to tell if they are for you just because of their eyes. My best advice is to again, read up on this, contrary to popular belief women are fairly simple if you know what you are doing and what they like. First and foremost, assert yourself and be confident. That is far more attractive to women than anything else. If you automatically just settle on friendship initially, they aren't going to see you as a potential date. Don't be afraid to believe in yourself. If you are attracted, you can take them on a date first and from there determine if it's going to work. That's the whole point of dating, it doesn't mean you are obligated to be in a relationship with them forever. If it isn't your type of connection, then you can assert yourself as a friend and continue to go on dates with people and find a match that's right for you.

Girls usually put guys in one of three categories upon meeting them: the friend, the potential bf, or the jerk. You want to start off in the potential boyfriend category because if you are in fact a nice guy and it happens not to work (assuming you didn't pull any shady moves) then you can always develop a friendship after the fact. Then instead of the friend I never saw that way, you are the guy I dated once, but it just didn't work out.

Seriously? Be honest. Be yourself. Not much point in a girl falling for you if she's falling in love with someone who doesn't exist. And don't give up, eventually you will find someone who will like you for you. I know everyone says it but its really true.

I guess if you're her friend you get the bonus sof hearing what she wants in a bf.

I don't want to go beyond friend with any of my guy friends because I want them to be a companion but also because I know I won't have time for one or that right now isn't the right time-I'm focused on school

I guess, when you're really close, you can't but help but be attracted-if you two hang out a lot and eventually she relies on you a lot emotionally, she might be more drawn to you as more than a friend

um really I don't know couse most of my relation ships started as boyfriend girlfriend not friends I would never date a friend I did once and I was the worst I lost the man I loved and my best friend

Ask her out on a date like someone said. A date, not a hang out. You won't know if you will work until you try. That is why people date. They don't just go from hi to married. It really isn't a game. You You are trying to play it, and to play it safe. If you like a girl, you don't have to tell her, you show her, she will let you know if she feels the same. Be prepared to be rejected a time or two. That is the risk, and the one you aren't taking up front, you are saving that for after you are so much more emotionally invested.

Thats because your already her friend to begin with... To me, people that I am already friends with, I just can't see myself dating but that's just me,not neccisarily all girls. Girls generally like it if you are in control, try to be in control and flirt a little bit before you just come out and say you like her because honestly, she probably already knows. You need to do something that will make her like you, and normally its an attitude its nothign you can say or do... so figure out the attitude type she likes and still be yourself, but act more in control
good luck

couse you continuously chase girls who have no interest in you or do not find you attractive

try making new friends or meeting new girls

and try being more assertive about your intentions with them

if they don't want to that kick them to the curb and move on

i mean who the hell wants to be friends with a girl anyways?

I was in the same situation but I turned it all around. I suggest you play "hard to get" with her by just flirting with her like calling her amazing cutie or beautiful and making her laugh while not having that munch contact with her so that she will miss you.Trust me IT WORKS!

well first you don't want to be a girls friend, you'll be stuck there. Let her know that you are a sexual being and that you are hitting on her right of the bat. Flirt with her touch her bring up sex but in an informal way. Ask her out, just make sure that you make it clear that you are not trying to be her friend bust her balls tease her even make fun of her, not too harsh, but whatever you do, you don't want to be her sister. Fuck that! don't tell her you care about her and all that p**** sh*t! let her tell you first, act like you don't give a sh*t, DO NOT PUT HER ON A PEDASTIL EVER, don't make her seem like she has a higher value than you otherwise she will walk all over you. You are the king so act like it! Your trying to be her boyfriend not her girlfriend. I she says stop acting like my boyfriend tell her WOW! your going kind of fast aren't you? I didn't even tell you I was interested in you yet! Stop making assumptions! you see got to be slick about it subtle smooth... She is just teasing you, tease her back...

>The Friend Zone (Why do I always find myself in it ?)

>I always start of by becoming a friends with the girls

I don't mean to sound like an asshole, but... I think you answered your own question.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying "be a douchebag." (Though that might work really well if you're still in high school and the girls around you are really immature.) I'm saying that if you're interested in someone, hiding it and pretending to be platonic friends is deceptive and often counterproductive.

Friends can end up dating and exes can end up as friends. That's not the problem. I think the problem is - like you said - starting a relationship with a lie. You'll often either end up with someone who's a perpetual liar or dumped by someone who doesn't trust you!

To hell with all that crap about "game." That's something emotionally retarded people made up to feel better about never growing out of high school. Try starting off honestly for once! Show someone you're attracted to her, try not to be too pushy or too scared, and see how it goes...

"I don't want to ruin our friendship"...

Word to the wise. In order to get what you want, you have to be willing to let it go.

Be honest, actually talk about how you feel.

HOLY FUCK DUDE, I HAVE THE SAME EXACT PROBLEM... I am in love with the girl who considers me "her best friend"... oh yes it suck so so so so so so so so much. I have no advise I was just shocked when I read this because it is almost the same exact thing I asked a few months ago.

Yea it is good to start off as friendssp yall can get to know each other a little bit. I wouldn't want to take them out though because that's where ur friend zone just builds. Try to keep it like talking over the phone, IM, and stuff like that. But if they ask you out, go for it, that's a plus because there intrested in u. and there's got to be something ur doing wrong that a lot of girls have in common of the things they want in a guy. try to discretley find out what that is and work on it. I chased my ex for about 10 months until she started to get feelings for me. For a long time she didn't want to date me because she said I didn't seem to cuddily enough. Then I started to be more friendly like giving her hugs, trying to be there for her when she was upset, and making her laugh. I was stuck in the friend zone like you were. we had a good relationship of 2 years until it ended because of me. but a lot a girls like to be chased around so follow them for a little bit. Follow a few girls around so ur odds will be better

You need to make a complete turn around. You're going about it all wrong. You’re creating rapport when you want to create attraction. Rapport is what you have with a friend. Attraction... well I assume that is fairly obvious.

Right from the gecko you need to show her you're interest. Don't TELL her, SHOW her. Tease her with playful banter (make sure you only tease her about things she is confident with). Role-play with her always assuming she is making sexual innuendos. This helps associate you in a sexual way.

DO NOT shower her with compliments. You don’t want to put her in a spot where she begins to expect it. They should be spontaneous. If you feel the need to give her a compliment say something like "you look gorgeous in that outfit, you'll make all the other girls jealous". Notice what I did there at the end? It plays several roles. (1) It shows a high self worth (2) it opens the door to flirting. (3) It plays down the compliment making it easier to accept.

LEAD don’t follow. Don’t ask her something like “what do you feel like eating tonight?” say something like “There is this new Chinese restaurant downtown that I’ve been wanting to try, you up for it?” Allot of girls like a guy who is not afraid to take charge. They want to know you can handle yourself if the need arises.

DO NOT agree with her. If she asks you to pick her up at 6, say “no, I’ll pick you up at 6:30 and wear those pants that make your butt look good”. This sounds ridiculous but girls don’t like a guy who waits on them hand and foot.

AVOID telling any depressing moments of your past for the first 10 dates. Girls don’t want to hear about your insecurities, your failed relationships, or how your mother was an alcoholic. It creates a somber mood which is horrible for attracting women.

BE A PUZZLE. Make her earn any progress with you. Don’t automatically give her a spot in your life. Women are analysis’s when it comes to relationships. If they can’t figure you out it will drive them nuts. They will feel a need to find out more, thus creating ATTRACTION which is where your problem lays. Example… when you make contact like putting you hand on their lower back to guide them, place a finger inside their waste line. It will kick their minds into overdrive. What is he doing? Is he going to make an advancement? Did he do that on purpose? ext...

I’m going to stop myself here… I could go on for hours but unfortunately I’ve got a character limit and also things I need to do today.

MY opinions, not yours.
Cheers.

As a general rule, guys who end up in the friend zone have placed themselves there. How? By acting like a friend, rather than like a boyfriend.

My advice is that next time, you ask the girl for a DATE as soon as you know you're interested. I mean within a few hours or days of meeting her. By DATE I mean a pre-scheduled activity where you a) pick her up at her place, b) escort her to an event or activity -- "hanging out" is specifically excluded. When you get a DATE, you must make a move to get physical by the second date. I don't necessarily mean sex -- I mean hugging her, holding her hand, a kiss. Getting physical is essential, because it's how boyfriends behave towards girlfriends, and your goal is to behave like a boyfriend, not a friend.

Disadvantage to this method: many women will not want to date you, so it can feel painful and awkward until you grow a thicker skin. Advantages: This method is honest and direct about your intentions; women like boldness. Also, you will learn _extremely_ quickly about her intentions, saving yourself weeks or months of trouble. If she is interested in you as a potential boyfriend, she will make time for a DATE. If she makes excuses, asks to hang out in groups, hides behind endless emails and text messaging, or otherwise avoids a DATE, she is not interested in you as a boyfriend. You scratch her name from your list and move on with life.

Another good rule-of-thumb is to look for girls who are already interested in you, rather than fixating on a girl who's not attracted to you in the same way you are to her. (I was an expert at this method -- because it meant I'd never have to take a risk.)

Good luck!

It's a thin line between friendship zone and relationship zone, and brother, You MUST TREAD SOFTLY when you want to be with the object of your affection. Take it from the FALLEN KING OF THE FRIENDSHIP ZONE... I understand what you are going through and here is the quick crash course that will lead you in the right direction...(tactfulness and balance)

1) Have confidence in who you are...Chicks love confidence, not cockiness. If you don't have this first, nothing will help you and you will remain in that friend zone, FOREVER!

2) Be a guy friend, not a girl friend... We nice guys have a tendency to be very, how do I say this, sensitive, gentle, caring, supportive, readily available, warm (sounds like any guy you know).. They look at us like one of their girlfriends. Remember, You Are A Man and she must always see you as a Man that's her Friend and not as a boy-girlfriend

and lastly...)

3) BE A MAN!- And as a MAN, you are REQUIRED to Act like a man, step up to these girls, flirt with them, tease them (don't belittle). Compliment, but don't over compliment, have some swag in your step(some cool in your walk), touch her person in areas where she won't mind of course,make decisions, and the big one,SMILE.

Everything must be done with tactfulness and balance. Keep me posted on your progess!

Nothing wrong with being a nice guy, but you have to do it right.. and carefully. I tried the friends first thing for the longest time too - makes sense right? You're going to want a strong friendship in a relationship anyway. But that just didn't work. As the others have said, by the time you try to upgrade you're pretty much stuck.

You could change your behavior so you're not a friend but an attractor, but there's still the huge time committment, the whole of which you probably had ulterior motives. Or at least hopes. So now (just in the past year or so) I've been determined to make it clear I want to date the girl right off the bat. It's certainly worked a lot better than the old way. And the ones that haven't worked out become my friends anyway, to an extent at least.

So next time you meet a girl you're attracted to, ask her out sooner. It can be as soon as the first meeting, or maybe a few weeks down the line, depending on how much you see her and interact with her. You want to build up a rapport of an attractive personality, but ask her out before you two are just "hanging out" regularly. Then setup a date with her (actually use the word 'date') and build the friendship alongside the romantic relationship. Good luck dude.

...I have no idea but once you figure this one out look me up and tell me because I'm dying to know. All I know is try to be as obverses as possible without jumping the gun. How to do that total mystery to me. Don't feel bad later today I was with the girl I like who is a good friend that I'm trying to be more then friends. It sucks I know just try to do little things to get her attention and once all your options have run out and your on your last leg. Spill your guts it's the only thing left to do after dropping hints, body language and flirting.

Tough to decipher whether a girl would be attracted to you or not if you first met, unless it is obvious like eye contact with smiling, laughing at all jokes, teasing with physical contact, easy stuff to point out. If the girl is somewhat attracted to me and I tease them, be really funny, and sometimes bag on her as a joke.

What I do is I be a mystery to them, be an arrogant funny guy who teases them and makes them laugh. I don't return texts/calls in time, say you have plans when you don't, stuff that makes her wonder about you. Usually that ends up in some kind of attraction, at least leaving her wondering, trying to solve you out, meaning dates and stuff.

From then you can figure if you like her for a girlfriend or just want to be friends / hook up with her, w.e. From then you can alter your attitude, if you want a girlfriend, be more sincere and caring, giving her hints that she is always on your mind, i.e. calling her up randomly and telling her she was on your mind and go with a short conversation, I found those always work. The little things, but don't be clingy, give her space, allow her to hang out with friends without being jealous.

On the other hand if you want her to hook, just work on sexual attraction and mystery. Kind of hard to explain how to sexual attract her because it is usually through body language and smooth talking during those little intimate moments you share on a date. I might be talking about stuff that may appear strange, abstract, childish, and stupid, but they work to certain extents, take it or leave it. Hope this helped.

Don't give up on being a nice guy! Nothing worse than selling yourself out. You never see these "asshole" guys succeed in a fruitful relationship anyways it always builds up fast and crashes and burns! Then they repeat. Keep being the nice guy but don't over do it. Its always about balance. Having that middle ground is key, finding it is a little harder. Tease them, flirt with them, get a little physical contact with them. Basically keep them on their toes and one other thing I think this is the fatal mistake of being "nice." We care too much, that's why you see these guys getting all these girls is because they don't care and don't take things seriously. They go on their daily business until something happens. You need to do that show that you like her and go on your daily business. Keep being independent.

When you try and go from friend to bf, right off the bat you ruining your chances with that girl, and then you go and tell her you like her, and you wonder why she says lets be friends. Basically what your doing is setting the hook to early and you miss the fish and it swims away. When it comes to dating women, you have a very small window of opportunity from friend to bf, and most of the time you get one shot at it, and if you miss, she gets spooked and runs away.

So the key here is to increase your odds, because right from the git go you have a 50/50 shot of getting her, becoming her friend reduces your chances to pretty close to zero. Your shooting yourself in the foot when you do that. The best way to increase your chances with a girl is to not talk to her that much kind of ignore her, tease her, in other words the opposite of what your doing. If you make them think in their minds, hmm I wonder what he's doing, or I wonder what that guy is all about, I know him but I don't know him, and it drives me crazy not knowing, right there is the key not knowing, once again it will increase you chances.

You give a little and them pull back, and wait and then give some more, pull back and wait, you will drive them crazy if you do this, and soon you won't have to call them, they call you. What I mean by this is call her one day or text and not the next, wait for alittle while to respond, and then don't, eventually they chase you and you don't have to chase them.

The next step is either a landed fish or a line snap, depending on how you do this. What ever you do always kiss her on the first date it will land you another one. If you don't kiss her, consider it a line snap and no second date. The more intimate you are with a woman as in kissing, cuddling, sex, the more she will become emotionally attached to you, once you do that, the hook is set she's not going anywhere, and this is how players mess with girls, they know how to mess with her emotions, but I won't go into detail on how to do that, so that's basically it, once they're emotionaly attached to you, they will say they like you or where is this going, and there you go it's either play them or become their bf.

Welcome to the world of dating, if your good at it you'll be very happy or if you suck at it you'll be very frustrated with women, once you learn how to get girls you can pretty much get any girl you want.

i agree the friend zone sucks! and I have been there multiple times. and I know how you feel. I like to do that as well build a friendship and then ask them out. but by then they don't want to date you because they see you as a big brother not as a lover. and so they date these assholes who treat them badly and don't really care about them.. or someone you know they arnt truly happy with. you just need to date around. talk with friends get them to set up blind dates. and just have fun with it. and if your friend finally decides she's tired of the boys and wants a man be ready for her. be there to sweep her off her feet. because the best relationships come from friendships and my friends have come to the conclusion guys and girls can't be best friends without feelings being formed. so be her best friend and see where it takes you.

Your first mistake is that you "TELL" them how you feel.

You're just giving them a moment to think... then the default easiest answer comes out "can we just be friends?"

Don't tell them you like them, because they most likely already KNOW!

You need to get closer, physically closer, then if the vibe is right go in for the kiss.

Don't tell her! Show her!

Sorry mi friend but nice guy are boring. The problem is if the girl you talk to is a minimum cute your the 100 nice guy she see you note different from the last guy or the next one . You need to build attraction the moment you see a girl and be interesting . Statistically human brain take 3 seconds to determine if your a potential mate . Try to be different of other guy girl don't like bad boy they like different fun guy and bad boy are closer to that then nice guy .