I've been hanging out with this guy for about 9 months. We're basically dating - we text and talk on the phone just about every day, we have sex when we see each other, he holds my hand and we go out to eat, movies, etc. But he's been really hurt by an ex-fiance (cheating, etc) and flat-out told me 6 months ago that he's super scared to get into a serious relationship. So scared that he's never going to do it again. But he says that his friends all give him a hard time that I'm his Girlfriend which he adamantly denies. His friends are a bunch of guys who are hell-bent on never getting married. But he acts like my Boyfriend whenever I see him - even in front of them. Not like we're making out in front of them, but he's super attentive. One time my hands were cold, so he bought me fuzzy gloves that he held up to my face and said he wanted to buy because they matched my eyes. I mean COME ON! He's so dang adorable that I can't stand it and I'm head over heals for him. The last time I saw him (we live a couple of hours apart) I asked him if he misses me when he's home and he said of course he does.
Long story short, he acts like he likes me, but talks like he's not serious. Although we went camping with friends a couple of weeks ago and he started with his "I'm never getting married" song and dance which made one of his anti-marriage friends say that he is willing to make a bet that my "BF" will be married within two years. So, I know his friends see it too.
What do you think? Is he just afraid to come out and say that we're dating or that he's serious? I don't want to make too big of a deal out of it because I don't want to freak him out and possibly make him back way the hell off. Because I'M IN LOVE, I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT! Well, I'm actually scared shitless to have him find out only to have him say that he doesn't feel the same.
He likes you, he knows your in a relationship, he just doesn't say its official because of his annoying friends. Just sit his ass down and talk to him privately.
Sounds EXACTLY like the guy I'm seeing, except we haven't been seeing each other for as long as you two have. Is this a "guys over 30" thing? I'm beginning to think it is. Guys over 30, please enlighten us here.
Well, obviously, he is in a relationship with you and he should probably realize that. Because of what this fiance did to him, he's probably just really hesitant about your relationship. He probably does want to be in one, but not in one that he knows that the two of you will make a definite decision (like marriage) and him to get hurt again. He's probably just really confused about what to do and how to go about it without getting damaged. Personally, I think you should sit down and talk with him. Tell him how you feel about this, and that you do love him. Because you both have feelings and since this obviously really bothers you, I would just talk it out with him, about EVERYTHING. Everything he has doubts on, everything he fears, how you feel, how you could reassure him that what happened to him won't happen again. And depending on your views on marriage, you could even reassure him on how your not looking for such a drastic commitment right now but that you love him and just want to be around him and you want to know if he feels the same way about you. Though, I do think you should also be careful about this situation so you don't scare him. Because it seems that even though he says that he doesn't want to be in a relationship, I think that deep down he really does, he's just too scared to be able to deal with it. And just mention it casually, don't make a huge deal out of it. I hope that helped! Good Luck!
(Age:36 to 45)
When: 7 months ago
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