So I've done some searching and see that this situation happens a lot with people. A lot of the answers I have looked at seem to be a mixed bag of results, depending on the situation. So here is my predicament.
I've been really good friends with this guy for 6 years, and we recently started hooking up sexually around August of 2007. A couple months ago I was wondering if possibly things could be more then just hooking up. I eventually just gave up on that thought, and figured it was because we've been hanging out a lot. I was home for spring break at that time and he was too. We go to different colleges, but whenever I visit him we've hooked up. When I asked what we were doing a while back we never really called ourselves friends with benefits, and still haven't called ourselves that.
Now that it's summer we've been hanging out a lot lately, and he's actually taken the initiative to talk to me and ask me to hang out. I feel like we are both at a cross road, where we are both single, and our prospective girl/boy seem to sound like each other. He's also said somethings that have triggered me to wonder if we could ever possibly be more then just friends with benefits, technically speaking. He told me that "when I comfort him it makes him feel comforted in a way that he's been trying to get from all of his ex girlfriends, but only gets that feeling from me." He told me he doesn't know why he gets that feeling and maybe its because we've been friends for so long. The thing is, he also has been saying how he doesn't know what to do with his whole lack of relationship. He's been pondering about going back to his ex girlfriend, or maybe flirting with other girls. I know he's confiding in me because we're friends, but now I wonder if we would ever work out. At the same time, I'm open to the idea of him finding another girl. It's just that curiosity is starting to really get to me, and I want to express this to him but I don't know how. I feel this connection for him that is and I'm not sure what it is, we both admitted that we feel really comfortable around each other. I don't get butterflies or feel a spark, but I think it's because we've known each other for so long. I feel like if anything maybe later on in life if our roads cross again. maybe we could have a stable relationship. I just don't know what he's feeling, but I don't want to bring it up and sound stupid.
What do you think? Do you think he might be interested, or when he says he needs to find a lady friend, he's dropping hints or is confiding in me as a friend. We've been friends a long time, and I have liked him years in the past, but came to accept those feelings as never happening. Now things have changed, and I feel like there is a connection that I can't categorize. It bothers me I can't categorize it, and I don't know if its a good idea to express things. Sometimes things are just better left unsaid, is this one of them?
Update: I actually recently decided to write him a letter expressing my position straight up, not asking for anything really, but just to express myself. I haven't gotten a response yet.
4 months ago
Update: I talked to him a while back about it, and we resolved it. He was planning on emailing me back, but needed time to think. I eventually brought it up to him, and we discussed what we were doing. We feel the way we do because we are really good friends.
3 months ago
Your update is your answer from me. I was going to tell you to tell him (your idea is much better) how you actually feel. Sounds like you 2 are good for each other. There doesn't have to be any sparks or fireworks when you are together. There is a song by The Beatles .All you need is love. It rings true today. Love is all you really need. Ask yourself, "Do I love him?" If the answer is yes, regardless of why you love him (known him forever, hang out together all the time, etc,), the simple fact is.u love him. I hope he feels the same (it sounds very possible from your post). The letter should get some response. Just keep your chin up, regardless of the answer. There is nothing wrong with having fallen in love with your best friend. I married mine, and I couldn't be happier. Good luck to you both.
omg I'm in the exact same sistuation. exactly ! the only thing is the I lost my verginity to him and I know I love him as my bestfriend but I don't know if there's more to that because I don't get butterflies or sparks either. sometimes we just act like besties and them sometimes we get really into things. his been my first everything even my first real kiss 3 years ago and recently we started having sex. sometimes he acts weird and sometimes he doesn't and it bothers me but we're extremely comfortable with each other. we tell each other everything but we never seen to talk about why we're having sex and or things like that. we had done stuff in the past and he confessed to me that sometimes when we would do things we would feel weird because I was his best friend and then other times all he wanted was me and he thinks it was love. I think he did love me and was just scared because we've always been best friends. we stopped doing things for about two years and then I slept over his house the other day and we did everything that's when it started. now I'm wondering. do you think he feels the same way as he used to before? I'm confused because I don't get butterflies or anything but then all I talk about is him and if I'm not talking about him I'm with him or talking to him or someone brings him up. its always him. and we see each other everyday but we only have sex occasionally. we have a few things in common. and my advice for you is to keep it the way it is for now. try to tell him your kinda interested in someone and see if he gets jealous if so ask him why and ask him if there is more to this than what it seems. now what do you think I should do lol.?
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(Age:18 to 24)
When: 4 months ago
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