The confidence catch 22

So, I have battled with low self-confidence and here is what I have done. Each day when I start the internal dialogue, I have thoughts that I have certain things wrong with my looks, personality, whatever. Well, I counter act that by telling myself all the great things about myself and how no one is perfect. The next thing I do is I act and look confident. I practice each day looking people in the eyes when I talk to them. I work on improving myself in any areas which I think need improvement if I can. This really helps!

Another person does not make you whole or give you confidence. If you don't feel any of the advice here is helping, perhaps you need to seek professional help. That's not a slight against you, sometimes we need help.

One thing that is interesting is watching how pack animals act. There is always a dominant one who exudes confidence. People are the same way. There is always a leader in almost every two or more person situation. A lot of women want to have a confident man, because she thinks that if he is confident there must be something great about him. And you know what, there is. He knows who he is and he accepts it. The same thing goes for women, too.

not true. if you think you can't get it without girls, that's a big problem. I'm gonna tell you some celeb guys who exude confidence and sexiness. just pretend to act confident and soon you will be. if you can master the aura these guys put out you're all set, and the girls will go wild:

- Josh hutcherson (young teen actor but still).
- The guy who plays john tucker in john tucker must die.

...i can't think of other perfect examples off the top of my head right now, but if you want some more examples let me know and I'll be glad to tell you some more.

Fake it until you make it, hun! if you make yourself believe it, we will too.

you don't HAVE to be confident.
personally, I like shy guys better.
you're just after the wrong girls, I think.

Think about your self image. What keeps you from thinking you're not confident?

It's only been 4 hours. You sound like you've failed before you've even started.

Confidence isn't a going to work in every situation. A person who might be confident at public speaking may not be the same in bed.

"think of hitting a baseball. Think all the way back - remember when you stood at the plate, scared and unsure, wondering what was going to happen when you swung the bat? Before you learned to watch the ball, or anticipate the pitcher's release, when to start your swing, all the tiny little elements of connecting bat to ball?

Well, then you did it. And then you did it again. And again. And before long, you stopped thinking about the mechanics of it, and just let your muscles do their job. And you stood at the plate, ready for the pitch. Sure, you felt the butterflies in your stomach, but you weren't scared, you didn't feel like the possibility of hitting the ball was completely out of your hands, pure chance." - suapya

That is confidence, any you know what it takes to gain that? Practice, trial and error. A dancer can practice in his and her room all day but what's going to truly make that person confident is to just go out and try.

The guy below made a good argue ment: "Relying on girls to make you happy is bad news."
- You're still putting the p**** on the pedestal. Women are no different then you're buds, tone down the vulgar jokes and just talk to them like normal people.

I'm not really saying anything that you havn't heard a million times about confidence but here's a interesting thing about people: everyone is full of shit and lies.

The other side of confidence is total facade. It's bullshit, and the sooner you learn this, the better. People that I looked up to I soon realized that they are as insecure and full of crap just like I am. All those guys and girls who look like they know what they're doing don't. Everyone f***s up and continues to on a day to day basis.

We're all just a bunch of human people clumsily navigating ourselves throughout the world.

In the end, you can learn and research about confidence and take into our own personal judgement as to what it is, but you can learn and read about swinging a bat all your life... and never know what it's like until you go out and just start hitting.

- wow I rambled a lot.

Fake it.

Act confident even when you don't feel confident.

Feelings _always_ follow behavior. You don't always feel like going to work, do you? But you get up and start moving around and eventually you feel better. Your feelings followed your behavior.

If you act a bit more confident than you feel, there'll be a gradual improvement. in a few weeks or months, you won't have to fake it.

also, find things in yourself to be confident in. we all have strengths and weaknesses. the key is to emphasize your strengths, and minimize your weaknesses. for example, if you're not naturally hilarious, don't try forcing humor -- instead, emphasize your great memory.

don't try to "get girls": that frames the whole concept in the wrong way and sets you at a disadvantage.

there are ways of *seeming* confident even if you don't feel it deep inside; these include things like good grooming & dressing, adopting a friendly & open attitude, minding your body language (& verbal language), and trying to maintain a positive outlook.

these will help lend an air of confidence which may help generate self-confidence (if you like how you look & act, then that will be communicated to other people).

you can also develop self-confidence by recognizing your good features & achievements: mental, physical or emotional, and "playing to them" where appropriate.

good luck

Confidence doesn't come from girls, that's more to do with ego. Real confidence comes from within, knowing who you are, what you want and believing in yourself and your abilities. Once you are confident in yourself this comes across to everyone else that you meet and helps attract girls.