Me and my best friend have the same exact taste in guys, yet she always seems to get them. Initially, they're always aesthetically attracted to me (not to sound cocky at all), but she'll give up sex like nothing. and it's not that they only want her for the sex card, they end dating until she dumps them and they're all heartbroken. I'm stunned, from what I see when she's around her guy of the moment, in the beginning she throws herself at them, and then after she's gotten them, she ignores them and does her own thing and leaves them sitting there, I'm totally confused. I don't know which part of this makes them fall for her so hard? Yet with me, after they get the balls to come up and actually have a conversation with me, they typically don't really go out of their way to get me. I've always been told I'm crazy fun to be around. I'm starting to feel a little confused. Is there some 'unwritten code' I need to act like with guys? Like what my best friend does? Seriously, GUYS, tell me what's up
just act like you are comfortable with yourself. don't be afraid to act crazy when you see a guy you like. and just make sure they know you are interested.
Well, I look at it this way. None of they guys that you're friend got are good enough for you. You don't want to have sex with someone, and then start a relationship. So why start now. I really doubt that you have the exact same taste in guys, since all these guys ended up having sex with your friend, and then dating her. How can that be the type of guy that you truly want? Maybe you are looking in the wrong place. The guys who your friend dated may have been looking for a relationship/sex, while the guys you are looking for should want a relationship, and then sex once things get serious. Be yourself, if guys said that you are crazy fun to be around, then it's the truth. Suggest fun things, that you and guys would like to do, and hint that you need a partner to do it, like rock climbing, or something.
You have to give a guy a little hint that ur interested of he will just think that you aren't and you wanna be friends. just give him a little look that says 'hey I'm single wanna do something?'' and when you give him that look he automatically knows that your interested if he ain't and idiot.
I think for me the main thing is that after I have approached them I need to see some sort of sign from them that they are into me. It sounds like your friend does this, but I would take it nearly that far by just having sex with them. For me I like to know that she has an interest in me. If I don't get the vibe from her then I will move on, I might be passing up on somebody really great, like you. But I don't want to sit and play the mind games that is involved in dating. It is just not worth it in my opinion. You have to wear you feelings on you sleeves so to speak.
Yeah, I'm not interested in the one-night stand, like my friend is okay with. But they end up dating until she's ready for something new, then leaves them weeping. It's the weirdest thing.. as for my feelings on my sleeve, I'm totally not standoff-ish.. I always meet strangers with open arms, I don't throw myself at them, and my way of flirting is more with teasing them and laughing, not ''you-are-so-hot" - 7 months ago
Answerer
That is great, to me it sounds like your friends has had some things happen to her when she was little, because it doesn't sound like she is displaying normal behavior. - 7 months ago
Question Asker
Hmm you know what, I've contemplated the EXACT thing about something happening to her when she was too young to comprehend it.. I tried asking her once and she got really odd about it like I was attacking her :/ don't know man, but you calling it makes me think about it again - 7 months ago
well I'm not talking about myself but that's what people around me says that I'm a good looking attractive guy. Yet it seems sometimes that I'm in the same situation as you.
i think it's maybe because we're not good at giving signals or we have this thing in us that gets people nervous around us and make them do a lot of maths lol
anyways I think like you do it's confusing somehow .
but still I don't think there's something wrong in you or you have to change something about the way you act .
maybe you're just meeting the wrong kind of guys for you . : = ]
Haha, wow.. I know exactly what you mean.. people who I had to seriously advance a whole lot, after getting to know them well, they tell me that in the beginning I just made them nervous.. not to sure on the reason why, I feel no awkwardness with people, I greet everyone with open arms - 7 months ago
Honestly, it sounds to me like you don't know how to hook the guy in. I've been in situations where friends of mine have been reluctant to approach a girl because of how attractive she is, and finally when they get up the nerve to talk to her, despite how good the conversation is they can't seem to get up the nerve to ask her out. To me it's mildly funny and I tease them about not pulling the trigger later.
The reason is pretty simple, although I don't enjoy rejection, I don't fear it and I think that this doesn't prevent me from dating. This seems to set men who have no problem dating apart from those that do more than anything else. Dating is a skill and like anything else you need to work on it.
You may need to work on this, your friend obviously understands the dating scene better than you do. Here are a few things you can try to fix the situation from a guy's perspective. Take initiative, why does a guy have to approach you? I understand that if a guy who a girl thinks is attractive approaches her it's a turn on, flattering, etc. but why not try approaching the guy? Most guys won't approach you because they are intimidated, and you just sit there and wait. Also, here they are putting their balls on the line while you don't put your.ovaries I guess, on it? The whole tradition of it being a guy's job to initiate contact is dying out.
Aside from going out and looking for guys, you obviously need to work on your hinting. You're interesting, crazy fun to be around, and you're damn sexy.WHO WOULDN'T WANT TO ASK YOU OUT!? Most guys. Why? You haven't hinted that you like them at all. Probably 90% of all guys are afraid of rejection and won't ask you out unless they get positive feedback that you are attracted to them. Most guys NEED TO KNOW with almost absolute certainty that you will agree to go out with them before asking.that's the male ego for ya. All you've really accomplished is letting them know that you're willing to talk to them.
Your friend is using the most blatant approach possible to get the guy, luring them in with the opportunity of sex. This works because guys are that simple; if a girl hints that there's a chance of sleeping with them.WE'RE THERE!
There are though several different things you can do to show a guy that you like them without just putting it up for grabs. Touching is always good like running your hand up and down their forearm (not up on the shoulder that's more denotative of friendship), comment on how you like his hair and run your fingers through it, even the cheesy ass 'oh my what strong hands you have' shit still works. Touching yourself works too, playing with your hair or subtly rubbing your neck works. Your posture, keeping eye contact, smiling, laughing at his awful jokes, biting your lip, there are just too many things to name, the point is that you want to make him feel comfortable and hint in such a way that he KNOWS you are interested.
Woa - I had to keep reading after the first sentence. Nice one. - 7 months ago
Question Asker
Wow... well seriously, I appreciate the long detailed response haha.. I'm definitely getting everything you said, I just needed a perspective from the guy's point of view to confirm the thoughts ;) Thanx
The first part you mentioned, that's the part that totally kills me! They come up to me and we talk, click, then they don't ask me out. I would definitely say yes if they asked, regardless of how they looked, I loved talking to them and we hit it off, so when they start acting unsure towards - 7 months ago
Question Asker
The end, I'm kind of coming to the conclusion that they aren't so interested after all..... example, it happened on a double date kind of situation, and later my friend texts me and is telling me how his friend was totally into me, and I'm like WTF? I would've bet money that he wasn't.
Yeah, the only reason I won't walk up to a guy I like is that I haven't noticed him, and sometimes, I admit, just want to see if they're interested enough to make the initiative after I've smiled at them a couple - 7 months ago
Question Asker
Of times.. but I typically don't have a problem approaching a guy I'm interested in.. but the same situation poses, even if I'm making the advancement, it ends up the same, they're too scared (for a reason unknown to me) to take the initiative in advancing me. I'm not a bitch, at all. Well, I make jokes with them from the get-go.. I'm a bit sarcastic but I always smile or laugh and they're aware that's just my personality, so it's not like I'm giving them a chilly shoulder in hinting that I'm - 7 months ago
Question Asker
Not interested
Funny you mention all those ''flirting tips'', I unconsciously do a lot of those! hah like I said, I feel no awkwardness, for example if I just met you and there's a disobedient hair in your face, I'll just put my hand in your hair and run it through so it's out of the way, I don't think anything of it...
this limited text letters is a pain in the ass haha - 7 months ago
Answerer
Like I said in my post, it seems that overall most guys are just afraid of rejection. Hell I almost want to hold a seminar for my friends about this sometimes because I sometimes cringe based on how they act around women. The fact of the matter is that if you really want them to ask you out, then you can't be subtly hinting at it, you really need to use some obvious gesturing in most cases. - 7 months ago
Answerer
I'm just wondering, based on your follow-up, why is it that you're not asking the guy out? Do you feel that the guy is obligated to ask you out, or will it ruin the whole experience for you? Do you feel that if you ask him out you are just forcing him into accepting? - 7 months ago
Also, you sound a little more aggressive than you originally let on. An attractive girl with a lot of confidence who is smart and sexy would intimidate almost any guy and give them the feeling that they didn't have a shot in hell of landing her as his significant other. I'd honestly ditch the sarcasm, you may think that they understand you're just joking, but they're just smiling to hide the fact that they've just died a little inside. - 7 months ago
By
Answerer
If sarcasm is just part of your whole personality, try to be sarcastic in relation to a situation. I too am very sarcastic, but when talking to girls I never make it so that they are the brunt of the comment, it's usually based on a situation that occurred recently and I'll normally get a little playful giggle out of them. A lot of guys just can't handle a strong and powerful woman. - 7 months ago
By
Answerer
Perhaps they are even turned off completely by your aggressiveness thinking that you'd act the same way in a relationship, and having a girl who is too controlling is almost emasculating for most guys. Again, your problem seems to be with the hook. You can approach a guy but you just can't hook him in and you're waiting for HIM to make the move. Either try making the first move yourself, or at least set him up for success. - 7 months ago
By
Answerer
Don't do anything that will undermine him in any way, even if it's directed toward him in a joking manner he's not necessarily going to take it this way because he's already self-conscious as it is. If I were sitting at a table with a girl who I thought was out of my league, I'd definitely not feel good if she was being sarcastic towards me. Just try to be more 'girly' ask questions to show you're interested, and be easily impressed, and check your sarcastic comments at the door. - 7 months ago
By
Question Asker
Haha nooo.. I don't feel like they're obligated to ask because they're the guy, I just love when people have the guts to just take a chance. I'll flirt and say things like ''never done that, you should show me sometime'' and he'll smile and be like ''yeah, definitely!'' but then he never actually makes the plan or anything, even though I was the one who put the offer on the table.. you get what I'm saying? does he expect me to spell out that I'm interested? haha - 7 months ago
By
Question Asker
I had no idea of your other replies until I saw that tiny little ''see all replies'' button... tomorrow I'll re-reply, I'm about to pass out ;) - 7 months ago
By
Answerer
It's funny because I used to have that problem too, as clear as you think it is, it really isn't. First of all, you have already admitted that you are sarcastic person. More than likely, your joking demeanor may be too casual for him and he thinks from the get-go that you have no interest in pursuing a relationship with him. If you're on a date and you're like, joke, joke, joke, joke, joke, joke, he'll end up thinking that you're just having a good chat and nothing more. - 7 months ago
By
Answerer
Then when you finally say, 'you should show me sometime' he's thinking, 'damn, I really want to, but I'm pretty sure she's just joking.' That's why I suggested you check your sarcasm at the door and be casual, but not TOO casual. I used to not ask out girls who liked me because I couldn't get a feel for the impression that I made on them, if she joked around too much I couldn't really distinguish her flirtatious attempts from her chit-chat. - 7 months ago
By
Answerer
It's bad enough that guys are confused with respect to the dating scene in the first place. Sending mixed signals is definitely not going to help them with the situation. Even though your body language may denote that you like a guy, if your body is saying one thing, and your mouth is saying another...well I'm pretty sure you can see what I'm getting at. - 7 months ago
By
Answerer
Your body language and how you speak should generally reflect the same thing, that you are interested in this guy. So if you already put out the physical signs you need to focus on keeping the dialog in sync with them, not send a mixed message.
So just to recap, check the sarcasm, use suggestive body language, and turn down the powerful, sexy, smart, and funny vibe a bit. You want to make him feel like he has control and that if he were to ask you out, you'd say yes. - 7 months ago
By
Question Asker
''to hide the fact he died a little on the inside'' hahahh.. so if I'm joking around with him without a bit of blatant flirting he'll assume I'm just interested in a friendship, nothing more? I'm still thrown off by how they'd assume I was joking if I layed a future hang-out offer on the table.. I had no idea some guys were so unsure - 7 months ago
By
Answerer
For as much as guys claim that girls are just full of emotional baggage, the male ego is just so fragile that you'd think WE should have the vaginas. Yes, if you're just joking around without some blatant flirting, he'll just think you two are having a casual conversation, nothing more. The thing is that most guys don't want to set up plans with a girl that they are attracted to, but they feel that she isn't attracted to them. - 7 months ago
By
Answerer
This isn't because they don't enjoy the pleasure of your company, it's due more to the fact that guys have a really hard time being just friends with a girl. We think that all that will end up happening is either, we'll keep pressuring you for a date and you'll flip out on us and we'll lose you as a friend, or we'll end up seeing you with another guy and it'll just kill us inside to see you with another man. As you can probably tell, both of these situations aren't really attractive. - 7 months ago
By
Answerer
So what do we do? We don't ask you out because we think it's just a get-together among friends not a date. If we knew it was a date, and we were genuinely interested we'd be all over that shit like flies on rice. I don't think that's the actual expression, but for the sake of this comment, it is. Like, I said before, if all you're doing is joking with them they won't be able to distinguish your advancements from casual conversation. So get out there and blatantly flirt!! - 7 months ago
By
Answerer
As a side note, I actually find it sort of funny too how most guys can be so unsure of themselves and yet front such a cocky attitude. I don't fear rejection at all, and in fact some of my friends tell me that it's because I'm abnormal and immune. The truth is that I used to be just like them until I smartened up...I just don't have the heart to tell them that. Actually that's not true, I have told them, they just don't listen. - 7 months ago
By
Answerer
Now, if I was having coffee with a sexy, smart, and funny girl who I was really digging and she said to me, "never done that, you should show me sometime," well, flies and rice.
I'm thinking maybe I should just write an article about this for the website. - 7 months ago
Dude, you got some good stuffs here man. You seriously should write a article about it. Something about your dating experiences or dating advices would be nice. I always have a difficult time approaching girls. I guess I am just really unsure about myself. I am curious though, how did you got smartened up? How did the conversation went before you asked the girl out? Anyway, I am looking forward of your articles. Big thumb up for your answer. - 7 months ago
By
Answerer
I've told the story before somewhere on this website, but I had a major crush on this girl and for 3 years I never made a move, I just waited and waited and waited, and finally after 3 years I made my move. It turns out that she was actually interested in me too and after holding out hope was so relieved that I asked her. In the end the relationship didn't work out, but after a rough break up I thought it over and realized that by not asking her out, I wasted so much time. - 7 months ago
By
Answerer
It's not that I didn't enjoy being with her as just a friend, it was that I couldn't relax. There were still things that I wouldn't talk to her about because I didn't want her to think poorly of me, and even though we were friends I was still actually interested in her. I didn't want to drive her away. After recovering I thought to myself, part of the reason was that we knew too much about each other and this kinda killed the initial mystery that you experience in a new relationship. - 7 months ago
By
Answerer
It was all clear to me, it was like flipping a switch. Why waste so much time just because I'm afraid of rejection. If I'm actively interested in this girl but I don't know how she feels, by trying to delay rejection I'm just repeating the same mistake. I'll be her friend, get to know her, ask her out and then it might blow up in my face. - 7 months ago
By
Answerer
For example, my friend and I went to a bar and we ended up laughing to ourselves because we saw this guy get rejected by every girl he tried to dance with. First of all, it was actually his fault, he was going about it all wrong just kinda walking up and grinding against her. But now I look back and think, well at least he had the courage to do it, so he's going to find someone eventually...if he actually learns how to properly approach a girl at the club that is. - 7 months ago
By
Answerer
The bottom line is that I was just spending too much time hoping for a relationship when I should have been one. I enjoyed my time with that girl that I 'chased' for 3 years immensely, but can't help thinking how many times I missed out on possible relationships that could have been better if I wasn't constantly thinking about my crush. I chased her for 3 years, and we didn't even make it one as a couple. I guess you can say, it was a learning experience. - 7 months ago
By
Answerer
It actually helps you in everyday life too because it teaches you that if you take initiative you're more likely to succeed, and for guys getting the girl is the ultimate test.
You miss 100% of the shots you don't take. - 7 months ago
(Age:18 to 24)
When: 7 months ago
