This man and I have been emailing talking on the phone. We are both married. When we talk we laugh, tease, and have a lot of fun. We never talk about our spouses. Not sure why but we don't. He calls us friends but yet if I see him around town with his wife, he doesn't even acknowledge me. If we're "just friends" why would he ignore me? When we are alone I get his undivided attention. Why does he do this?
Fear. He is afraid of what his wife will think if she finds out he is more intimate with you, in some ways, than he is with her, which is adultery in a non-physical manner. He is getting something from you, he should be getting from her. Of course he would have to invest in her more, and you are easier to invest in, because there is less risk with you.
I appreciate your answer. I suspect you maybe absolutely correct! Do you think he calls us "friends" so that we have a relationship, even though it hasn't crossed the sexual line, and thus he does not have associated guilt for fulfilling a need outside of his marriage? - 2 months ago
Bingo. Something that he can't get out of his marriage is easier to get with you. Maybe he just can't talk to his wife openly about things. - 2 months ago
Answerer
If you approach him about this, be prepared for him to lie, and deny (DENIAL=Don't Even know I Am Lying) things so he can maintain his status quo. The fact is, he needs to figure out what he is getting from you, and seek it from his wife. It would probably require a higher level of commitment, risk and investment than he is willing to make, as long as he has an escape, like you. He probably doesn't even realize this is what he is doing. I would also suggest praying about this beforehand, too - 2 months ago
I mean seriously what do you think his wife would do if he found out he was "close" to you. She'd f***in force him to never see you again and quite possibly divorce him. It has nothing to do with him not liking you because I'm sure he does, he just can't show it in front of his wife or he's screwed.
Well thanks for the direct answer. As a guy, would you mind being approached on the situation or should I just lay low and enjoy the "friendship?" - 2 months ago
Answerer
I wouldn't mind being approached about it. I don't mind knowing how you feel about it, but you can't really expect it to change because of it. - 2 months ago
Answerer
Oh and sorry for the harsh language, was having a a bad day. - 2 months ago
Question Asker
I am sorry you were having a bad day and no I did not feel it was too harsh. What I meant by the question, and I realize that it may not change the way he reacts to me when she's around, but to bring it out in the open and try to understand if there is more than "friendship" that he feels for me. - 2 months ago
Perhaps in his heart, there is more and if he were to acknowledge you in front of his wife, she could see something in his eyes in regards to you. Be careful about your emotions towards him. You two could get caught up in something.
Because you're the other woman in his fantasy I suppose. The wife knows her husband and would probably be able to sense the extra chemistry between the two of you. Maybe you don't, but he probably has sexual feelings for you as well. Probably would never cheat on his wife but sometimes you can't fight the feeling.
I think he is doing this because he see you as more than a friend. If he talks to you with his wife there, he feels his wife might see that he has more feelings for you than just friends. I have a friend that does this to me too. Well not so much anymore, as I've ensured him after that nothing more will ever come of it, and he kind of got over it. But he used to do the same thing.
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(Age:36 to 45)
When: 2 months ago
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