Does confidence matter when you are ugly?

"Please no "believe in yourself" answers and " think positively " ( I've seen good looking depressed guys get girls)" ...of course they do, because they are outwardly attractive, they can pout at the bar and people will overlook it because they're cute...no one ever said that pretty people don't have a natural advantage, they do, life's unfair suck it up and deal with it.

You just have to work harder like all of us normal, average looking people do., people can't see your attractive qualities, you have to show it to them, give them a reason to like you, remember "hot" and "attractive" are two different things, being hot is an attractive quality, but so is confidence, leadership, humour... no you're not going to win over every single girl just by being happy and bubbly and confident, you are still going to get rejected some, but you'll definitely be in a much stronger position,

You imply girls literally won't let you talk to them in any social setting?...i highly doubt that.

you say you work out and are well groomed and hygienic, add to this confidence, a sense of humour and an open, friendly demeanor and there is no way you would universally shunned by every female on the planet just you just because you are ugly. It doesn't happen.

If chicks refuse to even be your friend you there is obviously a bigger problem going on than looks that you are not facing.

it could be that you're projecting awkward/ negative image unbeknownst to you or that you unintentionally give the impression that you are in fact trying to hit on girls when you're not ( if you are approaching girls in places like bars for example they are always going to assume you are trying to make a move),

but if you work on just being social and meeting friends of friends, you're going to eventually going to find someone who likes you just the way you are.

Well ofcourse confidence (not cockiness) still matters whether you are attractive or ugly. there's nothing uglier than a person with very low self esteem or false modesty. I know this male friend who is good looking enough (manly, chiselled features), and like false modesty bragging like 'yay some girls still paid me attention when I went on a trip, I still got it', I hate that sh*t. First, be someone that people are not going to hate. I am not sure why no girl lets you talk to them, but I for one am still gonna speak to someone even if they were ugly, and surely can be friends with someone even if they were not attractive to me. I guess you should look at why NO girl talks to you. Its not because you are ugly, there's a lot of ugly people out there with girlfriends.

The real answer is, if there is no initial attraction, regardless of whether you are an attractive or not person, it doesn't work. Its hard even for average looking or beautiful people to find a partner. Its just not as easy as people make it seem. If you are acting like you will date anyone, you will send everyone running for the hills. at least have some kind of criteria of what you want, someone warm, nice, loving, etc, and stick with that. And compliment them on that if you find someone nice. Give compliments on anything you find nice, their hair their smile etc. Flattery is flattering. And this kind of stuff is nothing to die over. I'm above average attractive and I'm not suicidal for not having a boyfriend. You don't need to die over this kind of thing. It's not a race to win someones approval or be accepted, you have to at least like yourself. if you kinda talked about yourself the way you did in this question, it wouldn't be surprising if no one wanted to be with you, cos you made it sound more hopeless than it is. there are burn victims with gfs.

Stop looking down at yourself. Despite how you look like, if you tell everyone that you're ugly, than they're going to think you are. Looks aren't everything. Personality matters the most. People with skin problems that make them not even look normal have found love. Do you know why? Because of their kind hearts. Telling everyone that you're ugly is a worse trait than being ugly. If you more confident, and learn to love the look God gave you, than I am pretty sure that Some day, there will be a girl who will like you just the way you are. You ask people if confidence and when we tell you that it does, and does change someone's view, you don't believe us and assume that we're lying. Have some faith in yourself and know this: you must first love yourself before you let others love you. There is no such thing as ugly or beautiful. That's made up by the society, and the meaning of what is attractive will also change over time. Physical beauty is socially constructed, but the inner beauty has always remained still. Trust me, by having some confidence in yourself, and loving yourself, others will accept you too.

I go for intelligence, competence, kindness and humour more than looks, any day! Confidence is attractive, but not cockiness - just being at ease with yourself.

It's possible you're giving off a 'desperate' signal - girls mightn't want to chat because they sense you're trying too hard and you want something from them. Also that you don't like yourself.

If you haven't already, try striking up brief convos with girls where it's 'work' not 'social', eg the cashier at the supermarket or the girl working at the bank... Keep it light and short, make a rule that you'll never try and get a number so you know there's nothing at stake. Once you get relaxed about talking to girls where there's no agenda, it's easier talking to them when you do want it to lead somewhere :)

And please do not think about self harm. Your life is important Don't give superficial women that much power over you to make you feel this bad. Do not give up - there are nice girls out there. Make a plan. When you start to accept yourself more I really believe the ladies will follow your lead!

Your problem is your negative attitude and aura. Girls are attracted to guys that are happy and pleasant to be around. It is an instant turn off to a girl for a guy to think they are ugly, you don't have to be cocky but you have to stop telling yourself you are ugly. First of all, girls have ugliness complexes and don't need or want guys that instead of reassuring them how gorgeous they are will say well at least you're better looking than me. Secondly no girl wants to wear the pants in the relationship so if you are all about how ugly you are and how no one wants you, of course they're not going to want to talk to you because that shows you are emotionally needy. Also you have to pick girls that you have things in common with and talk to them about normal things like let's say you're in class talk to a girl sitting next to you about the class you are in, ask her for a pencil or something. Then ask how her day is and what her name is. Compliments and being hit on are a guaranteed way to get a girl to think you're creepy. Add confidence issues and you're probably coming off as needy and creepy.

Luckily this is so easy to fix: stop feeling sorry for yourself. You are not ugly (please note even ugly guys can get girls because they are nice and approachable and make the girl feel good). Tell yourself you are a good person and attractive to someone every day and smile more often especially hen you go to talk to girls make eye contact and do not touch them unless they touch you.

First of all, don't categorized yourself as bottom trash of males. You can try to be beautiful on the inside. Do good! nah, I am not trying to be all saint or anything of that sort, just that girls find guys that do good deeds super attractive!

Those little things like giving up seats for old people, donating blood, donating money even a little, volunteering and what not; it's amazing. Be there when the needy needs help.

And suicidal? seriously? Your life is more valuable than that. And don't try too hard to impress, just be yourself. Don't blow your own trumpet! Let them shine on its own.

And fyi most girls don't judge a guy straight up based on their looks, at least your look won't be the first criteria girls look at before deciding whether they would talk to you. Girls that actually do, you should call yourself lucky for not having anything to do with them. They judge a book by its cover so why bother talking to them? It's their lost I guess? well, of course unless you have a "black heart"? not literally.

And don't settle for girls that are desperate. Look for one that actually cares. You are still so young, what's the rush? If you are nice and have a beautiful heart to begin with, the right one will come to you =) Trust me. Have a little more faith in yourself.

First of all. Why should you care? Ask yourself. Do you need to date? If everyone is really so judgmental, are they really worth dating?

You have made it a fact in your head that that's true, and as long as you believe it... You won't be able to see the diamonds in the rough. You'll only see the ugly people(aka the people with bad attitudes, and hateful or judgey opinions).

To answer your question: "Does confidence matter when you are ugly?" Yes. Confidence is the ONLY thing that matters. Because you cannot change your appearance. Or even if you can, what little bit you can change will never matter, because it is confidence that is beautiful. It is love for yourself that people see.

Yes, there are few exceptions. Superficial people seeking superficial looks...but are those relationships even worth anything? If they are really that shallow than they must be quite miserable.

I've been considered both unattractive(when I developed horrible acne)...and attractive by the general majority...but it's done NOTHING for my self esteem I can tell you. Because since the boy I loved, turned me down in a really heartless way. I haven't been able to trust anyone.

You shouldn't care what the majority thinks! Period. Whether people hate you...or whether they adore you.

I've learned the hard way that admiration, can quickly turn to hate. Hatred and admiration are not opposites. They can switch quickly.

Everyone is vying for admiration. But true acceptance is what they really want and need. Admiration is just fake. It's not real. And in a way...it's good that you have seen those people's bad sides. Because it forces you to decide whether you are going to listen to these people who will adore you one day and hate you the next.

Btw, the guy I was in love with was not super sexy. It was his attitude about himself and his charm and humor I found attractive.

It would be great if you updated this question with some of your interests and strengths so we have a better idea of who you are outside this slump/bad mood, and so we know what things you can build on...

In any case, I really don't think you're in as bad a situation as you might think. Girls honestly aren't such narrow minded boneheads - we have different preferences, so as long as you are nice, friendly and warm, there is someone out there who will find you attractive. People have already said below that it might be a good idea to keep doing things that make you feel good and don't revolve around "getting a girl" - it's good for your self esteem and in building relationships.

Suicide is such a waste when you're so young and don't know what's around the corner. Maybe you could also speak to a counselor at your uni, I'm sure you're not the only one who has felt this way before.

have you tried just asking like just going to the grocery store and asking where something is? I used to be so afraid of talkign to guys that I couldn't even do that. there are classes out there that can teach you how to approach women, and show you how to be more confident. believe me, I know it sucks to be looked at like your weird by someone that your trying to talk to and there not having it, I've been there before.i personally think its easier for guys to get girls if there funny and charming, no matter what they look like, its much harder for ugly girls. what kinds of things are you into, hobby wise?some place that has a lot of women, and is interactive will take the pressure off.

hello you ;)

It is my understanding that if a girl is not attracted at all then confidence won't change that BUT if a girl has some attraction to a guy then confidence does matter. Confidence just makes relationships easier, comfortable, fun, stable and a bunch of other things.

Plenty of 'ugly' people do get in relationships, you can't deny that.

Now you shouldn't give up because if you give up hope then you become suicidal and I don't want you dying. It is entirely possible for someone, somewhere to want to date you and if you give up hope you will never discover those possibilities.

And you're not wasting your time at the gym (unless you're one of those people who go to the gym and actually do NOTHING except play on their phone...). If you do get a girlfriend (which is entirely possible) I'm sure she will appreciate it and exercise is good for your health! ...on that note eat more vegetables :D yay

Take care :)

Confidence definitely matters. It matters because it takes confidence to actually go through with something. And it also matters because when you muster up all that courage only to get rejected, your confidence basically shatters.

In this regard, confidence sucks. It's just way too fragile.

I found that arrogance helped me more than confidence ever did. Arrogance in the sense of "if you don't like it then leave."

And if your face is really affecting your life that much and you can't live with it, then sit down and talk to a cosmetic surgeon. Save up, get work done in stages, and move on with your new life.

Ok, when it comes down to it, not everyone is physically beautiful. Not even half of us are. Walk down the street and notice how many people are plain jane, less than glamourous . . . it's quite a few, the majority I'd say. Now start looking at their hands, a lot of them will be, oh, wait, is that a WEDDING RING? A wedding ring on that ugly womans hand? A wedding ring on that fat guys hand? Why yes, yes it is. They aren't going to have a supermodel waiting for them at home, but they do have a spouse, one who cares for them. Less than attractive people find relationships everyday, typically with other less than attractive people. Are you talking to supermodels or normal people? I have a friend who is overweight and has a 'less than attractive' face, but he's also one of the most down to earth decent guys I know. Except for one thing, he wants a HOT girl. You have to have something equal to offer. I wouldn't be giving up if I were you, I'd be thinking outside of the box.

A lot of my friends care about the guy being attractive so I can get where you are coming from but that doesn´t mean that it is that way for everybody. I have a guy friend who is relly ugly but his attitude and the way he treats girls makes him really attractive. He is really chivalrious, he is/acts secure about himself and he tries to be really sociable. He has a pretty girlfriend and everything. Remember everybody will alaways think something bad about you, no matter if you are really hot or not. People will always talk, I think that is what you should be trying to work on. I´m not super pretty or anything but some people think the worst of me even if I am always nice so just try to work on that.