Thoughts on waiting for marriage?

I think your choice is wonderful! My girlfriend and I have been waiting to have sex until marriage also. Actually, both of us were married before, so we are not virgins, but we both only want to be with each other and not any of partners, and we both want it to be something very special between us when we finally do consummate our love for each other. We both know that when we finally do "make love," it will be like the 4th of July - fireworks going off for both of us because we are so attracted to each other in every way - physically, mentally and emotionally. There is so much chemistry between us that I know that our first time between the sheets is going to truly be monumental! Sometimes, we can barely keep our hands off each other, but like I said, when we finally do get together, it's going to be memorable! :)
Having said all of that, I hope that you find someone who loves you enough to wait for you as long as you both need and that you will find someone who truly loves you and that you can love in the same way! It needs to be 100% for both of you! God bless!

Its a must for me... I don't want to have any gut feeling about STD's or what she has done.

Me again, in response to your comment. Re: compatibility.

Annwyl, you probably know a bit about sex, even if you're a virgin. People like different things. Some like it hard, some soft. Passionate or gentle, and very different physical things too. Of course, some of that can be learned, and you'll experiment and try different things etc. But in the end, people really are different, and some are just never going to be good at, or enjoy, certain things. And if that person's partner happens to really enjoy those things, then. SOL.

Even if you talk about sex with your intended before you marry, you really don't know what you're talking about if you don't have experience. And you sound like the kind of person who's very deliberate, and who would probably talk about everything else with your boyfriend, and figure out compatibility in every other area, before marrying. So why avoid that with sex?

My guess is that your decision is mostly religious, and you're not really prepared to change your mind, just looking for ways to justify that restriction. Well. If that's so, then too bad. My feeling is that this particular religious custom is based on a philosophy of self-denial, of your own happiness being far less important than following procedures which tend to keep society ordered in a certain way. I don't think this custom is at all compatible with an outlook of fulfilling your life in the greatest way possible.

Hope this is food for thought.

It's an awful idea to avoid sexual experience until marriage. Especially if you take marriage seriously as a vow to be with your spouse forever. Sex is among the most important elements of a relationship. Do you really want to make a commitment to spend your entire life with someone, without knowing whether this vital component works well between you? And do you really want to know what sex is like with only one person your entire life?

I'm not speaking about sex as "fun", and I'm not talking about casual sex. I'm talking about being responsible and mature about your own happiness. Sex is part of life, and it's definitely part of love. Do it right. Do it when you're ready, be a mature and sexually experienced adult by the time you're ready to choose your life partner, and make sure you know everything you need to, to make the most important decision of your life.

Whether you wait or not is up to you. But, personally I think it's important to know whether I am sexually compatible with someone before I make a lifetime commitment to them. But that's just me. If you are not concerned with that, then perhaps it will all work out for you anyway.

Good luck to you. :-)

I'm not waiting because I'm a man, although a lot of folks honestly say that they prefer having their marriage spouse to be a virgin, be it a male or female. However, the reality is that, especially in the States, it's really hard to find one. So that's why, I think, most folks don't marry a virgin. If a guy truly loves you and want you as his wife, he doesn't care even if you want to remain a virgin until marriage. He might hate that a bit, but hey, he'll live with it. The guys who say they love you, and then threatened they'd dump you if you don't change your mind about the sex, then they don't really love you, do they?

Oh boy, this is a tough one. I waited until I was 19 for my "first time" only because I wasn't' so popular with women *sob*. Growing up as a catholic, this is supposed to be a cardinal sin but I did it anyway. During sex, my mind was just in 7th heaven. But what happened immediately AFTER sex is what I want to tell you. I WAS MAD AS ALL LIVING HELL!

Why? Because I felt that sex is such a wonderful and pleasurable experience that waiting for marriage was just wrong. I felt lied to. I felt mislead and manipulated in all the wrong ways. The next day, my bible, rosary and everything else was thrown out the window where it lays to this day.

Sex is good and always has been. To experience sex is quite necessary in understanding yourself, your needs and how to bring pleasure to you and lover. This is something that should not wait for marriage. Also, men tend to be very impatient with "rookies" unless it is a goal to do a virgin.

Hope my wisdom has been helpful

My thoughts on waiting are completely opposite. This, however, doesn't mean that I don't respect the thoughts of you or anyone else waiting till marriage. And that also doesn't mean that I won't date you or anyone else waiting.

My only concern is that these days it's hard to find that special someone. My parents have been married for over 30 years and that has given me a lot of faith in long lasting relationships and that "special someone for everyone. " Unfortunately, I currently can't hold a relationship down for more than 6 months. The truth of the matter is that if you wait for that special someone, what happens if that special someone isn't so special down the road. The one and only sometimes isn't that at all. Plus, you could be waiting a LOOOONG time!

But I will completely respect your wishes. There are other ways to experience pleasure. ;-) Personally, I lost mine mid teens and don't regret it at all.

Annwyl-cariad,

I truly have a lot of respect for individuals who commit themselves to save their virginity for their future husband or wife to-be, regardless of whether it is for moral or religious reasons.

It shows a level of commitment that is not always seen in todays fast paced society. Kudos to you.

Now to answer your questions,

Am I doing this? No.

Would I want my future spouse to do it? If she has decided on saving herself then I would definitely not discourage it. If she has not made up her mind then I would definitely not press the issue and encourage it as I am not doing this myself.

Would I be able to seriously date someone who wanted to wait? Yes, if I feel like she is the one! Sex is amazing but it is also not the sole reason for our existence nor is it a necessity for survival. Regardless of how many guys may have said that they would die if our girlfriend would not have sex with us. :)

Relationships are based on trust, tolerance, respect and acceptance of the other person for who they are. If saving yourself for marriage is a very important aspect of your life then, as you said, the ones who truly care will stick around and wait for you.

He'll be a lucky guy, not only because you demonstrated a lot of respect for yourself, but also because you clearly indicated that you are keen on learning on how to best please him. Powerful combination!

I think I was one of the persons who responded to the question you're talking about, so I'll clarify and rewrite a bit of it for those who don't want to find the other post.

Like I said before, I think it's a totally personal decision that no one else can or should make for someone else. So in regard to your first question, I'm fairly apathetic. If it's something someone wants to do, fine with me, it's their life.

However, I would not be able to date someone who wanted to wait until marriage. I'm ok with waiting for a while, even a long while, it's not like I expect to be having sex right away. Some girls want there to be some emotional attachment first, and I think most guys are ok with that if they're serious about the girl.

But when it's all said and done, if she said she wanted to wait until marriage, it'd probably be over. There are a lot of women out there, man is a sexual being, and when she says that, what she's basically saying is: "how about you stop doing that one thing you think about almost constantly, for 3 or 4 years, then we can get paired up for life, move in together, have our financial lives merged, and then we can have sex, only we may not be compatible, or one of us might be bad in bed, but hey too late, you're stuck unless you want to get rid of half your belongings and most of your pride. "

Sex isn't everything, but I've had some really bad sex before and even though I was attracted to her it didn't change the fact that we were not compatible. It seems silly, but if you're not getting along in bed it's going to affect so much more. So me personally, I'm not willing to risk it.

To be honest, anyone that can wait until they're married in this day and age gets some real props. I really don't care if it's for moral, religious, emotional, or whatever. It is extremely tough, believe me. I myself am doing it, and it is absolutely difficult. I think that it would be cool to find a girl who was waiting to, but I honestly don't expect it. The past is past, and we all do stuff that we regret or don't regret.

How do you feel about people who are waiting to have sex until they are married?
I respect their decision; however, I respect it even more when they are doing it for their own moral reasons, not because of religious reasons.

Are you doing this, and, would you want your future spouse to do this?
When I was younger, my ideal was to find a girl that was a virgin; soon, reality kicked in, and I figured, to find somebody that just had strong morals....gave up on the virgin part.


Would you be able to seriously date someone who wanted to wait for marriage?
Yep; dated 2 girls like that. With one it didn't work out cause the relationship just died, and the last one, well, we're planning to get married later this year, so I guess I'm seriously dating her. I got lucky! :)

If you are waiting, what's your reasoning? Is it religious, or do you have some other reason? Of course, I didn't wait, but my gf waited because she was trained early on that guys just wanted to get laid, and she didn't want to fall in that trap and then be emotionally hurt.

As far my thoughts, like most guys, we all want to get laid, but we wouldn't marry a slut. Would be heavenly to find a virgin, and if that's impossible, then find somebody that was not to 'worn in.'

By the way, heads up, since you form fast emotional attachments, might as well stick it out, cause you're a prime candidate to get hurt if a guy ever schemes you into having sex. And I've seen plenty of my friends that fell for schemes only to go into severe depression afterwards. Lots of girls that don't care about their virginity, so I'm sure they will say you're being prude.