So all my life I have been intimidated by girls, I don't know why that's just the way I am I guess. I have gotten up the nerve to ask a few girls out, but I am really quiet and until recently that has been the downfall of most of my relationships. I have always been really timid about the whole sex thing and have never really pushed things past making out/groping. My last girlfriend and I started dating when I was 20, and still a virgin. She kind of took control and initiated sex one night. I always imagined sex being really great when it finally happened, but it was the exact opposite. I was absolutely petrified. I was shaking all over, sweating like a pig, I would forget to breathe. It was a genuine panic attack. I told her about my experience afterwards and we both agreed that it was probably just cause it was my first time. But it wasn't, it happens to me every time. Its like a switch gets flipped as soon as its clear we're gonna have sex. I get so scared that I can barely even feel anything and I usually just go limp after a few minutes. I've only even reached orgasm once. She has been really loving and supportive of my problem, but that doesn't mean that its not frustrating for the both of us. Help please. I have no idea what to do, but I want sex to be fun not scary.
This sounds like a real troubling problem that has a deep root in your subconscious (spell check! ) that you may or may not already be aware of. After I was raped I had difficulty enjoying sex with my partner who I trusted. For no physical reason I would experience pain, my mind took control of my body and blocked out pleasure signals which caused me to "dry out" and sex would become infinitely painful. I'm not suggesting you had an experience like mine, but I am however suggesting that this problem is mental. After going to therapy for a few years I was able to release my demons and now my sex life is great, but still there are times like if it gets to hard or too fast it triggers my mind to go back to that mental state temporarily. Not suggesting that your crazy (of course not! ) but I suggest seeing a professional or reading a book that can help you break free of your hang ups. When you get these panic attacks, what goes through your mind? Try and point out and keep record of thoughts and feelings that you have during the experience to try and dissect the problem. The best way that I found how to regain my sex life was to try and relax before and during sex. Like cuddling, kissing, massages. All these things ease my mind and my body and prepare me for enjoying sex because I found relaxation is key. When I first started to implement relaxation as a technique it was difficult, you have to train your body to do it. So I took up meditation in my casual life to get my body used to the feeling, and this helps a lot. I think that your not a lost cause and this problem can be fixed. I will prep you by saying however, its not going to be easy but, if you have the resources available, like a self help book or a therapist, and you use the tools that they provide you with you can overcome this.
When it's in your head like that, it's hard to get rid of, but not impossible. Lucky for you you have an understanding girlfriend.
Doing nothing about it can't help. So, keep experimenting with your girlfriend, and after a few more times of trying to be intimate, it will eventually get easier. But you need to stay determined, don't give up.
okay so i have had sex with my boyfriend, yes the first time i did bleed but just a little bit and it hurt like a bitch! but then this is the third...
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Describe your ideal first date; Where do you go? What do you wear? How does the date end?
On my ideal first date, the guy would pick me up and we would go out to eat. Somewhere not too expensive but not too "trashy" either. Then we would either just hang out and talk or go to the mall. I would wear a cute shirt and jeans. It would end with a kiss.
Afterwards..what will your date know about you?
Hopefully my date would know that I'm pretty laid back and easy going. I'm not afraid of of saying what I think, and I am confident.
(Age:18 to 24)
When: 3 months ago
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