Do you find it easy to forgive? Or do you forgive?
Can you move on, or will you avoid the person forever?
How did you get over it to get on with life?
Update: Okay, sorry to everyone that has answered already. This is a hypothetical question. I'm asking what You do when someone hurts You. It's not because I can't forgive anyone specific. Please answer with that in mind and, if you want, give your examples.
A month ago
Well it's always easiest to admit to yourself you're not over that person. I liked a guy a lot even though we didn't go out except one "date". He stopped liking me but didn't tell me so I embarrassed myself by always talking to him and stuff. One day I asked him-even though I knew the answer- to "Do you like me or not? " When he said no it sucked a lot. It's been two months and for awhile it was a real struggle. I got over him by stop talking to him altogether and always trying to never be where I knew he'd be. It was real hard walking by him in the hallway knowing that we went on this "date" and I had a great time but he didn't. I got over him by getting really busy in other things like school and band.
Ouch, that's harsh. Are you truly over this guy, or is it still hard to see him? I once liked a girl to the point of thinking I really loved her. When I approached her, she said no and it did sting quite a bit too, so I can know a thing or two about what you mean. It makes things so weird that nobody but someone like that can understand. Do you still feel hurt whenever you see him? - A month ago
Answerer
Yeah but not a lot. He still means a lot but doesn't at the same time. Someone that's gonna hold my hand and hold me like he likes me a lot but then not call and blow me off like that doesn't deserve my time. - A month ago
Question Asker
Definitely not. If somebody doesn't respect you enough to make an effort, they don't deserve it either. Life is more than just the comfy hugs and hand holding - there's all the bumps and things on the way too. There's the boring parts of life that takes a bit of effort to stay focussed on, and he should be able to do that, not just be there for the highlights. - A month ago
I am really sensitive, once I get hurt I won't forget it forever, but the thing is I forgive or act like nothing happened. It's only when I really like the guy. But if it happens too many times I just quit on him.
It's good that you forgive. I don't think it's really possible to forget, but it is possible to let go of the anger and pain you felt at the time. It's also possible to make the decision not to take it up again. What did you mean by "It's only when I really like the guy"? I suppose if you get hurt continuously you can't be expected to keep on giving chances for him to do it over and over again. That makes sense. - A month ago
Answerer
I meant if I didn't really like the guy then I wouldn't waste much of my time forgiving him and continuing. Otherwise I'd give him another chance because I really like him. Lol I guess that's my biggest weakness when at once he can make me cry and then his little word 'sorry' changes everything. But relationship like that would just crush me. It's said we love because we want to get hurt. Lol - A month ago
Question Asker
I must admit I haven't heard that one before, but when I look at all the relationships around me, I also see so much of hurting and making up going on that it confuses me. It's pretty funny though how that happens. How do you rate how deep your feelings are to see if he's worth going back to when he says sorry? BTW, you should check another of my Q's about why girls go back to guys that hurt them. It's gotten interesting responses. I'm not saying you're like that, but you might like reading it. - A month ago
This is an excellent question! Hmmm I throw my shoes at them! LOL Nah just kidding! I let myself feel the hurt until it heals and forgiveness speeds up that process. Depending on what they did, I'll move on either way, but just because I forgive them doesn't mean that I'll have anything to do with them. I keep in mind that they don't control me or pay my bills and therefore they can't stop me from getting on with my life, only I can. So that helps me pick up the pieces, put myself back together, and get on with my life.
That's a very good outlook on things. Just because you forgive them, doesn't mean that you need to let yourself get hurt again and again. Throwing shoes sounds fun at times though. Lol. Forgiveness does help you move on though. Without it, you carry around that hurt and never let it go. It might dull, but one reminder of it and it'll hurt just as badly again. It's good that you get on with your life and don't let something someone else did ruin that - A month ago
It's really tough to act like nothing happened when someone has really hurt you--and often times, its not a good idea either. When I've been truly hurt in the past, I will usually draw back for a while, and think about what happened between me and the other party. I'll try to understand their actions, and the whole situation. Most of the time, I can usually come to some understanding as to why they chose those actions, even if they wouldn't have been the actions I've taken. If I really don't understand, I might go to them after a week or so and ask them to explain why they did what they did.
Then I try to decide if those actions reflect the kind of person I want to associate with. If the answer is yes, I'll go talk to them, and try to make peace with what happened. If the answer is no, I will go my separate way, because I know no one is benefiting from the friendship/relationship.
Withdrawing is a danger I'm all too familiar with. It actually makes things worse in the long run because you mull over it and never get over it truly. It is true that you can accept that whatever it is happened, but do you get over it? Confrontation and forgiveness work well. Would you avoid your bff if they did something really horrid to you, but this one time only? Is it better to have the friend, or get away from the person responsible for hurting you? Is that even possible? - A month ago
Answerer
Accepting is something that is much easier, forgiveness can happen, it just doesn't happen nearly as quickly. If you notice my original answer, no where do I talk about forgiveness. Forgiving a truly horrid act can take years, and it requires effort from both sides to re-develop the trust. Friendship is a two-way street after all.
If my best friend did something really horrid to me multiple times, I would have to question the fact that they are my best friend. - A month ago
Answerer
Having a friend is only worthwhile as long as it is a positive relationship for both parties. So if they were repeatedly hurting me, and they weren't willing to acknowledge and fix what they were doing, I would try to stay as far away from them as possible. - A month ago
Question Asker
Good point. I did see you didn't mention forgiving, but is it healthy for yourself not to try to go in that direction? Anyhoo, sometimes my experience with friends says that if you stick with it, things will often come right in the end. But I have had many friendships that didn't end well. One even went from bff to biggest bully in the space of a week, so I do know what you mean. I have forgiven him now, to the point I could get along (never bff again), so I do understand what you say here. - A month ago
My Answer Because the situation is so vague, there are innumerable ways to combat this question. I'm going to go from personal experience. When I found out my boyfriend cheated on me, I was devastated. I felt lost and betrayed, not to mention angry beyond mention. We are still together so I had to learn to forgive him in order for the relationship to last beyond this event. At first it was really challenging. I would throw his infidelity in his face and it effected our relationship, I resented him and he was stressed due to the fact that I couldn't let the situation go. Over time, I have gotten less angry at the situation and life is back to normal. I think to truly forgive someone who broke your trust, you have to let trust rebuild first, which takes time. Also remember the saying, "Its easier to forgive than to forget"
Haha same answer twice, don't I look retarded? lol - A month ago
Question Asker
Admin deleted the duplicate answer, so no worries. That's a hard situation, and sorry you went through that. I think it is actually impossible to forget, yet I've heard so many stories about people being forgiven of some of the worst atrocities imaginable. One I remember was a woman who forgave a man who'd brutally murdered her son and husband. She accepted this man as a son instead as 'payment' for her forgiveness. I was in tears when I heard about that. It was in South Africa during apartheid. - A month ago
Answerer
Trust me, no worries. everything is great now, but I figured I'd bring up that time of my life to use it as a lens to answer the question. but thanks! - A month ago
Question Asker
Thank you for sharing that. I really appreciate it, as it is a very personal thing. I wish you the best on the road to recovery from that situation. Trust is one of the hardest things to rebuild as everything that can remind us of the offense, probably will. You have quite a lot of strength of character to be able to do that, and I admire that in a person. - A month ago
N/A
(Age:18 to 24)
When: A month ago
Because the situation is so vague, there are innumerable ways to combat this question. I'm going to go from personal experience. When I found out my boyfriend cheated on me, I was devastated. I felt lost and betrayed, not to mention angry beyond mention. We are still together so I had to learn to forgive him in order for the relationship to last beyond this event. At first it was really challenging. I would throw his infidelity in his face and it effected our relationship, I resented him and he was stressed due to the fact that I couldn't let the situation go. Over time, I have gotten less angry at the situation and life is back to normal. I think to truly forgive someone who broke your trust, you have to let trust rebuild first, which takes time. Also remember the saying, "Its easier to forgive than two forget"
Okay, now I look the idiot. I thought that this was a different answerer and that your duplicate would be under the same name and therefore deleted because I didn't see it here. I've just notified admin that this answer is spam, so maybe they'll delete it. - A month ago
It depends on how they hurt you and how badly it affected you. The easiest thing to do with someone that has hurt you is to forgive and forget. Forgive them and forget them. You have to move on, because if they hurt you they are not worth your time. Don't avoid them forever- maybe down the road you will find a friendship again, but don't try and be best friends today. Just remember, there's many other people out there that won't hurt you and that will make you much happier.
Easier to forgive and forget? I personally think that this is the hardest thing to do. I think it is much easier to resent them and never let go of it. It isn't the healthiest thing to do, though. Unforgiveness eats a person up inside and rots their minds into a twisted wreck of hatred. I do agree with you though on the point of not being able to avoid them forever, and the possibility of friendship later on down the road. I think that that is the first prize, the one I want over all. - A month ago
I forgive immediately by choice and try to make amends, even if they are supposed to. But secretly the little grudge may live on to become a monster or otherwise be annihilated by a significant reimbursement or favor by the culprit.
Moving on is not a problem so much as forgiving the person. Mostly, I just tried to cut the person out of my life thinking maybe that time and distance would allow me to let it go. I've (kind of) forgotten about the whole ordeal but when I do think about it, I still become angry. So it's a no-go on forgiveness, at least for now, if ever. For me, I don't think I'll ever be able to truly offer forgiveness in the form you're talking about. I can only push the pain to the back of my mind and conveniently forget it's there. Not healthy psychologically maybe, but neither is wishing well the person who did this imho.
What I'm talking about when I say that is to truly forgive the person. To be able to wish them well, it means that you force yourself to let go of the pain that hurts you psychologically too. That's a liberating thing, despite being so incredibly hard to do. It is one of the hard things to do that makes more difficult things easier later on in life. Basically, it's character building. BTW, your avatar - do you like Bleach? Anime fan myself - Naruto and Bleach amongst others. - A month ago
Answerer
Lol yeah Bleach and Naruto ^_^ Ex got me hooked. I'm trying, and so far I've gotten closer than I was before. I can't bring myself to "wish her the best" right now but I still hope that life isn't too hard on her. It's just a slow road I think. And yeah you're right. It does feel good. - A month ago
Question Asker
Is this the same ex you're talking about here? It's good that you're trying to get over it. It can't be an easy thing to do. I haven't exactly got any experience, but I do know that much. If you continue trying, I do know that it will eventually get much easier to do and you'll feel much better for it. - A month ago
(Age:18 to 24)
When: A month ago
