Do verbal and emotional abusers have the ability to love?

I dated a man for nearly 4 years who was emotionally and verbally abusive. I have no idea why I stayed so long. Perhaps because he made me feel so utterly worthless that I believed no one else could ever love me.

Thankfully (how weird that I am thankful for this), his verbal abuse did become physical. He choked me in an airport. The police arrested him and I moved out the next day. That was 3 and a half years ago. I often wondered if he could ever be with someone without behaving so self-destructively, then I stopped wondering -- I really didn't care anymore. I found a wonderful man who showed me what love really feels like and could not be happier.

Then just last week I learned that my ex recently had a baby with a 24 year old woman. She became pregnant about 5 months into their relationship and they go married a few months after that.

Now that he's a husband and a father, I hope that he has gained control of his temper and resolved the many issues from his childhood. But I am highly skeptical. A wonder if a person can really change that much. I also worry for his new wife and child. I think about where we were a year into our relationship--I had seen him angry, but the abuse had not started at that point. I worry the same will be the case for her. She is so young, I hope that if he does show his true stripes again she will have the strength and the courage to leave him.

The one thing that gives me hope for her is the fact that after we broke up, he began court-ordered counselling. It turns out he has a bi-polar disorder which (at least at the time) was being treated medically. I think that many abusers have some kind of mood disorder that requires professional help. If your ex-fiancé falls into that category, perhaps he can seek the help he needs and work on changing.

In the mean time, just take care of yourself and be grateful that you are no longer in that hell. You will eventually meet someone who will treat you right -- only then (at least this was the case for me) will you truly grasp just how lucky you are to be free.

Honestly in my opinion not really - they won't succeed cause ok if he was like this with you, he is going to be the same way with another woman! Abusers really don't succeed in a relationship with anybody else except themselves, they only love themselves and they only want that other person to love them more than they love that other person - makes sense?

The only thing abusers need is therapy or some psychological help at the most! Cause they won't stop until they get physical and finally kill that person but by then they become so caught up in the fact of hitting and beating up a person they might have probably killed someone already. Guys who abuse verbally and emotionally - they don't love you or care about you, they just want to look good with a person they are with. For example, a guy who loves a girl will never tell her your getting fat and it embarrasses me to walk around with you, especially with my friends! He will love her the way she is no matter what! And I'm giving you this example cause there was a case like this and her stupidity for listening to him led her to sickness and heartbreak so please an abuser only needs psychological help not another woman - end of story!