This is a letter I wrote my love what do you think?

I laughed so hard! But it's a good thing because it was the sweet kind of funny, however. I do think you could come up with something much better and a lot less cheesy and hilarious.

Take out the car line, and just speak from your heart without over trying so much. too cheezy

Its cute. But its to many similes. She would probably think its sweet though, if you don't do this often

AHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

If I were your girl I don't if I'd laugh, be totally mortified or embarrassed for you (and me).

Come on, man, you can do better. Something sweet but not cheesy. And wtf @ the car line.

Please don't compare the love of your life to an automobile! Also I wouldn't call her baby in the letter

Some of it's not bad (the closing line, and the one about the stars), but you do overkill the car bit.

As the replies have said, there are really two ways to go here. There's the simple and direct, and there's the more poetic, Shakespearian method, and the letter you have is trying to be both. If you want to go with the direct method, just write down what you feel, in simple honesty. She'll find it every bit as sweet as if you'd said it to her, and treasure the letter.

Either way, fix the grammar/spelling, and try to make things flow a bit more. Avoid parentheses, and have smooth transitions between concepts. Don't just jump from "She's like a car" to "She's a fated choice", and when you start to run thin on your comparison (but, unlike a car, I'd never give it away) don't keep stretching it.

For the more poetic way, start by reading some good romance-era poets. (Byron, Keats, Shelley, Keating, Shakespeare, Coleridge, etc. ) Then grab a copy of the thesaurus and go to work. Baby? Try sweetheart, darling, love of my life, my paramour, beloved. "More than anything"? Try "the world", "my heart can bear", "life itself". Rather than saying you've made a choice to be with her, say that your "heart would shatter, were you ever from her side", or that "your love for her would put the angels to shame".

Just be sure that it's heartfelt, and shows that you've put effort and thought into it.

Depends on the girl, she might melt or might laugh. From my view, I think its better to just express how you feel in normal words rather then comparison kind of way, it feels like you got them lines from other people or internet, but then again that's only my view, a guy's view not a woman, so its up to you weather you want to send her that.

Hmmmm, a bit cheesy. If you really want to write her a love letter, then just tell her what you're felling inside about her without all the similes and metaphors.

Unless you're good with words, it is difficult to get down on paper the feelings that one person has for another. This is why the cheesy letters can happen and wrong similes can be used. For example, the sun (an inanimate object) cannot love the flower (a living thing), it would have to go the other way around. The hummingbird thing I don't get at all. Comparing her to a car, could work if she's a redneck.

You're jumping around too much in your letter. Keep it simple and just tell he what she means to you without any kind of poetic comparisons.