I have been in a relationship with this guy for two years now. We have a beautiful 9 month old son. Everything was going great when we started dating. There was one detail that really did not bother me when I met him but now it's a problem. When he was in high school he was having sex with this one girl that at the time was his girlfriend, but she was having sex with other guys too. So she got pregnant and she told him the baby was his. Well when I met him he told me he had absolutely no contact with them what so ever. He said that since the baby was born he has only seen his 2 or 3 times because he was not sure the kid was his cause he caught the girl sleeping with another guy at her house and she refused to give him a DNA test and swore to God the baby was his. So they where going out and breaking up back and fourth and when the baby was like 6 months old she got pregnant by the same guy my boyfriend caught her in bed with. That's when he says everything was over between them two. So I belived him, but later in the relationship I found out he had told me a lot of lies. I found out you know that he had been buying her pregnancy clothes cause he wanted her to feel comfortable and he bought the baby everything you can imagine. I mean he spoiled them to death, he even had pictures of him all over his house and when I asked him who he was he said it was a little cousin (he lied, it was his so called son). So to make the story short he was really involved with his "son" for the first two years of his life. Recently his ex has been calling him and sending him text messages and pictures of her son and her and it bothers me. I have also found text messages from other girls and he denies it. I love this guy to death, but I cannot get over many of the lies he told me. It also bothers me that he used to treat this baby and girl like his everything and when it comes down to my son and I, I don't feel he treats us like we deserve. Is it jealousy I'm feeling? How do I get over his past and the many lies he told me? I want a future with this guy but there is something that is not letting me be happy and I don't know what it is? Should we pressure the girl to give him a DNA test since that is one of the things that is bothering me and him too (even though he says that little kid will bring more problems to his life)?
Well, I think if its that much of an issue to you both then you should get it done. Its obviously ruining your relationship and not many people like this kind of drama. I had a friend that went through the same thing and the girl put his name as the father on the birth certificate and wanted him to hand her a check every month. My friend was adamant that it was not his kid and after finally getting her to consent to a dna test he found out he really wasn't the father. (also, he had to legally pay her support up to that point and if the test proved he was the father he had to pay for the test) We never did actually find out who the father was.
So just be aware that if the test is not in his favor as you think it might be, he may be in for some legal battles or court mandated child support payments. Like 20 years of them. And the realization that he really is a father. Some serious stuff, make sure you know how deep you're prepared to go down the rabbit hole.
Its not jealousy. Everything you are feeling is normal and legitimate. You also feel a bit betrayed because of the lies. I say get the damn paternity test. You need to know 100% without a shadow of a doubt weather its his or not. You guys can go to court and get an order for a paternity test. Now the only drawback to that is if its found that the baby is his then he will have no choice but to pay child support and the situation will be a part of your lives. Either way you need to sit down with him, share your concerns and decide once and for all if this child I going to be a part of you lives or not.
It is sick and unfair for him to keep popping in and out of that child's life. It creates all kinds of instability and abandonment issues for the kid. He needs to grow up and get his shit together.
My opinion is that yes, he should have the test done. If he IS the father, that little boy deserves his financial support and, preferably, a relationship with him. Regardless of what's happened since, he still has a responsibility to that child.
I think the TMs from other girls are another issue. How can he deny it if you've seen them? And why are you reading his TMs? If you are that worried that he's cheating on you, there's something really wrong in your relationship. If your child is his (not clear here), I'd suggest counseling. If not, maybe it's time to move on.
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Describe your ideal first date; Where do you go? What do you wear? How does the date end?
My ideal first date would be to take a girl to do somethings she's never done before. Whether it be Ice Skating or Sky Diving, something that exciting that she won't forget. Id probably just wear blue jeans and a t-shirt, first dates with me will never be a dress up type thing. The date ends with atleast a smile on our faces, I can't promise anything more.
Afterwards..what will your date know about you?
I am extremely sarcastic and easy going. I hope we would both learn a lot about each other, but I can't tell you everything about me because what would we talk about on our second date?
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