I met my now ex husband when I was 18. We were together for 11 years. I was very shy in high school and he was my first love and first everything. We split in Sept last year and divorced in January this year. He was everything to me. I know that I am not ready for a relationship. I think it would be unfair for the new guy and for me as well. I would end up transferring my old relationship characteristics to the new guy or expecting more from him than he wants to give. So I have been going out a lot after work with friends. We go to the same area bars because we know the bartender or DJ or what ever. I have been hit on sooooo much here lately. I don't know why. Never in my entire life have I gotten this much attention from guys. If I had gotten this much attention in high school then maybe I wouldn't have married the first guy that asked.
So anyway, there is this guy that I work with. I like him. He is 21 from Mexico and doesn't speak much English. I don't speak a lot of Spanish but I get by. So we have hung out a few times together. We ended up having sex.
I thought, well either this is going to end up being a one night thing and he won't want to have anything to do with me again OR he will get all clingy weird. No he became a whole new kind of weird.
I still go out after work. I usually change at work because I live a long way away and I don't want to drive 60 miles round trip. So he usually doesn't say much to me at work. I think he is shy. I don't think he wants the guys in the back to pick on him. Except every time I go to leave he says something like "Oh mamacita, wow, Oh man" or something to that extent. He asks some of the guys that I go out with (only friends) what we did or where we went (checking up on me is what I think). He tells me he is going to call and doesn't but he still makes the comments. I went to a club the other night. He followed me outside and asked me where I was going. I told him and he told me he would be there around 12. He showed up at around 1:15 which I understand because of our job we don't really have an off time. But when he got there I told him to wait one minute while I paid my bar tab and I would be right back. When I got back he was gone. I left on Sunday and again he asked where I was going. I told him and he said he could go so I in my best I don't give a crap way said "whatever" and left.
I mean come on what am I supposed to do. I like him and I know he likes me. I like flirting and playing but I am really confused by all this. A guy that he works with in the back came up to me and gave me a hug the other day. I hugged him back we were standing there when he looked over my shoulder and he said something in spanish. I think it was something like "don't get mad at me" and the other guys started laughing at him.
I am going crazy here. I don't want him for my boyfriend but I would like to know where I stand at least.
It reads like you have just earned yourself the "cougar" moniker.
C'mon, you know yourself that someone in your age range having sex with a 21 year old guy isn't creating a relationship. You don't want a relationship, so don't analyze it. It was sex and it's done.
As for his behaviour. He's mexican and machismo has a lot to do with his behaviour. There was similar question on this site a couple of days ago, but closer in age.
As for the divorce. A lot of us are in that boat and it takes a few years of rediscovering your single self to get over it.
Why is it I have to be a cougar? I just turned 30 and every seems to think it is a big deal I am with a 21 year old. Even my 21 year old girlfriend that is dating a 29 year old guy. As for the machismo thing, I am not really sure what the best strategy is to deal w/that. Any advice? Usually I would be straight forward and just tell him how what he is doing is making me feel but I don't know if that is the best way to approach this. - A month ago
Your flirting and playing with other guys is making him really insecure. He starts to act all weird after the sex because he does not want to look like a clingy, desperate person. He does not want to lose you to another guy but his pride is blocking his judgment. About the comment "don't get mad at me", did you remember what he said and asked someone about this? Because it does not make any sense.
He didn't say that his friend said it to him. I am a very friendly person, sometimes too friendly and it gets taken in the wrong way. I give hugs to everyone, it was how I was raised. To this day I give my family and friends hugs every time I see them. His friend, whom I have know for a while now, hugged me and I hugged him back and while I was hugging him he looked over at my guy and said "look, he is getting mad" or something very close to this (in spanish). - A month ago
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