Are guys confused after they have sex with you for the first time?

As I always tell my female friends, any time a guy uses the excuse that he is afraid of commitment, then you know he is only out there to get some. Big red flag, right there!

Why use this excuse? Because it puts you in a safe zone. You can try to have sex, and if the girl gives in, and then develops feelings for you, then you can say, 'but I told you I wasn't ready for commitment'; I have used this excuse many times when I was out playing the field.

Another great excuse to use is, 'im concentrating on my professional life right now and don't have time for commitment.' Again, not only do you look like a guy with goals and concerned about your future, but also, as mentioned before, it gives you a green flag to hit it and quit it without getting implicated too much.

Not all guys are afraid of commitment; there are times of course when a guy just went thru a divorce, or a painful breakup ordeal, and yes, if he says he is afraid of commitment and he has just experienced any of those issues, then I would believe it; otherwise, I wouldn't.

Now, there have been cases where a guy does like a woman, then has sex, then realizes he is not ready to commit, but he has done the deed already, and then he starts to act weird, but he might not be a player, just that he realized after the sex, that he wasn't ready for a relationship.

At the end, most women have a great intuition, and when they listen to that, it never fails them to truly figure out what's going on. YOu mention in your post that before the deed, both of you talked about what they wanted in a relationship---well, did he say he wanted commitment? Or did he say he wasn't ready....and if he wasn't ready, then what led you to say is ok to have sex with him....anyway, I think from the post, is a bit hard to tell what is really going on, but I have listed possibilities that are very plausible with the scenario you described. Good luck.

At 28 I don't imagine he was lying to you to get to score with you (presuming that is what you mean by "jerk"). That is something a teenager might do, although not necessarily because they intend to be a jerk, but more because there are a lot of opportunities at that age (in his head at least), and people feel the need to explore their world a bit before locking in. Plus teenagers lack maturity in dealing with relationships (particularly the difficult parts), so they frequently end up hurting each other's feelings.

People do often feel different after sex for the first time. I think women some times feel a closer bond with a man, where-as I don't think that is the case with men. Sometimes that difference makes for an awkwardness that causes approach-avoidance anxiety (this is the same feeling you get before the first day of school or before a presentation or first date). That is to say he may like being with you, but feel some level of unexplainable anxiety that causes avoidance.

Also, the way a guy feels about a girl can change from day to day (just like the way you feel about him might change). Guys simply won't have an emotional bond with a girl unless they date for a while (no matter how intense the physical bond). If you like the guy, tell him your disappointed he's not more available to you and leave it at that (no dramatic debate or confrontational converstation as that's a sure way to bring things to halt). If you still don't feel like you're getting what you need emotionaly, then keep yourself available to meet others and put this guy on the back burner for a while. I'm not suggesting you play head games with him, as that just causes a lot of needless drama. But in the same sense, be true to yourself. If you want something in a relationship and you're not getting it, then maybe you should consider looking elsewhere. In other words, tell him to get in the back of the line (at least in your mind and in the way you interact with him, don't verbalize that as it might not come out right).

Ultimately 90% of everything is how you frame it. Maybe you two jumped the gun on the physical relationship. Hopefully it was a positive experience for both of you nonetheless. If you were hoping for a closer relationship as a result of the physical intimancy, then you're probably disappointed. If he is withdrawing from the relationship then it might be because he's afraid you've skipped ahead to the next step without him (which is a powerless feeling that guys don't like much). I say give it some time, but keep your options open. If you feel emotionally overwhelmed "waiting" for him to feel the same way, then you probably should tell him that and spend the next few weekends with your girlfriends instead (or volunteer, travel, or spend time with your family).

First off what do you mean by weird? If you mean he hasn't changed to what you expected: aka you expected to feel closer, him to act closer to you, spend more time together, then you are paranoid/wrong in your assumptions. You are taking the leap from one night of sex to commitment without defining much here. Do you mean marriage/moving in commitment or dating/official going out status?

Is he talking to you less or the same on other things? He may think the sex WAS the next step and doesn't feel the need for fanfare and therefore no need to keep talking about a future relationship and so reduced the relationship conversation because he feels you don't need to TALK about it, since you HAVE it (in his mind).