Why is friend a bad word?

I can honestly say that I haven't thought of "friend" as a bad word. And multiple times (though not always) I have remained true friends with the woman after we "break off" the romance. So I think that might just prove that I agree in general with A-R-Norman about what friendship means and how one can act after the "couplehood" ends.

That said, I think it takes a big man (or woman) to be rejected, then remain close to their former intimate partner, while still in love with them. Meaning, if all you were a the point of break up was friends, then it can be easy to continue as friends. But if you're pining away while she's moving on and wants to hang out and share the occasional story about the funny things her new boyfriend does, well, that's no fun if you're still in love with her.

Also, both sexes sometimes use "let's just be friends" when, truth be told, they mean "I don't want to be with you, as lovers or friends." So the skepticism can be born from experience that the claim to friendship is to protect the ego of the breaker upper, not a true desire to be heartfelt friends. Not always, but sometimes.

So there are two common reasons behind our resistance to turning romances in "friendships."

The negativity can stem from different things.

But from my point of view, when I ask out a woman, and in the rare case where she actually claims to want to "just remain friends" all the women I've met so far really don't want a true friendship any more. Just because I've asked her out, they feel like I'm now wanting to marry her. They stop saying hello, won't look at me any more, won't call me up to hang out, won't answer any of my calls or emails, or meet me in even a large group. And again, those who claim they want to remain friends are rare for me.

So for me "Friendship" usually means being ignored and really hurt. I do have one or two real women friends, and I love them like sisters, and their friendship is a beautiful thing. But then again, it's probably because I never desired to ask them out. Had I done that, I most likely wouldn't have them as friends.

I've also had a lot of female "friends" really talk down about me behind my back. Seriously hurtful, mean spirited things. And then they pretend to like me. That kind of friendship isn't real, and isn't wonderful.

I got hurt by a so called friend I happened to have a crush on; not so much because of the rejection (I knew she wasn't interested), and was starting to move on a little...but it came out that I had developed a crush on her before I could lose the crush.

I got hurt because she promised that she loved me as a friend, and volunteered that she wouldn't drop me because she found out I had a crush on her.

But, when it came down to it, you guessed it, I could be two inches in front of her, and I don't exist. She's lied so much about who she is (though conveniently, I think she would say that she just "changed her mind"), and has really not treated me well at all (It alternates between ignoring me completely, talking about me behind my back, reacting to me as if I'm the worst guy on the planet). If that's friendship, then who needs an enemy?

That's why I privately sneer at the idea of a friendship when I ask a woman out. Because I can assume realistically that we will never be friends again, even if I stopped showing interest. I've tried keeping an open mind, and not scoffing at the idea, and I've tried going for friendship with these girls after asking them out. And it's never worked.

As far as friendship after dating, I think it can be bitterness. And sometimes, you just don't want to be friends, which is fine in those occasions when you end up being hurt.

There have been other circumstances where a woman would claim to be best friends (but we've never hung out before, and she's ignored and laughed at me for years). Then I found out she wanted a free event video, and when I said no, she never talked to me again. I was her "friend" when I could provide a service. Otherwise, I was "useless" and the fact that I wasn't fooled by her sudden kindness, then I wasn't worth the "friendship."

So sometimes it can be extremely difficult when some people want to sabotage it.

I think that there are times when a relationship ends due to one person becoming tired of the other one. It could be because they've become boring, or were too negative, or controlling, et al. At that time the decision is made to end the relationship because you don't want the person around anymore. That may be viewed as coming from the ego, but when someone is breaking up with another person because he/she has gotten sick and tired of the other person, friendship is not appealing because you are then still dealing with the behavior that irritates you. That you maintained friendships with your exes shows that you were making mature and good decisions in the first place (so there was compatability and concern), but when a relationship is founded on other things (physical attraction) it isn't surprising that its foundation can turn out to be weak and no friendship is desired at its close by one of the parties.

What I find funny & true about this story is that I was house-sitting for my parent's this year for Halloween, & I remember there was this 1 boy that came to the door. I gave him a couple pieces of candy, & at some point after him I tipped bucket the right way & dropped a couple pieces on the floor. Now with the way that I was raised I would have picked up the pieces & gave them back but what he did was grabbed them & ran down the entrance way bragging about it.The correlation with everything here is that I think that the younger generations (including mine) are very egotistical. Very me, me, me. I want to be very careful how I say this because I don't want it to be taken the wrong way, but I am a very sensitive guy. Sensitive in the sense that I'm very open about what I think & how I feel. I am very open with my opinion & not afraid to express it. By nature I'm the type of person that if anybody tried to pull anything, personally I'd probably do nothing short of curling up into a ball in the corner & take it because I am not a big fan of conflict. BUT if the same thing happened to somebody that I cared about, bodies would be flying & I would wrap the teeth of that jerk around a tree. So it's all a matter of prospective. The thing about the friends thing is that to me it's an excuse to get out of something. It's not heartfelt. I believe in being honest & truthful with the other person, & being sincere. The friendsline is just an easy way out of dealing with the issue, & it's that thinking behind it that bothers me. I was seeing/talking to somebody there for awhile that said if she & I didn't workout as boyfriend & girlfiend that we could at least be friends. We never dated never got to that point but she eventually found a boyfriend & the way that she started talking to me was completely different. Almost bitchy.I wasn't trying to make a move I respected the fact that she now was with a BF, but was just trying to be cool. The same attitude & outlook as another friend of mine that I used to date who's now married, & I just met her husband & newborn son. The thing with we can be friends line is that to me is that is all it is & when I hear it I ask myself How sincere are you with claim? Make any sense?

Well I don't know if it means anything but coming from a male point of view (& being a # of years younger) it's not the word itself but the implication of the word that I dislike. More so the attitude or behavior that I am acquainted with to the word. Not so much the word itself. But the visualization. I am the 1st generation born here in this country in my family, & 1 of the problems that I had when I was growing up was that I was brought up with a certain set of morals that I was supposed to have at home & with family, but there were a complete different set when I was at school or something of that nature. Which made things difficult from time to time.Maybe not the best example, but I remember a couple months back I was having problems sleeping (being the insomniac that I am), & I was channel surfing through the channels on T.V. trying to find something to watch to help me relax & get to sleep. Just by chance I happened to fall onto some sort of broadcast where Whoopie Goldberg was giving some sort of speech in a public forum & I forget the meat of the matter of what she basically said, but she was talking about public morals, & how things have changed in time. I briefly remember her talking about how certain things had a certain value - let's say my grandparent's generation (pre or during WW2), to my parents generation (baby boomer/60's generation), to my generation (the 80-90's child), to the generation that is now being raised & how certain things have either been forgotten or simply not taught to the next.She was using an example of situation that she was coming back home on the public bus. I am assuming that she had just gotten off work, & was just tired & just wanted to go home. 1 of the key things that she had pointed out before was the fact that she's at the age now where she's starting to go through menopause, & that she's not as patient as she used to be when it comes to certain things! But at rate she was coming back on the bus, & there was this little boy roughly 5-6 years old running up & down the bus being a complete pain in the butt. Of course his mom wasn't watching him, & everybody knew what he was doing but were trying to blank him out & ignore him. At 1 point he came up to her & tried start talking to her, & she very politely asked him to sit down. Which he did for a few minutes but he came back, & without any prompting started to go through her purse. Of course this hit a nerve, & she turned to this little boy & said, Little boy if you don't sit down I'm gonna EEEEEAAAATTTT you!