Ok I have been seeing this girl off and on for over two years. We have been going out in secret at first, we broke up, then we told her close friends about us and we started dating again. By my nature I am a secretive person and she wanted to meet my family and I told her no and we fought about it and after we cooled off we started dating off and on, not exclusive just friends with benefits for the last 19 months. Its starting to get serious again but she won't go any further till I take her to meet my family. I have taken her too meet my great aunt she is the closest person to me in the family but like me she is most distant from the main family (my mother).
The reason I don't want to take her to meet my main family (mother) is we are Native American, and she is white. My mother is tolerant but old school. She is not racist but I know her and I know she would like it better if I were to date a minority. My sister married a white guy and she accepted it but I can tell it bugs her. My family knows that I am old school too (even more so than them). But I do really care about this girl, I am also conflicted. I am true to the old school ways in that I hate assimilation but I am also into change. Over time things change and maybe I will see things in a new light, but I don't want her to see me in this "radical" light that my family sees me in. This girl is the most tolerant accepting person in the world and she doesn't know about my family is oblivious to the idea of racism. I don't want her to meet my mother and get the idea that we are racist.
I love my mother and my girlfriend, I don't want her to hate me or my mother because we are old school, and I don't want my mother to look down on me for dating a white girl. I just have no idea what to do. Taking her home is a bad idea and not doing anything is a bad idea in both scenarios I risk losing my girlfriend. I just want to be happy.
I'm sorry you're feeling so frustrated about all that. It's natural to feel conflicted and stressed about an issue like that, but it's a good sing that you're seeking advice.
I'd suggest to take your chance and organize a casual get-together with your Mum and your Girlfriend. Take them out to a zoo or a boat ride, a cocking class or whatever is fun. If you don't sit across each other in a restaurant you don't have to "behave" much, so the meeting is much more natural and less pressured for both of your Significant Women. Let them talk, and have fun with them. Have a little hugging with both of them, so non of them would feel left out. The truth is that if your Girlfriend is important to you then you don't want her to think that:
You don't care about her feelings and emotions.
Because that's the first thing will come to your girl's mind, if you're hesitating. Any decent woman will back off if she sees that a man is not sure about the relationship. Show that you care about her. In the end, she's your romantic interest, not your Mum. If this woman is your number one, then your Mum should not be able to discourage you from being happy.
I understand it's hard. Just tell your Mum that you love her and you need her support in this. You wrote that your Mum is tolerant and your girl is very accepting. That's good enough to hope that there's some king of compromise between all of you. Who you date is your choice, not your Mums. Love has no limits. Let me know how all this goes. Good Luck.
Hey thanx 4 the advice I took my mom and girl 4 a walk and then to my grandma's grave I told hem the story of her death and how it affected me (its why I mom is the way she is) my girl "tried" to understand but its hard to really get what we went through - 8 months ago
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After she 'tried" to understand it went down hill my mom attacked her and I stood up for my girl told mom that what we went through wasn't her fault. My mom was hurt but she'll have to get over it. I went through more then she did and I got over it - 8 months ago
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But thanks it had to be done over time things will get better my mom is not really mad at me she is just upset that I did not take her side. But at the end of the night my mom did say she was proud of me so I'm sure it will be fine - 8 months ago
You said your girlfriend is tolerant and accepting so I think you should tell your girlfriend about your mother. Or maybe talk to your great aunt about it. I think once your girlfriend knows it will be a huge weight off your shoulders and you will be able to take your girlfriend to see your family knowing that she is on your side.
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(Age:18 to 24)
When: 8 months ago
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