Hey...I had a boyfriend for about two years and we have been separated for about a month now..but still talk...one of the biggest reasons why he broke up with me was because of all the arguing...he says that he doesn't want a relationship at all but he thinks that if he does get into one again, it would be with me. Well...the reason why we used to argue a lot was because of other girls..he used to do little things that would bother me...I'll admit I was a jealous person...insecure too. This break up is making me realize that I needed to change the jealousy factor...but what my ex doesn't know is that about 3 months into the relationship...I looked at his MySpace out of curiosity and saw a few comments back and forth between a really pretty girl and him. This girl went to his school and he had mentioned casually one time that he actually saw sum girl from his MySpace at school and thought she was so pretty. I asked him if he would try to contact her now that he actually saw her in person and he said "no why would I? Of course not". This is why I was shocked when I saw the comments on his page where he told her he had seen her at school and wanted to get to know her. He asked for her screen name and what she would be doing at a certain time the next day so they would meet up. Well it looked like she wasn't interested so it didn't get much further than that. My heart, however stopped when I saw what his intentions. Like I mentioned before, this happened in the beginning of our 2 year relationship...about 3 months after going out. I had begun distrusting him a bit though and when I brought her up in a convo he said he never tried talking to anyone at his school and that if a girl was pretty he would even try to ignore since he knows pretty girls are used to getting a lot of attention. My problem is that since this has happened it made me doubt what he tells me and we used to argue a lot about him chilling in a group of guys and girls..especially if the girls were pretty. The other problem is that I was never able to tell him about the comments because of the fact that his comments are kept private. I use Mozilla firefox and it has an option to view pages in plain text and I was on his page that time using this engine and I was able to see it. Even though we are broken up, I feel I am different and care a little less about what he does (in a good way). but at the same time it is killing me that he is gonna go through life thinking I was just being paranoid and I would complain about girls for no reason. I honestly know though that most of my insecurity came from me seeing his page =/ I guess curiosity killed the cat but how do I explain this to him? He keeps thinking it's my fault that I was so insecure and would argue so much...and he's the type that LOVES his privacy and doesn't like anyone invading it...so how do I tell him the truth (that he doesn't know I know) without me pushing him away further and giving him a reason more to think he shouldn't be with me?
Just get rid of him. You can do better than that. You shouldn't be quick to behave jealously, because that only feeds the male ego. You should just move on with your knowledge and wisdom you've gained through this and find someone who will truly love you (as in, care for your well-being). If you don't feel you can trust him, that is a major red light as well. Men are generally scumbags, (being one I can attest to it), so you should be careful to guard your emotions against us...we're really good at taking away and not giving back.
Don't get so caught up with someone who is blatantly flirting with other women.
Dont tell him the technical details, just tell him that may be the website had a technical glitz and all the convo appeared on your browser when you openend his page for a short time.
Tell him that from that day you had difficulty trusting him though you tried very hard. And this was the reason why you used to get upset about his behavior.
Just an idea (maybe a bad one) show him PART of this. Like how you feel about the other girl also, no anger and little tears (when I mean little I MEAN LITTLE) it will hit him and I'm sure you can work it out. :) Again just an idea
I'm not sure why you are going thru all the trouble. You're doing more detective work than a married woman would of her husband. I think you might have some insecurity problems,but definitely some self-esteem problems. You need to focus on yourself. Why is it that you look at every girl and worry about someone noticing them because they are pretty. Now,I think this guy was definitely a cheater. All factors point to if he hadn't cheated on you he would have cheated eventually. His stories are kinda jumpy. I think if some of the pretty girls gave him the green light he would have went for it.
But the most important part is you're forgetting you're one of the pretty girls. Tell him the truth. You suspected some things. And you were right. He should be honest always,there isn't a reason to lie. You shouldn't worry about him not wanting to be with you because you were inspecting him. You should worry about why you want to still be with him! You knew he had red flags when you started the relationship. You should've gave him the boot 1 year and 9 months ago!
Hey, I had a similar situation too and I am an insecure person with the whole trust/girls talking to my guy thing. I am no longer with my ex boyfriend either, BUT from what I know--- since you guys are NOT together, you cannot control who he talks to and what he does. Yes, it hurts you to read and see that... I must say the Internet is a good way of destroying relationships. It happened to me many times.
It will kill you to read about him. You should stop reading about that... I don't know if you should hold onto wanting to get back with him unless he is making the effort to want to. But to answer your question, the best thing you could do is ask him and tell him how you feel about seeing that. And possibly making an 'ending'. I already did that so I can move on with my life (even if I do love him... but I keep denying it to move on). He will realize he lost his girlfriend who loved him seriously, which is a sad thing to lose. Well whatever! You don't need to make him jealous by talking to other guys... I feel that is low. You should just do more activities with your friends and enjoy life. Be happy. Guys like happy girls who take care of themselves.
You don't need to tell him the details about mozilla but if he asks you, say well I can see it on my browser. He might get curious how that can possibly be but if it does work on your browser--- well that's the truth!
Don't ever accuse him. You have no right to control him, as I said. I have done that and it made matters worst. But you know, all this MySpace/Facebook, etc. just shows you how this particular person behaves. Do you really want a guy who talks to some chick and lies to you that he would not talk/hang out with her (while you were together or not)? I got fed up with my ex... which brought me to my last conversation with him (no accusing)--- I simply told him do you want me to wait for you? And I got my answer. Just get to the point. No games should be played. If he was serious with you, he would not be messing with your feelings.
Honestly, I think the best way to get your own back on an ex who mistreated you is to appear (even if you're not) completely secure and happy i.e look great- even better than you did when you were going out if possible, enjoy yourself, go out with your friends, ignore him and let him know that you're completely over him as non-verbally as you can- as tempting as it probably is to try and seek some kind of 'closure' by telling him that you knew what he was doing while you were dating, I don't think tellign him about the MySpace girl incident will actually make YOU feel any better... and chnaces are he won't actually care too much to be honest because you're not togther anymore, so what's in the past is pretty much done. I say just leave it, get over him and go for someone whose more trustworthy next time. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Thanks for the response..I agree..the only thing is that he doesn't want to let me go..at times he feels like he's making a mistake and he said he definitely wants me in his life..even if it is just as a frend..but now he wants us to date (with no title) to see how it goes and to see if he'd like to get back with me..he tells me I was the best girl he ever had and that even though he had gfs before me, he says I was his first true love..idk! - A month ago
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(Age:18 to 24)
When: A month ago
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