Mama's Boy... HELP

Question

My boyfriend is a total MAMAS BOY

He tells his mom absolutely everything (I knew they where very close but I recently found out to what extent...)

Every single word I have ever told him.. She knows about it.. He lets her read all the messages and emails I send him.. According to his mom all the sweet things he does for me that's her doing... I feel like I'm not dating my boyfriend anymore but his mom... I don't know what to do I love him so much but she's like his puppet master... She controls his every move and he is absolutely fine with that! I tried a few times to talk to him about it and he said that its his mom and to back off... Oh and by the way he is in his mid 30s...

I know I shouldn't stick around but I can't leave him I love him too much! If I go speak with his mom she will deny everything and turn it all around on me (she'll find a way.. She's very sneaky...) and its not like I'm the only person she's done this to... past relationships as well...

Please help any advice is more than appreciated!

Allegory · Accepted Answer

There is being open with people you care for and then there is a more extreme line that he is living way past it seems. What is really curious is the mother knows better then to say her son is getting those ideas from her so in effect she is sabotaging the relationship.

Which in effect means she is either stupid or you can't trust anything she says cause she is looking to sabotage it.

Don't ditch him yet but take him asside and express the concern that you have and tell him "you know your moms taking credit for the lovely things you have been doing? Is that true?"

Thats all you have to say, if he cares he will be rightfully p*ssed off be it true or not and do something about it.

If he says "Yea moms great that way isn't she full of great ideas" then ditch cause he will not be someone worth living with if he can't be great solo while dating. If he is out of ideas dating married he will be worse.

ArtistBboy · Accepted Answer

Even though you say "i can't leave him I love him too much". The only way for him to grow and become a man is by standing by your values.

You started dating him, not his mother, so in this situation where he has become a momma's boy- you should turn for the hills and move on. The easiest way to get over someone is to find someone new to love, especially if they reciprocate your feelings and motivation to be with each other.

I can assure you- it will NOT work (between you two) until he separates his life from his mother's control.

Best regards,

ArtistBBoy

blaubeca · Accepted Answer

If he is in his mid-thirties and still acting this way, then you should definitely reconsider your feelings for him and the relationship. Since he is old enough to know better, he is not going to change his "Mama's Boy" ways now just because you talk to him or his mother about it. He seems pretty comfortable with how his mom is controlling his life and will not change that for you.

If it bothers you that much, then definitely reconsider the relationship. By showing all your messages and texts to his mom, he is definitely not showing much respect to you or the relationship. Do you really want to deal with this kind of behavior for a long time? If you decided to get married to him, do you want to deal with his mother as well?

Girl, you deserve way better than that! Find a real man to have fun with, not a Mama's Boy!

angiewaln · Accepted Answer

My husband is a mama's boy too. It's not as bad as yours but when it comes to his mom.. I'm not shy at all.. if she says anything or does anything to purposely offend me I will speak up right away and tell her how I feel. I've told my husband about how I feel. all he does when I tel him is get offended and upset.. which I can understand why he gets defensive.. I know if anyone said anything mean about my mom I would get defensive. But I told him that I'm not gonna just stand by and let her tear me down and he respects that. I don't think you need to leave him for that but you do need to explain to him and his mom that you are a person too and deserve to stand up for yourself. And if they both just ignore you.. then it's time to have a serious talk.

flchickypoo · Accepted Answer

I am sorry I feel for you...mamas boys are bad news cause moms can be physcho bitches! excuse my french but its totally true! I would tell him that your not comfrotable with him sharing all your relationship details with his mom...that you and him are in a relationship not you him and his mom... if he doesn't change it then it will never change you can either accept it and continue with your relationship or cut all ties and move on...I would recommend cutting ties and moving on but I have been under the wrath of a mamas boys mom lol

thatswhatyourmomsaid · Answer

the relationship doesn't seem like it's going to work out in the end.

imagine your wedding day- it's your day- do you really want his mom whispering the vows in his ears when he's up at the altar?

move on; it's better to sever it now than to get ten times as hurt later. and who knows. maybe he'll finally wake up and smell the roses if you leave him and tell him why. but a leopard doesn't change its spots. or however that saying goes.

good luck!

remember, you deserve to be happy! look long term rather than short term. you want to look back on your life when your much much older, and not regret wasting so much time on a guy who wasn't even in control of his own love life.

rockmom · Answer

wow I could never be with someone who let their family interfere with my relationship. I don't tell my parents ANYTHING because I don't need them in my relationship, it only causes problems. family members who are involved usually turn out to be controlling. I feel I'm close with my teen son but I would never even want to be involved with his relationships when he gets to that point. its just not natural.

christine88 · Answer

I dated a guy for  a year and he also was a HUUGE mama's boy.  He eventually broke up with me because his family didn't like me, and I was really upset at the time. But now I realize that it was for the best and I don't ever want to be in a relationship again where a man is controlled by his mother. In the end, it just not worth trying to talk to him or anything because it won't work. And if he's like that in his 30's, he's never going to change.

takemytime · Answer

Um well- seems like you know what you need to do...

But I'm just going to point out one little thing, your not dating/ soo in love with your boyfriend. your sooo in love with his mother!

hop along little bunny! plenty of fishies in the sea :-)

what-do-guys-want · Answer

You should just leave them two to be and they can have their own weird relationship

Alistair · Answer

so its been 6 months since you asked so what happened with him?

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