I work with a co-worker & friend(I'll call him Anthony, 28). Rumor had it that he liked me,last year. (I'm 30)I wasn't quite sure until I caught him (on more than one occasion) staring at me when he thought I wasn't looking. After working with him and getting to know him on a more personal level in &outside work, I found myself really enjoying his company and liking him as a person. After hanging out a few times a week outside of work, we would end the evening with a hug, but over time the hugs were longer &then goodbyes included a kiss on the cheek. (note: all initiated by him) He introduced me to his friends and roommates too. This was last summer (over the course of 2-3 months) when I felt things were shifting from friends to more than friends? Then by fall he was distancing himself from me. For one reason, he mentioned he was seeing someone to me ( it didn't work out in the end - 2 months) and second we attending a wedding together as each other's plus one's and a mutual gossipy coworker confronted Anthony & asked if we were a couple unknown to me. Anthony later told me about it, but since last fall/winter has been distant. Then by winter we attended a Christmas party where alcohol was present. (At this point I was being rejected / pushed away so much I just retreated- I did the opposite of what most guys think girls do. I assumed he didn't want anything to do with me because all my usual invitations to company events or casual lunches that were once accepted were being turned down) At the Christmas party Anthony tried to make conversation with me, but I was very short with him- one word answers. I don't know if it was my behavior or the alcohol but he told me 'i know I 've been distant to you lately, I'm going through some stuff, you don't deserve that , I miss talking to you. I' m sorry & I apologize. ' I had replied with ' I'm glad you recognize that & I accept ' We hugged &parted ways, but even still several months have passed &I have found out through mutual friends while I was on a short vacation, plans were being made for holiday weekends and Anthony would tell our mutual friend ' don't tell Renee. Does she have to come? ' Of course my girlfriend informed me of the shady behavior. So I addressed the fact that I felt he was dismissing me every time I invited him somewhere, I also brought up the whole apology speech at our company holiday party, and brought up his shady comment to my girlfriend about me. He admitted to me it was f'ed up , he felt things were shifting to more than friends last summer but didn't want to ruin things because we work together &he admitted he was an a** hole. Since then I 've dated , but nothing's worked out and Anthony knows this and actually seems jealous. I want to be on a good friend level like before, but I feel like I can't trust him as I used to. I'm scared to open myself up at the risk of pushing me away again. We were close once, but I feel like strangers now. Any advice? - Confused & Sad,Renee
It sounds like this is either going to bubble over or fizzle out. In other words you have a chance to try and go for it with Anthony, or he will slowly fade out of your life. Don't be too scared for things to fail, even though you work together, this probably won't be forever and you can both be grown up about it (it may help to make a pact before you get too serious that whatever happens you keep professional at work).
I would always say that if two people connect like you two once did, it's worth giving it a try. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. Talk it all over with him again and tell him that you'd like to go back and try again.
Timing is everything with these things. Men change their hearts like the wind when there's another girl involved, so make sure he's genuinely available or you're likely to get knocked back again.
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