When will enough be enough??

Eek - so many levels of answers here...hope I can help.

First question...are there children. They always change the relationship and keep a lot of the hostility going. I will assume no - as you don't mention them. So...if after seven years this women is continuing contact with you and hassling you - I'd get an attorney and restraining order. Then I'd start recording her and tell her you are doing it. She sounds like she has unresolved hostility...meaning she's an immature child in a womens body who can't get over the fact that life didn't go the way she wanted it to. You are incidental. She's unhappy with her life and only feels validated by letting you "have" it on a regular basis.

Second - nothing about "like" here...plain and simple jealousy for you getting one with your life. Her immature and childish nature doesn't allowed her to let you be.

Third - you can sue her for damaging your credibility and sharing inappropriate information (true or not) about you in the community you live in.

Last - WHY are you even taking her calls.?Change your number, move, advise friends and family there is a zero contact rule and they are not allowed to share your personal information. Then I'd NEVER talk to her again (disregard this if you have children...that's more difficult)

Try apologizing. It helps.

She can only bully you as much as you allow her to. If you are waiting for her to see the damage from her constant badgering and bullying then you will be waiting forever she obviously does not care what she is doing to you or worse wants to hurt you. You need to stand up to her and stop letting her bully you. She is obviously a very unhappy person and wants everyone around her to be the same way. I am a little confused why you even have contact with her. Is there a child involved or something like that?

Misery loves company...another age old sayin! Obviously she is not happy with her lyf therefore finding it very easy to attempt to destroy someone else's. I have run into several people lyk that and when I sit down with them and ask questions about their behavior their answers never make any sense. They always put all of the blame on the other person but accept none of it. They actually don't see where they are going wrong or how it actually affects someones lyf . They think only that the other person deserves it. It's almost lyk they see red when they are in the midst of wrecking someone's character. It fuels them for anyone to listen to them rant and rave. A lot of it goes towards people taking responsibility to the bull sh*t they listen to. If everyone would stop keeping their mouths shut and tell that crazy person the truth about what they are doing, then maybe she would stop. Believe me, if you understood that behavior then it would mean that you are as crazy as she is! Just continue to be the better person, that doesn't mean giving in to her wants and craves but not allowing her or the situation to change you, that is the best revenge. You cannot control someone else's behavior but you have full control over yours. I know that all of this makes much sense but doesn't make the bullying stop but when you get to "that" point, it will come to you. Just how to finally get rid of her and any past that you shared.If I understood it then I would be just as crazy...! Good Luck! ty-lady!

Maybe you need to just stand up to her. Bullies are only as strong as what their counterparts are willing to allow. Do some research on some of the legislative laws in your state. Get in contact with her supervisor at work. Tell her Supervisor that she has been harassing you from this work number. Inform her that the reputation of the company will be admitted into evidence when you do take her court.

She is still bullying you...Because she CAN!


It's up to you to quit over-analyzing the psychological make-up of a "Bully" and fight back!

Change your number to an un-LISTED number...

I think it just comes down to the fact that some people cannot let go of the past and what happened there. She needs to understand that with her outlandish complains that she is still living in the past and being a hazard to herself, which in term might make her bitter forever.

She definitely seems like a bully, what I would do is get the law on your side. Get those restraining orders, and if things get bad enough you might want to sue her for slander. I know if you lose your job, or something else that is significant happens monitarily --you can go after her for damages.

What I would do is just distance myself from her completely, let everyone know that she is a vengeful crack-pot, and just don't react directly to her. Let her see that no one cares about her complaints.

"though I was not perfect and far from an angel we ended up in a divorce. " Huh? ? "though" or "because" ?
"the writing community where I find myself working now." re-Huh? ?
Just guessing:
Either she has a real grudge or hate against you or she's still in love. If she's still in love, she either wants to get your attention or she wants you to hate her so that you'll repel her if you meet because she's afraid to get attracted again. (her brains saying NO but her heart saying yes)
You know hat happened between you during the last 12 yrs. You're supposed to know her personality, since you were married to her for 6 yrs.
I can guess, nothing more.

I was talking to a friend of mine yesterday who is going through the exact same thing as you. Only difference is, they both remarried other people sometime after the divorce. He told me his new marriage is good, while she constantly tells her friends how 'worthless' her new husband is. She will just as well drag his name through the mud to any eager ear that is wiling to listen. But my theory was jealousy. It's an ugly thing, and she may think or believe that you're doing better in life than she is, and will exploit any weakness she can find to bring you down.

Psychologists and other experts have devoted a lot of time and energy to researching bullies and abuse. But all that fancy investigation boils down to three main factors that apply to bullies and abusers in different ratios:

1. Bullies and abusers _don't care_ that they cause other people pain. They're selfish, narcissistic, and insensitive; or they believe they're justified.

2. Bullies and abusers _don't believe_ that they cause other people pain. They're in denial, they're arrogant and superior and believe they can do no wrong.

3. Bullies and abusers _enjoy_ causing pain for other people. They're sadists.

There are a million "why" questions about the origins and treatments of the three factors. But in practical terms, the best thing to do is avoid bullies and abusers as much as possible because they don't change and they will wrap you up in their drama. Avoiding 'em is sometimes easier said than done. But a good first step is to stop excusing or rationalizing when people consistently display behavior that's hurtful or abusive. (I don't necessarily mean you; I'm speaking generally.) It's not her time of the month. He didn't have a bad childhood. She didn't have a bad day at work. He didn't have too much to drink. Those are all excuses people use to explain someone _choosing_ to act like a jerk.

Things are a little vague, what was the reason for the divorce? Who instigated it? Do you both work in the same industry? Are you still in contact with her?