How to get your man to open up to you....

Ah, the joy of differences between the male and female...and endless source of entertainment, frustration, and great philosophy.

I'm not going to rehash what several have already said. Several have had some very good advice (miyoko especially). However, one thing to also keep in mind is that men sometimes view the concept of opening up differently than women. Everyone's unique, of course, but as a general principle, women prefer (or perhaps they were taught?) to open up and socialize more to better understand their problems and work through them. Men, on the other hand, tend to be more analytical about fixing their problems. It could very well be that your man doesn't "open up" because he feels that his problems are under control and that there isn't really anything wrong worth sharing. Now, whether he should be sharing or not is a matter of opinion and circumstance, but I'm talking about how he personally feels because that is going to dictate his actions.

I only mention this because I have had relationships in the past where my girlfriends (at the time) felt that I was too walled in and didn't share enough when, in my perception, I really just didn't have strong feelings about the issue in question and didn't feel that I would solve anything by talking about it.

Now I have a wife whom I can talk to when I feel the need and we are a sounding board to one another...but there are still times I just don't feel that I have much to say.

I don't know why you want to "trick" your boyfriend; what kind of relationship is that. He may not want to share with you. He may feel uncomfortable sharing with you. Either way, if you don't like who he is, either because he is withholding (ie: he views the relationship less seriously than you do) or because he is shy, you need to leave.

I was shy until my early 20s, but I feel I share way too much with my girlfriend, now fiance. I feel like a girl when we sit together and I ask questions like "what are you thinking?" and prompt her to talk about stuff. I would tell your boyfriend that you care about him and that you want to know what he's thinking and all that. But if he doesn't follow through, you can't change him. For some (many?) girls, I'm sure I'm too much and they'd want a more macho, feeling-suppressing guy; maybe you are different, and if so, there is a guy for you. You shouldn't pull your hair out because this guy doesn't fit what you want. All I can say is DON'T try to force him to be what you want: you'll think his ensuing passive aggressiveness is cute (only for awhile) and he won't even notice it (for awhile).

Tricking isn't the right way to do it, but I'd like to think that's not exactly what you meant. Some guys just aren't emotional, and some have had things happen in their lives that prevent or make it difficult to show/talk about emotions.

Sometimes just opening up to a guy first can allow him to feel more comfortable about opening himself, asking and letting him know it's "okay" to open up to you can also help. But, most importantly, make sure that he feels as though he can trust you enough to open up.

I sincerely hope this helps, best of luck to you.

I get what you mean by "tricking" him, don't worry lol. He doesn't open but you want to find a way where he feels like he should/ want to open up. Gosh, people being hung up on semantics :)

let me start of by saying this: it's not that guys don't WANT to open, it's just that generally, men have either been told/taught NOT to. This can be for many for reasons. "guys just don't", "it isn't mainly/ you're a wuss if you do," "it shows you are weak," etc, etc.

The other reasons is somewhat tied to the first one. Some guys aren't told not open up. Either you or you don't. "it's up to you." But the majority, are never ENCOURAGED to do so. I don't mean held back from doing it, but never really shown how to express these feelings. How can you describe a sneeze? Or a hiccup? No one has ever found a way to describe it, right? Thus, you don't have any reference on how to express what a sneeze is like. But for example, how do some people know how to cook, while others don't know? You had someone show you. As women, your mom opens up to you, to her girlfriends, to her husband, to your grandma. You see it, you live it, you learn it. How many of our fathers were really "open."? Is it safe to say they either sucked it up or at least not talk about it?

My point being that maybe he does want to open up. The manliest of men talk to SOMEONE lol. He just doesn't know how to express his feelings. Plus, guys vary in how they talk about their feelings. He may even BE talking to you about his feelings, but compared to what are used to knowing as "talking about feelings" is nothing like his. Ok. That being said lol, how to "trick him."

While I can't think of any specific examples, I can let you make your own based on the following. Ask him questions, but NOT open ended questions. "how do you feel?" "how are you feeling?, will get you one word responses, I imagine. "good/bad/tired/fine." Talk about something you feel, and tell him, "when do feel this way?" "what makes you feel like that?" subtle, not making it seem like it's an interrogation or interview. And ask at good times. When he's watching tv/playing video games/fixing or working on something, is not a good time. Maybe when you guys are in the car is a good time. Before taking a nap together. Anytime where he isn't rushed or distracted by anything else. The key is subtlety. Not letting him feel like," oh no, here it comes." Sneek it in. And without pressure, no interrogating, no interview. And don't cut him off when/ if he starts to. Simple "oh yeah?" "really?" even an "uh huh" will work.

Remember, it could just be he can't because ge doesn't know how. Could be he does, but in a way you don't readily identify with. Could be he wants to, but was told his whole life that he shouldn't or may have repercussion of doing so (rejection, redicule, etc.) so keep those all in mind and give it time.

And if nothing el

First rule: NO TRICKING! NEVER! EVEEERRR!

And... In what way do you want him to talk about his feelings? Is it just "Hi, mate, now talk about your feelings?", or what? What is it that you want him to open up about?

I personally find it disrespectfull to trick him into to it but it works!
I had the same problem once and I figured the only solution to it is to talk about your life first, in general. like what makes you happy what makes you sad whatever you feel like talking about!

Then try to talk about families.. I find this very hard for some women and men to talk about thier families( I have this problem too) I never talk about my family.

Talking about families and past, childhood will make him open up step by step. you can't expect him to talk talk talk like us women do.. take it slowly.. he might not even say a thing!
Then take it to the next level, talk about how he makes you feel whether its good or bad or whatever, leave some things unknown or throw a sentences that is not so clear what it means then he will probably ask and then you talk about it freely and openly but also don't expect him to talk about his feelings the way us women do.

women are more talktive and emotional! we appreciate small things that a man wouldn't consider as a big deal, we like to think more and go over things way more than guys that's what makes us "easier to be called psycho girlfriends"

so just try to take it step by step one thing at a time! You will get there!

You don't trick him into it. (Or into anything else. It just isn't respectful.) As for how you ENCOURAGE it, you talk about yours. Continue to get to know him. When he talks, listen. As the level of imtimacy grows, he will naturally open up more, but it has to happen in it's own time and without pressure.