Why is there so much manipulation in relationships? What about more mature relationships?

OMG you sound great. I totally hate those games and that's why I'm glad I found the man I did. I'm 18 and he's 28 yeah I know a little weird) but he doesnty play games w me which is why I like him. He tells me what he wants (altho I'm sure he's more sexual then you are because he tells me he wants me and stuff but I like that fowardness and I don't have to wonder if he likes me.) I'm sure you will find someone, don't give up. sometimes it takes time but seriously, you are the bomb and no girl cud pass you up :)

I agree with you about ALL of it! I hate people my age because they don't really think they just do what they want, and most of them wantto have "fun" and those suductive games are fun I guess. People are really blind when it comes to relationships and with the pick-up lines and endless flirting and can easily be a way to reel someone in. As for your Q I'm not sure but I hope to god that people get mature QUICK or I'll be single forever. But as the years go on I'm thinking it's more of a societal thing than an age thing.

:( so, I don't know

Mostly, it's because people are attracted to their exact opposites. what I mean is good faithful girl/guy usually is attracted to some who is on the wild side and visa-versa. Also most people just don't mature until they're older, so it would make sense that their relationships woulden't until later too. My advice for you is don't give up all you feel on a girl right away, that could scare her off if you come on too strong. Mystery is sexy, so hide a little bit of yourself and keep them wondering. You don't have to manipulate someone into liking you! the right person will like you for you and not some stupid game your playing. My crush was a complete wierdo when I first meet him but then he really grew on me. Also, the problem with nice guys is timing. If you do too much for a girl and wait too long she's going to put you in the friends zone. So, my advice to you is don't become her best bud and just ask her out while you're still aquantences. Hope this helps!

It depends. It depends how long you've been best friends. If it's early on, you've got an okay chance of asking this girl out and having her respond. But be careful, it's harder when you're in the friend category because sometimes she A- doesn't want a romantic relationship with you and that's why you're there, or B- she'll be really super duper worried about wrecking the rest of the friend circle as well as her friendship with you. It's pushing her out of her comfort zone. That's the problem with asking a girl out when you're the best friend for a while. The longer you're the friend, the more comfortable it is to have you in the friendzone and the more scary it is to move outside it.

Two couples I know got together in the very early stages of their best-friend status and their relationships couldn't be better. The first set has been together for 7 years. The second set is newer, but they're very happy.


This is rare though. See the first paragraph.


The reason for all the manipulation is the excitement. You need to mess around with a girl and to confuse her and make her go crazy. There's a difference between having a crush on someone and wanting to be their best friend. Sometimes they're categorically related and that's a good thing. It's good when they overlap.

If you challenge a girl and play mindgames with her, she knows you're not in it for the friend category and therefore she doesn't stick you there in her mind. She sticks you elsewhere.

It's all about connotations. If you act like her best friend, she'll keep you in that category. If you don't act like her best friend, then she won't stick you there.

Make her have a crush on you first-- drive her crazy first-- and then become her best friend.

muwahaha it never ends. manipulation is a key factor to human socializtion. whether it's busisness or life, we do and say things to get what we want. I agree though it's not right, but it's def something that never changes. some people don't even know when there being manipulative they just know they want something.

Maybe you just aren't motivated enought to get a g.f. I know I'm not. the whole dramatic story telling and hoopla haha I don't do but I complelty understand why other people do. I think I could be quite a good manipulator ;) but I feel bad when I do it. sooo I don't

I"m in you boat too. So you either need to do the manipulating or not mind be manipulated even if you know there trying to hard.

Believe it or not, it will never change. those people will always be like that whether they re 20, 30 or 45 its either In you or its isnt.

i hate manipulation in relationships. I want to feel secured and safe with my man. I wouldn't want to wonder if he is going to hook up with someone else or do whatever... although that's always thwe case, us gurls we always go for the bad guys cause most of them are around, you rarely see a nice guy who wants to commit instead of just playing games.
i want a long term partner and I want him to be nice to me.
those childish manipulating games aren't for me at all... I hate dealing with them and the problem is at some point you might turn into a manipulative ass just because the society tells you to.

maybe you should look for a cute gurl who is looking for the same thing as you , just know that it will never change... unless he/she got hit by a bus and decided to go straight later.!

Boy there is nothing wrong with you, by the sounds of it you are every women's catch, a guy who shows and tells you what he really feels, is hard to find these days, I would kill for a guy like you in this day an age. Most people still think its all about games but I'm 20 and I'm sick and tired of all the crap want something more with meaning in a relationship. Don't change the way you are any girl would be lucky to have you

you are really a nice guy and any mature , smart girl would get crazy about you. you don't need to be bad boy to make girls like you.guys like you these days disappeared. I personality don't like bad guys because they just hurt girls' feelings and make them safer that's the fact, they normally jerks so you just need to wait. don't look for your girl because she will come to you.
best advice to you is " don't change your personality " because you sound amazing guy but you need to be patient and you should have an open eyes.

lol ok lesson one... people want what looks good to them. IF you do something they like then that's they want. Second its not about seducing a girl, its more about being smart about ur prey so to speak lol. if you want to catch an animal you have to sneek up on it. and than aim and shoot, you don't just go running into it telling it to come here so you can shoot it. You might be a very good catch...and I believe it, through ur words. but she doesn't know that, you have to prove it. Everyone is guilty of anything untill proven innocent, so prove to her or whoever you like that ur innocent and after she trusts that then you can going in for the kill. You can't expect any girl to just know how you will be a good boyfriend by just meeting her. Also girls love compliments about anything, not just confessions of ur heart or how you feel about them. That's why some girls like the guys that tell them they have a nice ass, because they love the attention and the knowing that thier desired. I mean, you don't have to say that lol but you have to feel them out and figure out what compliments they would most appreciate. In time some very very lucky girl will see all ur wonderful qualities, and will not hesitate to fight to keep you.

You've got plenty of time !

However, you may want to try being a challenge, Mr nice-guy.

im into a guy who is 30 and I feel like they don't change with age

seriously I think it's insecurity. younger people if they lack confidence, knowledge and emotionaly maturity they resort to petty manipulation. I've gone out with a guy who is manipulative-he is a piece of sh*t so manipulators in the end, karma is a b*tch to them I guess becaue a lot of crap happens to them. I like guys who are into long term things and who are mature.

That's the problem right there. If you are too hung up on being her friend and approaching her as a friend, you'll lose the window of opportunity to date her. Take her out first and if you decide a friendship would work better a few dates later then go that route. Any guy who just wants to be "nice" and be a friend is really someone who is afraid to make a move, and a woman will understandably not view him as anything more if that's all he's bringing to the table. Instead of blaming your inability to get girls on games (which, by the way, isn't acting like friendship is the high priority on your menu a lie and a game if you really just want to date the girl?), try changing your approach. Women aren't attracted to bad people vs. good, if anything, they like good guys. The differentiating factor is that nice guys tend to be procrastinators and not go for what they want or assert themselves or be confident, and women aren't attracted to that. Likewise, nice guys also fail to make eye contact or hold it long, have closed off body language, and don't tend to stand up for themselves or their women anywhere near people who are confident and straight-forward. Sorry to say, being a straight-up nice guy sounds like a way to make 'fearful' sound like a good quality. You can be nice and confident and assertive and you'll have a better chance than all of them.

"I mean as people get older, will people be more upfront and more logical about who they choose to date? more honest? It being less about the games and more about being sincere or kind gestures?"

LOL Nope. I'm 25 and in the past 9 months I've encountered the scum bags OF the scum bags. Very deceitful and dishonest and just generally playing a lot of mind games. I don't remember it being like this when I was your age.

Consider yourself a good catch, and soon you will find a girl who will appreciate your fine qualities. There is so many games and manipulation in early relationships becauese people re still trying to figure out who they are as a person, and learning to love themselves and others.. early relationships as hard and crazy as they may be when we are youg, teach us the skills we need to have a happy healthy relationship when we get older.

Ill admit I played many games when I was younger, infact I was a pain in the ass, controlling and jealous lol.. I would have hated to date me! But those relationships I had, that failed misserabley taught me to be who I am today, I'm still young at 27, but I know exaqctly what I want and won't accept anything less, I'm straight forward with my feelings, never controling and I am myself. Once you get older you will realize the dating game gets a lot easier.

Hang in there :)

Dating at its best is, and always will be, part logical ('this is a really nice guy who'll treat me well') and part emotional/hormonal/just because ('he's hot and he makes me nervous') and in my opinion, one without the other is a set-up for failure.

1) The 'just because' feeling is there but not the logic (eg really hot guy, knows how to make a girl fall at his feet, but in reality is a total ass) - you've seen this happen. He uses his charms to reel her in and then she gets hurt when he wants to move on. She should have looked twice and thought harder about the kind of guy she was getting involved with, but in reality, he becomes irresistible because of how fun and exciting he is to be around. We fail to notice that he'll be gone in no time.

2) The logic seems good but not the 'just because' (eg really great guy, honest, reliable, got money, whatever, but no real attraction or chemistry) - this is the much safer option, because technically, nobody here should get hurt. But I've been in one of these and in the end it broke down because I would see him and not want to kiss him or whatever, just because there was nothing there for me. I trusted him and felt totally safe with him but there was no fun, no excitement. I found myself fancying his friends, which wasn't fair to him. And he picked up on that lack of attraction, so in the end we had a talk and broke it off. Unsurprisingly enough, we've been great friends since then.

You have to have both. We want a bad boy turned good - one with all his charms intact, but the decency to take care of us properly, stay faithful etc. We want a good guy with an edge - one who can be a gentleman most of the time and then let loose every now and again and sweep us off our feet.

You talk about manipulating girls into thinking you're this amazing guy... but from what you're saying, you'd be perfectly qualified to play those games. You're saying you'd take care of a girl properly etc? So then what's wrong with you seducing a girl into liking you? By the time she's wanting commitment and real love from you, you can give it, right? Then go for it. There's nothing wrong with that.

Having said that, it's your first relationship when it happens - I wouldn't make any promises. You don't know what you're like until you've been there. So, seduce, charm, do whatever you like, but be clear that you may or may not want it to go further and make no promises. Then you've done all you can to keep things simple and straight, but at the same time you've injected a bit of fun.

And when the right girl comes along, she'll notice that you're a great guy and she'll see that logically, but she'll also have a base attraction to you. Then you'll have it right. It'll happen eventually.

Ahh don't ever change who you are because every girl wants a guy like you and you will find the perfect girl for you. Yes, now it's more of the flirty thing to get a boyfriend but I totally understand you! You will find that girl :)

You sound like a really sweet and caring guy, but the truth is, girls love a bit of mystery and someone they can 'fix'. We like to feel as though we have worked to earn those emotions from you and not just to receive them that simply (stupid I know...) its like being told 'I love you' a month into a relationship. Don't give away too much of what your feeling in one go. This doesn't mean you should be closed off about your feelings to her, or play manipulation games of any sort. But first try to build an emotional connection before telling her how much you really feel for her... ( and a few compliments here and there on looks are great for a self esteem boost, as long as you tell her she's beautiful as well) good luck!

I'm sorry to have to tell you that these games never change, thy just get more complex. All I can say is that I wish I knew more guys like you. I too believe that dating and relationships should not involve so much manipulation. The thing is that these kinds of people are few and far between, and it is what it is.
Let me put it to you this way...I'm a beautiful woman. Guys are constantly after me. It sounds conceited, I'm not, but it's true. I like very few guys. I know what I like and I hold out for it. I haven't had sex for a long time. It's just not my style. So, what happens when I finally meet a guy and we like each other? They're not into me. Why? Because, I don't like games. We don't have to be stuck to each other all the time, you don't have to call me and text me all the time. I just don't want to play games. If I like you, I like you...why can't we start off that way? But nooooo. The minute a guy finds out you like him, they withdraw.
The tough part is that it's hard to find people that feel the same way and you can't control who you are attracted to. This doesn't make it any easier. But, don't lose hope! The one important thing that I do know is that every girl likes is a guy that can take care of himself and look good. Guys like girls that look good too, right? A good guy is hard to find honey. A mean, a really good guy. Take care of yourself, work out. You don't have to get expensive gear, but dress nice. Most important, don't become bitter. I have met so many nice guys that have given up. They smell bad, they dress bad, and they look like they feel...like they don't care anymore. That's not attractive. It's not that I'm superficial, it's just that I don't want to date a guy whose down in the dumps. Keep your chin up...

I've always hated those games too, but the fact is young sexually desirable girls have this checklist of prerequisites that you have to meet in order to get to the gummy hole. Unless you happen to really be Mr. Perfect, you may have to lie or fake a thing or two to get to her gummy hole. I’ve found that those little prerequisite lists do change though depending on what happens in her life (maturing). For instance…If she gets a good career and can take care of herself, she may change the “I want a man that’s generous” (gold digging) prerequisite to “I want a man that can take care of himself.” because she can simply take care of herself financially and she has learned not to be greedy. Girls that make poor life choices will be more taxing in one way or another which equals too many games unless you can meet all her scrupulous demands, but on the other hand, good life choices equals a girl that don’t have time for bull crap, easier to get along with, and simply less games. Same goes for guys too I guess…

Just like 'rddabby' said. Age is rarely a good indication of maturity, unfortunately.

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i mean its good that your out there with your emotions and your not manipulative and coldhearted when it comes to girls, I feel sometimes when I look at my friends that I may be the only one who doesn't treat my girlfriend like a piece of meat. But the game isn't seduction as you put it, its more about being charming. that does not mean you have to a pig or false in presenting yourself to her but sometimes laying your feelings and your heart out on the line could end up in two extreme different ways, either she will love you for it or you will get walked on. You can be yourself and hold back who you are to leave some mystery and keep her interested without thinking your just "a really nice guy". nice guys don't finish last you just have to be brave and go after a girl that interests you because if you stand there idle 9 times out of 10 nothing will happen

Seduction exists for the guys that don't have other automatic attraction factors, namely being built, known to have wealth/fame/social status.
You have to show with your words, actions and body lanaguage you are manly, you are healthy and you can provide for yourself.

We have much competition and manipulation in relationships because of a little thing called pride. That's pretty much an easy way to some up a long answer.

We don't see the world the way it is, we see the world the way WE are.

If you think everyone is playing games and being manipulative, it's likely because you're insecure, jaded, and angry.

I've been with MANY amazing women, and none of them have asked me to "trick them" or "manipulate" them.

Pay attention to what you're looking for, because you will only find THAT which you are seeking.

This is why I always end up with beautiful women with HUGE hearts.

~ Robby

My Blog ( link )

Maturity has nothing to do with age. its kinda tough but give the bad boy inside you a shot and let him out and see if that's work for you.

I'm 21, and almost 22 and never had a GF, I feel you.

It sort of puzzles me that when I see girls who have red flags, I loose attraction for them, yet it is the opposite for girls and "bad boys", so I understand where you're coming from. I think seducing is a misused word. You're not seducing women, you're doing things to show them your worth. Also, girls don't want you to be upfront with your emotions. What they really mean when they say they wish guys expressed their emotions more is that they want men to be able to handle the woman's emotions and understand where they are coming from emotionally.

first off your stuck in the friend zone and nice guys finish last... that's how it's always going to be... relationsh*ts are based on power and manipulation... not necessarily the manipulation you're talking about... but manipulation nonetheless... I hate to be the bearer of bad news and sound like a jerk... but sometimes that's what it takes... watch the movie "just friends" and you'll probably get a better understanding of what I'm talking about... life's life though dude and you gotta work with what you got... be confident... not arrogant or cocky... and be true to yourself... yeah you may be the nicest guy in the world but, even though that's what girls say theyre looking for, 999 out of 1000 times they turn that guy away... sorry dude...

mate if your ways aren't working you have to change...
I think in a way its more manipulating to be nice to someone and HOPE they change... ie like going out of your way for someone you dnt really know, just because she is beautiful.

When you really think about it, if you are easily sweyed by a beautiful girl, then u'll be easily sweyed by another hotter girl... even though its probabily not the case with you.
But I think that's probably the core natural instinct of why being nice doesn't work..

That translate to the need for women to like someone they've really worked for who in the future won't be easily sweed by another woman... even though that's robabily not the case, but that's the reasoning...
Also women want someone who can protect them, and generally being nice guy doesn't potray that.

"Seducing" as corny as that sounds isn't about manipulation or anything of that sorts. Its about being true to ones self, letting your intetions be known and being true to them.
Abviously hiding SOME your cards so you don't get exposed, you have to protect your reputation. ie you don't exactly tell a girl you've known for an hour that you sleep with a teddy... You may think that's cute, but most girls will think wusss, weird, etc..
In our society guys are lucky because we can be true to our sexual feelings, you can hit on anyone and not be ridiculed, and you can say "nice ass" to anyone within reason and still maintain your reputation.
So STOP being nice and think whatever, you are 19 for christ's sake...

its these "manipulating people" that cause the relationship to end... eventually more people will realise that and they will be upfront... don't worry, you will find someone and she will love you because you don't manipulate.