In a long term relationship, which one of these two types would you rather be with? you are more than welcome to give a detailed explanation for your selection.
type a: this person has self confidence, is outgoing, leader, unpredictable/spontaneous, sarcastic, but lacks character, loyalty, honesty, and kindness.
type b: this person is loyal, honest, kind, has integrity, has a strong sense of moral, but lacks self confidence, is not outgoing, predictable, and is a follower.
Update: If you find this question difficult to answer, well it is. This is like a dilemma, so there is no right/perfect answer. Whatever answer you choose will of course have a drawback. It's up to you to decide which is the lesser "evil."
3 months ago
Type A - unfortunately. As all my previous relationships have been a type A, and have always been cheated on as they lack honesty. But I find type B's unattractive. no chemistry?
Personally I would not have a long term relationship with either! for me to want to be with someone long term I would have to be able to imagine spending the rest of my life with them and they would have to encompass everything that I would need/want in a future husband. Maybe this is why I've only ever had 2 boyfriends-because I'm picky? that said my last relationship lasted 3 years and this ones 2 years and still going. So I think why settle for only some of your desired qualities? find that person who has them all and more! but if you're going to want a definite ans then type b-as comtesse says someone can change from a follower to a leader but someone who lacks character can never gain it no matter how hard they try.
Encompassing everything you want is nice, but the question is can YOU encompass all that a man want? Most relationships has this unspoken "trade" between two parties. We can't demand more than what we have to offer. - 3 months ago
I can't speak for this poster, but (w/o trying to brag) I am the whole package: attractive, smart, fun, trustworthy, outgoing and more. No one can encompass everything every man would want, or everything every woman would want - but you only need one. Also, no one person can be another's "everything" - you get different things from different people (e.g romantic partner, friends, coworkers, family). - 3 months ago
Question Asker
You don't have to encompass everything, just the parts that the other person finds most important. The idea is something like this: say that a man likes you, you would expect that man to have characteristics that you like, or else it's over. Well, now say that he does have it, but once he finds out about you, do you have all that he wants? If we don't have enough to offer, then we shouldn't ask for much. And that's what I'm talking about in the "trade" or exchange. - 3 months ago
I agree with what you wrote above. But unfortunately, it seems that often, people expect others to somehow fill up the parts of them that need it, so they bring less to the relationship. My personal experience is also that, having qualities like honesty and integrity, I assume everyone else does also - but they don't. I've decided that, for me, money is the thing that matters the least...as long as the guy has a job! I know that finding a man who is smart, interesting, good-looking (cont). - 3 months ago
I voted for b, but the lack of self-confidence and being a follower would be a problem. Still self-confidence issues can be overcome, but a lack of character, etc doesn't change and those are biggies long-term.
Of course people are not simple. If I were to expand on the idea of this question, I would be writing a dissertation. This question is like a dilemma. There is no good answer, you just have to pick the better one. And I'm noticing a lot of people are having problems with it. About leading in certain area, that would be ideal, but I just don't see it often. One person in the relationship usually to take the leading role, and the other follow. - 3 months ago
Answerer
(cont) Finding a man who is smart, interesting, good-looking, fun, with similar interests, trustworthy, good father, etc is not easy, but since I have those qualities to offer, I do expect the same. BUT I'm not looking for rich - as long as he has a decent job! - or no ties (i.e. no ex, no kids). I actually would prefer a guy who doesn't work 60+ hours a week, and who has kids because I do too. Some women I know (my age) want all of tthose qualities + $ + never married + 80 y/o! Good luck! - 3 months ago
Answerer
I meant NOT 80 y/o!! - 3 months ago
Question Asker
You seem to want a partner who is like yourself, who offers similar qualities as you do. I think that decision is very healthy and reasonable. Many girls unfortunately will only look at guys who can offer more than themselves and never bother looking at guys who offer equally or less. Yet these same women complain about men treating women as a weaker sex. To me, this trade or social exchange takes the romance out of relationship. (cont) - 3 months ago
Question Asker
It's like saying, "okay.. I'm good looking, young, sexy, etc and I want trade you for your confidence, ambition, money, status, etc" There is nothing romantic about that; it's just a social market. I think we don't have to chose our mate in this manner though. If we can say, "I love you because of what you stand for in life, your beliefs, etc." then that is admiration, respect, and love expressed in their highest form. - 3 months ago
Answerer
Yes - I want one of those next time! - 3 months ago
you made the question a little too lopsided to be interesting. "lacks character, loyalty, honesty, and kindness. " it might as well say "drinks blood of puppies. " I like outgoing, spontaneous, self-confident guys, but not to the point that these characteristics could cover the deficiencies of a morally bereft person. Maybe I could be conned, but if I actually knew that your type a was the person you describe I'd never be with him.
You haven't thought deeply about what you want in others and what the nature of attraction is, eh? If this question is difficult or "too lopsided to be interesting" for you, then it's a sign that you have been denying a part of yourself. If I'm not mistaken, you'd rather be with mr. A than b... but A seems to be a bad person which make you look bad, so you can't decided. - 3 months ago
Answerer
I've thought plenty about what I'm attracted to. With these choices, the answer would be neither. It's not because I think choosing one would make me look bad. It's because they both lack things I look for in a mate. I've never been with anyone who was dishonest or disloyal, and I've never been with anyone I'd describe as a follower. I've never had to pick one or the other, and I don't think I ever will. There's nothing deep to think about with this question. - 3 months ago
Question Asker
I'm sure what you are attracted to is a combination of the characteristics between the two cases, and perhaps others not listed here. But if were to put type C, the one with the combinations, everyone will pick C as their answer. That defeats the point of this dilemma. And say if this were a question on your exam, what will you do? put I don't want to answer because what I want is not listed? - 3 months ago
Answerer
If I had to pick one, I'd pick B. Dishonest is worse than uninspiring. Lesser of two evils. It's still not a deep or interesting question. And you can tell this because everyone has picked the same answer. - 3 months ago
We never seem to want what's best for us, huh? from personal experience type b (mr boring) was the man I fell in love with first. But he offered no excitement even though he was sweet and otherwise the perfect boyfriend. So when type a (mr fun) came along, he seduced me easily with his charm. But I came to realize that all his "good points", the confidence/spontaneity did nothing to balance his lack of loyalty and honesty. In a long term relationship type b is your best bet for happiness. You can't "train" someone to be loyal or honest if they weren't that way to begin with. But an introverted person can become outgoing with time, and if they lack independence, that's a quality that can be changed too. Don't make the mistake of thinking you can change a person's innate (kindness, honesty, morals) qualities.
You hit on a really good point. It does seem that we sometimes don't want what's best for us. I often times find a lot of attraction from women whom possess type A. I think the origin for this attraction/chemistry lies in our gene. Back in the stone age, type A character would be more fit than type B. So I guess we evolved from people who selected type A as a mate. But now a day, it's more difficult to decide which character do we need to shape our world. - 3 months ago
When it comes down to it, I'd rather be alone than in a long term relationship with either of them. It would just make me unhappy. Who wants to be with a disloyal and dishonest person with no character? who wants to be with a predictable follower that will bore you?
So you would want your woman to lead you? You can't have two leaders in a relationships, or else the two of you will lead off into different directions. This question is tough, just take some time off and think through it. Once you got the answer, it'll be much easier for you to decide what you want from your partner in the future relationship without being too demanding/asking for too much. - 3 months ago
Answerer
I wouldn't want my woman to follow me. I'd like her to have a mind of her own. Just because you are a leader doesn't mean you do everything your own way. - 3 months ago
To the asker: But you can each lead in different areas, depending on what you're good at. These questions with dichotomies are too simplistic - people are never that simple; we are aill multi-dimensional. - 3 months ago
That IS the point. We want to see when it comes down to it, what do we human beings TRULY embrace. This question is not easily answer, so think carefully through it. Best, Windchaser - 3 months ago
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