I have been in my relationship for 20 years, married for 7 years. I am 48 years old and he is 68 years old. Just recently he wants to visit with his two daughters 43 and 46 down in San Diego by himself. He says it is touchy for them to see me, because his x never remarried and gets depressed if I am around. He is worried about his daughters getting upset so he tells me I must stay behind. He is gone for 5 hours. He has told me he does not want to upset his daughters. I can leave if I don't like it was his last comment to me. He now leaves me a lone on almost all of the major holidays. He says I am selfish because he is with me all the other times. Now he goes there once a month. I am growing more depressed and don't know what to do. help
I would say He has a self centered problem. He should not leave you alone on Holidays. He can make his daughter visits on other occasions. You will leave one day, if not because of this, but the age difference. I am sorry to say, your to young for him. Maybe he realizes this and is inching closer to the ex. Do not want hurt you, but he is cold dude! You are his wife! I would be gone before he got back.no note.no letter.
I was a little confused about your post. To clarify youve been married to this guy for 7 years? Have you ever visted his daughters in the past on a regular basis? If so, I find it fishy he's changing things. Maybe he's seeing his ex again and is using his daughters as an excuse? I think regardless any parent will put their children first, however his "kids" are grown ass women and should be mature enough to handle the fact that Dad is remarried and mom is single. Also, you mentioned he goes to San Diego once a month.for 5 hours. Where do you live with him LA? I know on the 5 or 405 you can be stuck for 2hours easy going one way. How long is he gone when he visits? a day ? a weekend? a week? This sounds weird. Bottom line is if you both are married he should be able to compromise and have you join family functions at least 1/2 the time. Just curious how did you meet your current husband? Is this cause for the daugthers being upset around you? Please forgive me if that's inappropriate, but just trying to help you out and going by what you've posted.
I did visit once before we were married, because he had not seem them like in 30 years. I felt uneasy due to us being the same age. And there are three grandchildren that I was told are not my grandchildren. The relationship between the father and girls were tense too. So visit did not happen after that visit. We are in Pasadena which is good drive, he is gone from 8 to 8pm. Always just one day. We both in Real Estate. And he had been divorced for about 25 years. My age is the reason. - 5 months ago
Answerer
Ok this sounds a little better. Doesn't sound like he's seeing the ex on the side, but sounds like there is tension. So you feel uneasy because you are basically the same age as his children. Have you heard from the children that they feel the same way? Not through him, but through the children directly? Maybe try reaching out to the children and have a ladies night or a spa night. Something where you 3 can be together in a relaxing setting and clear the air. Good luck. - 5 months ago
This seems like the kind of thing that would have been worked out before marriage, not seven years in. That said, I think you need to cut him some slack. You have to give him some leeway in keeping up the relationships that had before you, especially if he really is with you at all other times.
Thanks-it was not an issue 7 years ago. Only the last year and half. I could not have worked it out before marriage. During the 20 years we were together, he had even spoken to his daughters maybe three or four times a year by phone. I brought them together, way to go. Oh he has his slack, since I have no choice at all in the matter. Thanks again- - 5 months ago
Answerer
Oh, well now I feel like I was too harsh. Damn. Sorry bout that, I didn't know. Is you going along, but staying away from the events where there mother will be present an option? - 5 months ago
Question Asker
LOL-You are too cool and funny! I did not think of that. I will see if that will work. At least I could left off near by at the beach or something! Thank you for that suggestion. It never crossed my mind. - 5 months ago
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(Age:Over 45)
When: 5 months ago
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