I was involved with this guy for almost a year. I really liked him and cared about him. I was the only girl he had ever done anything with more than kissing.he was the first guy I was ever intimate with. We never had sex but came close. We were never "official" and I was really hurt after 9 months of talking, we finally hooked up and he just wanted to be friends. He avoided me for a month. Then he proceeded to try to hook up with me and just messed with my emotions. And he knew I liked him a lot. The last time we did anything was in February. My guy friends would make fun of me for liking him because he would do things like cross his legs when he sits, etc. They would tease me about him being gay. But we never really thought he was.
Well.he is. As I found out yesterday. He didn't even tell me himself. I feel like I was just an experiment or something. I wish he would talk to me, let me know that it wasn't me why things didn't work out. Should I try to talk to him? Or just forget about him? and if I run into him, what do I say? How do I act? Like nothing ever happened?
I mean I have a boyfriend now and I'm in love so I'm fine. I've had friends come out before, but never someone I was with. I just don't know how to react.
First, I want to assure you that it wasn't you. Somewhere in the past he was really hurt, and that hurt has caused him to cope in the only way he could find comfort. My wife left me for a forty year old woman whose dad had never acknowledged the possibility she was female in any, meaningful, way. Even though this woman could admit she used women like her dad would have wanted a son to use women, my wife chose to leave me for her. Part of the problem is spiritual, part is experiential and part is personal. The best thing anyone can do for him is to ask him to tell, listen intently to, and validate the feelings expressed when he tells, his story. Most likely, he can figure things out with an attentive, compassionate, prayerful listener. Of course you have to listen to what is said, observe what is not said, visualize what is described and tentatively seek confirmation of the pieces God fills in, verses what the enemy tries to interject. Other than that, remember that processing your feelings is always better than "dealing with" or "getting over" them. Pain needs to be processed, not bottled up or buried. Instead of developing coping mechanisms to protect ourselves from the pain of life, we need to allow God to protect us and redeem the pain He allows others to inflict. If we never experienced pain, we could never lead anyone else into the freedom grieving and processing that pain provides.
where is your Brain? all this effort you wasting on a gay guy, and you HAVE a boyfriend? you may not be cheating by deed, but by NOT putting the focus on the relationship you DO have, your cheating by heart! your boyfriend has a right to dump you now because your heart is not where it SHOULD be it's with a gay guy you will never Ever have any form of relationship!
Oh, sweetie, that must really hurt. I hope you don't think you somehow had something to do with it.
I disagree that you were an 'experiment.' You are still young; you don't say how old, but I'm guessing closer to 18 than 24. He was probably still very unsure of his orientation, and perhaps trying to be the guy he thought he 'should' be. And now he knows for sure who he is. My guess is that he hasn't told you because he's embarrassed and feels awkward. If you want to smooth things over, even if you never speak again, I'd suggest that you tell him you heard about it, and then let him know that you support him.
hun I'm sorry he hurt you and I understand that you feel like an experiment but the truth was you weren't an experiment you were a cover up. honestly there is nothing you can really do because he is gay so your just going to have to move on and let that nice guy find you and he will be lucky to have and he'll be straight and know what he wants WHICH IS YOU!
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