I'm 27 and my boyfriend is 41. We have been in a long distance relationship for 1yr this September. My family is very strict and controlling. So I lost my virginity at 26 to this guy. I am not generally into older guys and when he did ask me out I agreed mainly because I wanted to experience sex. I figured that's what he wanted to and this wouldn't last long. But he turned out to be nice, kind, gentle and interesting. So I continued to see him but only x2 a month because of distance. I just graduated and am looking for a job so I'm back home with my parents who don't know I'm seeing this guy and won't be too pleased about it. So I have to come up with lies and excuses to go see him which he doesn't like. (I agree but this is a cultural thing with my parents). My only problem with him so far is that he has a roving eye, even when I'm right there on a date with him. I've brought this up and he said he loves people watching. I have just learned to ignore this now because I think he takes pleasure in making me jealous so I don't try to show it. But it annoys me a lot. Another thing that kind of creeps me out is the fact he says he's not into women his age and would prefer younger women and jokingly says as long as they are over the legal age. I never find this funny. This was one of the reasons I didn't think this would go beyond just sex. He has always been the initiator, called everyday, planned where we went but always asked for my opinion too. Recently he went out of town. We IM'd each other everyday and then he sent me pics of some old school friend of his that he decided to call up and hang out with till 12am. He told me they took a walk, had sushi, and a nice chat. I was jealous but didn't say anything as he was only meeting an old friend I told myself to get over it. Since his return he has been acting different, doesn't call me anymore, leaves me I'm messages and waits for me to talk to him - which I don't mind doing but he's never expected this from me before. He just seems to act differently. He also told me recently "that his life is in a different plane now and he has values both personal and professional" I asked him if it was a positive feeling and he said not necessarily. Didn't know what to make of this revelation? He was divorced for a year when I met him and according to what he tells me looks like his ex-wife did a number on him and seems like he was hurt badly and holds some resentment against women. He also makes good money so I'm sure that somewhere in his head he feels I'm with him for that reason. Although I have try not to give him any reason to believe this. He does pay for all our dates as I can't afford half the places he takes me. He recently has been asking me to find a job in the state he lives and says he would enjoy being able to seem me often. I just find it hard to move my whole life closer to someone whose intentions I find dubious at times. I think I find safety in the distance. What should I do?
I think you sound like a smart girl and you seem to know your boyfriend well, therefore only you can decide what to do. He has a few bad traits but many good one's too, always try to focus on the positive and be aware of the negative, just don't let it always hold you back. The parent issue is going to be the hardest to deal with I think, I come from a background that is pretty much the same and everything is in big secret. You have got a lot to think about and consider, say if you could, are you ready to leave your comfort zone of your family and home town and go to a new territory were if you are having a bad day with your boyfriend the closet person you want to talk to is a million miles away. Do you trust him, that's what you really have to ask yourself? Do you believe that if you do change your life to suit his, is he going to always support you, is he going to always be there for you and look after you when you need it. Is he going to be you friend, mother, father and lover all in 1 until you get settle in and learn how to take care of yourself in your new state. If you trust him and love him and you think he is worth it the first thing you need to do is tell your parents. Take things from there. Sure he is a lot older but if you look at it positively the extra experience he has is great, he is older enough to make the right decisions and be able to look after you the way a girl sometimes needs to be looked after. At least you know by that age he is a lot more mature then most 25 year olds and a lot more serious. The only thing that worries me is not the jokes or the wondering eye, it's the change in attitude, you need to find out why he is acting like this and whether his feelings have change cause if so, how can you feel safe with someone whose attitude could change so quick, when your far away and feel all alone because he is having a bad day, will you be able to handle this?
You need to go. He seems kind of controlling and pretty much set in his ways. Seems like a guy who will want his cake and eat it to at some point in your relationship. I think you are kind of infatuated of being with a guy who is older than you. I totally understand, but down the road I feel you will become unhappy with his ways. Find someone closer to your age who is ready to experience life with you. You do not want someone who has experienced more and is set in his ways like most men in thier 40's. I know, trust me. Your parents are only looking out for you.
Okay, there's this guy in my collision repair class. I knew he liked me or was interested in me by the signs he gave me. For example How he'd always...
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(Age:25 to 29)
When: More than a year ago
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